To be concerned with how my boyfriend acted when I was ill?

Sorry but I also think you sound very dramatic. You had a sore throat and a runny nose , its not an emergency. Your boyfriend went to the local shop at 10.45pm at night to try and get you a lemsip at your request but there was nothing there. If you were seriously ill (you wasn't) then yes he could have made more of an effort to find you medication. Lemsip is just paracetomol, be more prepared and keep a stock of basic medicine with you at all times. I don't think he was unreasonable based on what you've described.

@AnImaginaryCat - good points, his actions were actually OK.

But I feel like OP is picking up on the fact that there was a lack of warmth and concern, of the kind she's shown him when he's ill. Feeling that lack of warmth can often make people more demanding as they try to get the response they want.

It's significant that this has bothered you so much you want to post about it OP - it shows it's really making you ask questions.

I agree you're not suited. This is one of the signs you'll look back on in future.

What an absolute palaver over a cold. The fact you updated to say you were delusional from fever just reinforces my assumption that you were being a drama Queen, I’m afraid. He did get you medication, which you opted to decline (which is your right!) but let’s stop acting like he did nothing for you.

The bottom line here is that you've uncovered a disconnect between the two of you.
You now know that he's not the type to fuss over you when you're ill. Some people aren't.
I come from a family that would drive somebody to A&E, drop them at the front entrance and say "phone me when you need colllecting"
Doesn't bother me at all but then I hate being fussed over generally.
However, I'm not you op. Only you know how much this matters to you. If it's important in a relationship that somebody spoon feeds you Lemsip and checks on you multiple times a day then you haven't found "the one" and need to end things and move on. As PP say with this man it's likely that you'll end up looking after the kids whilst feeling like death somewhere down the line.

I must admit, I thought this too. And those drink sachets, while they taste nicer than tablets, are just paracetamol. So refusing what he brought back from reception (the whole “someone had touched it” thing is a bit odd - presumably they just had a bottle and gave them to him from that?) must have been irritating from his point of view. He did text to ask how you were during the day; presumably he was working himself? And - as others have said - while you do feel rotten when you have a cold, it was just that. A cold. You really weren’t “really sick”. So while I understand that you felt you maybe didn’t get the sympathy you’d have liked, I don’t think he did anything terribly wrong here.

If you were at home I might agree (though getting out of bed/dressed to go to a local store without complaint if fairly conscientious IMO) but I don’t think I would fancy wandering round a foreign city late at night.

The thing is, he did go out to look for medicine for you. Then went and got medicine from reception for you, which you weren't willing to take. It's obvious why he had a tablet with no expiry date - they would have had a packet of paracetamol in their first aid kit and allowed him to take what was needed rather than given you their whole box.

It sounds to me like you have hoops in your head that he needs to jump through in order to prove to you that he loves you.

There are also quite a few holes in your story, like you tried to get back to sleep and couldn't... except you woke at 10.45 and it wasn't even 11 when you had already apparently tried and failed.

If you had been unwell a couple of days, it would have been best to have had the medicine ready just in case. In fact, when travelling it's probably best to have a few essentials like that with you anyway.

I always think with AIBU, it's worth remembering that the OP's version of events will always be told with bias and bits get added if relipies aren't on side (The fact you switched up from having a sore throat to having a fever that causes delusion shows this.)

Even with the bias you come across as quite extreme about being ill. Considering you wouldn't take medication that was a tablet form of one you think is the only one that works for you. (Thats psychological its not different in a pharmaceutical sense.) I think the fact you wouldn't take the tablets because you "didn't know who touched it" shows you are overtly anxious.

Even in your own telling of events he did nothing unreasonable or lacked caring:

• He checked for places to get medication.
• He went out to get you a specific medication.
• He checked again for places to get medication which he'd already go out for (any idea if he had be told it wasn't available in this "Commonwealth" country?)
• He got you an alternative form of the medication.
• He checked on you the next day
• He didn't make you have the dinner you didn't want.

Ultimately you're not suited . You want a person who give lots of attention when you are under the weather. That's fine but he's not someone who gives that you've now found out.

Out of interest what's he like when ill?

I vote you're both being unreasonable.

Expecting him to run around after you because you have a cold at 11pm is unreasonable. We've all had nights where we feel ill and don't have the stuff we'd like.

But equally his attitude sounds cold and uncaring. And to wake up saying his foot is hurting - Jesus wept. Sounds like he needs all the attention on him. IME men like this are selfish and incapable of looking after others. My lovely DP would do anything for me any time of the day or night - that's what you want! Although I wouldn't ask him to.

He's shown you who he is - believe him. Don't have kids with him.

This is such a common thing that men do.

At least two guys I've been with have behaved like this, and you see it on here all the time.

Lemsip is just paracetamol with Vit C.

’tablets don’t work for me’ is nonsense. Paracetamol tablets and a hot tea would have had the same result.

Fretting about expiry dates in paracetamol tabs is ridiculous. Though I agree it is importsnt to know what the tablet actually is.

You are ill and feeling grotty, he sounds tired with work and had a bad foot…. See how it unfolds.

You had a bit of a cold, you weren't really ill, all very dramatic. Seems like the poor bloke can't win, and the sulking about dinner was pathetic

Agreed.

He had a sore foot and had already been out once. If you were going to be staying in the hotel whilst he had to go to work the next morn I can see why he might've wanted to get some sleep.

OP, I think you are getting a really hard time on here. I would suggest asking mumsnet to move this thread to the Relationships board where I think you will get more understanding and support.

YANBU, my understanding is you did not even get any paracetamol, and I don't blame you at all for not wanting to take a random, unmarked tablet. You had a temperature which meant you were too unwell to go out yourself to get paracetamol or a cold remedy. To me a relationship is about mutual support and kindness, doing the most for each other not the least.

I'd also beware of the 'foot hurts' it may be genuine but I was in an abusive relationship with a partner who, whenever I was sick, she was sicker. Maybe he really did have a sore foot or maybe it was a way of making an excuse for not doing more for you.

I felt quite sorry for the bf reading this. I’m sorry OP but it sounds quite demanding. I’d go downstairs to get someone a lemsip at that time of night but I’d not be going out to the shops if I’d to get up at 6.30. I don’t want to get out of my bed once I’m in it! Always best to have basic things to hand for these kind of eventualities.

Agreed. You sound like hard work. Paracetamol and hot drink are in effect, lemsip.
Would you have traipsied about a a foreign country for him at 11pm?

Obviously everyone is different but if I woke up on a work trip/holiday with a sore throat and runny nose, I'd be annoyed at myself for forgetting to pack some paracetamol but then I'd have a cup of boiling water, prop up the pillows and go back to sleep. Defo wouldn't expect my partner to drive out to some pharmacies in pursuit of some over the counter drugs.

If it really was that bad, with feelings of suffocation and delusions/hallucinations, it would have been better to ask the hotel to call for a doctor.

Sorry OP, but you did ask if you were BU!

I think you're getting a hard time on here. You should be entitled to be a bit of a "princess" (hate that term) when you're feeling like crap and it's not unreasonable to hope the person in your life who supposedly loves you the most might have a bit of sympathy. I spent 20 years with someone who basically ignored me and occasionally tutted every time I was ill. If this is the first time, give him the benefit of the doubt maybe. I think how someone treats you when you're ill speaks volumes about who they really are.

I think this too, neither of you completely in the right here. Unless very sick I wouldn't be going out at 11pm at night driving round in a foreign country, no matter which one it is. If my partner was sick enough for me to feel that was necessary Id be asking reception for a GP not finding a late night chemist. Even at home its got to be very serious for me to not wait till the next day. Saying you were delusional just adds to the feeling of drama from the post.

@Crazychaotic nobody's saying you can't be really sick with a fever, but OP just made a cup of tea and went to bed - she clearly wasn't that delusional

Yes to this comment

"I've been with him for 18 months, during which I never got ill. He even commented on this saying it's really good."

Red flag right there in your first paragraph.

Well yes, obviously you can be delusional with a fever, but just having a fever doesn’t make you delusional.

And you went to hospital rather than sent your partner off on a wild goose trip for lemsip late at night.

Sorry OP, but I think you're being unreasonable here.

You have a cold, not a serious illness? It was very late at night and he did go to the store which didn't have the medicine you wanted.

Why didn't you ask him to get it earlier in the day, if it's the only thing that works for you when your cold becomes really uncomfortable?

You wanted him to try a different store at 11pm when he may well have been very tired. I wouldn't do that for my DH at that time of night unless he was seriously unwell (and then I would say to call 111 really).

You told him you didn't want any dinner and you're angry he didn't bring you any dinner. Do you see the issue here?

Perhaps you both need to work on improving your communication instead of having unsaid expectations from each other.

Poor bloke