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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be concerned with how my boyfriend acted when I was ill?

584 replies

Vlop · 09/05/2024 05:49

I'm 30 and he's 31. I've been with him for 18 months, during which I never got ill. He even commented on this saying it's really good.

We've travelled to another continent for his work last week. I tagged along as he wanted me to but got very sick with sore throat and running nose 2 days ago.

We wake up at 6.30 for work (he goes to the office and I work from the hotel room we're staying). Last night we went to bed at 10.30pm and I woke up literally feeling suffocated at 10.45pm. He hadn't fallen asleep yet. I asked him if he could get me flu relief hot drink. It's the only thing that actually works for me.

He went out and got back saying the store 2 minutes away didn't have any medication. I tried to sleep but was really struggling so asked him if there was any pharmacy nearby. He Googled and said that the nearest one was half an hour away and couldn't walk. He did have a car but didn't offer to drive. I explicitly told him that I was really struggling and really needed some medicine. He wasn't doing anything so I asked him to at least phone reception for medication. The phone didn't work so he had to go downstairs. At that stage he was getting really mean to me, making comments like 'I want this over with, let's get you a medicine and be done' etc. It wasn't even 11pm at this point. He came back with one random loose tablet which had no expiry date on and I didn't know who touched it. Tablets never help me anyway so I told him not to worry. Made myself some tea and dozed off.

In the morning I found out that his foot was hurting. He didn't tell me this last night so I didn't know and it explains some of the irritable behaviour. I also understand maybe I was being slightly difficult as I was really physically struggling (first time in our relationship, I'm not a princess). Today he texted me at work to see how I am only once and when he got back I told him I didn't feel like having dinner and he went out alone to eat. Don't think he even asked me if I wanted anything. I find that lack of empathy/compassion a red flag. AIBU?

OP posts:
Josette77 · 09/05/2024 06:07

It was late. It was not the time for him to running all over looking for meds.

I think you were being high maintenance.

pictoosh · 09/05/2024 06:07

Hairyfairy01 · 09/05/2024 05:55

Sorry but I think you sound very OTT and demanding. I don't understand how you can go from falling asleep at 10:30 feeling fine to waking up 15 minutes later expecting him to go on a wild goose chase for medication in a foreign country, at night, when he has work the next day. The fact you ended up having a cup of tea and managed to get through the night basically confirms you were being OTT.

Agree with this. Unless there's more to it, I think you were being unreasonable and demanding to tell the truth.

Willmafrockfit · 09/05/2024 06:05

you do sound unreasonable op

Overthebow · 09/05/2024 06:03

He went out to get you medicine but they didn’t have any. did you seriously expect him to go on an hours round trip at 11pm to try and find more? You managed to get to sleep anyway very soon after so you were ok. For the dinner, you said you didn’t want dinner so why would he ask you what you wanted? He texted you at work but that wasn’t enough apparently. You sound like hard work.

HazelWicker · 09/05/2024 06:03

I think you sound quite princessy to be honest. It was late at night, he was probably tired. It's not like he told you to get over yourself and did nothing. You sounded quite grumpy and if you've not been unwell before he might not know how best to be with you. One of my friends is a nightmare if she is in any pain, can't bear to be around anyone so we all have to leave her to it on her own (which is what she wants) but you feel like a total arsehole doing so.

Noicant · 09/05/2024 05:59

Tbf I probably wouldn’t ask DH to go out for me but he would if I needed him to. He definitely wouldn’t go out for dinner without me.

Noicant · 09/05/2024 05:57

Yeah it’s not going to work, first time I was ill Dh fussed over me (I actually don’t like it, I want a cup of tea, medicine, hot water bottle to be left alone and a nap) and he carried on being helpful through the years. Lots of stuff happens over a lifetime and you need someone you can rely on to do whats needed when you aren’t able to do it for yourself and vice versa.

Hairyfairy01 · 09/05/2024 05:55

Sorry but I think you sound very OTT and demanding. I don't understand how you can go from falling asleep at 10:30 feeling fine to waking up 15 minutes later expecting him to go on a wild goose chase for medication in a foreign country, at night, when he has work the next day. The fact you ended up having a cup of tea and managed to get through the night basically confirms you were being OTT.

Zampa · 09/05/2024 05:54

Imagine a future when you have children and whilst unwell, he won't step up to give you time to recover.

After only 18 months, he should be spoon feeding your Lemsip and bringing you all your favourite treats.