To be concerned with how my boyfriend acted when I was ill?

This sounds a bit like - all women are multi - tasters, all women are good at the stuff needed for celebrations so cards, presents, buffets, all women are organised. They are not and sometimes men aren’t all solution based, good at detail, shit at celebrations and good at multi tasking. We don’t all conform to gender stereotypes!

I don't think I've ever met a woman who isn't self sufficient , every one I've ever met carries (certainly at thirty) their own strip of paracetamol .
OP seems for a single woman in her thirties very dependant on other people .How can you get to thirty and be so dependant ? You spent two days at a hotel with an oncoming cold and not once did you think you need to be prepared and go out and get some paracetamol , to you know think I might need this .
No your answer seems to be I've got a boyfriend for that .

I have a good man who loves his kids dearly and me. He wasn't born like that he's been crafted during our relationship to treat a woman with respect and to understand my expectations. At the start of the relationship, he obviously didn't know my expectations just as I didn't know his and we got to know each other and figured things out. Because we love each other, we want to make each other happy so we make compromises on decisions.

Yes, me too

Although OH wasn't crafted during our relationship to treat a woman with respect and to understand my expectations - he came like that fortunately. And I likewise treat him with respect and appreciation most of the time!(which OP didn't IMO)

Oh dear. You'd better never go to a silver service restaurant, you'll be horrified when your drink is served from the right side by placing it on a coaster. The cutlery and napkin will be in place. Even your plate will be put on the table rather than thrust into your hands. It's truly feral!!

Where do you people get this batshit nonsense from anyway?

Many posters have just answered the OP's question but some on both sides haven't been very nice about it at times. No-one should be trying to shame anyone on here IMO - including posters doing those that don't agree with them. Just because some of us feel the OP isn't being entirely fair to her BF doesn't mean we have awful relationships/low expectations/sh*t partners/are men/have low standards of men/get pressurised into performing sexual acts/etc which mostly hasn't even insinuated but has been given as a statement of fact

And you can't police what other posters say on here. OP didn't ask if she should work on her relationship she asked AIBU?

I think the expectations thing goes both ways.

It's not unreasonable to expect a partner to be self sufficient when they have a minor illness.

I would find it really unattractive if DH behaved like the OP with a cold and going on the dressing gown of doom posts on other threads, a lot of people feel the same way.

It doesn't mean we don't care about each other when we are seriously ill or have high standards.

I also feel like the best behaviour point goes both ways too. In the early stages of a relationship, I wouldn't expect anyone to be sending their boy/girl friend out on late night errands.

I definitely agree with this. So many people have low standards of men. The amount of women I know who hate oral sex but do it because "he'll leave if I don't and ALL men expect that anyway" No! You should be able to explain to your partner that oral sex is not what you ever want to do and they should be OK with that, same as anal. Everyone talks about my husband with extreme high regard. Everyone jealous that I have a good man who loves his kids dearly and me. He wasn't born like that, he's been crafted during our relationship to treat a woman with respect and to understand my expectations. At the start of the relationship, he obviously didn't know my expectations just as I didn't know his and we got to know each other and figured things out. Because we love each other, we want to make each other happy so we make compromises on decisions.

Honestly, at the nub of all this is that you can have whatever expectations you like of your partner and can walk away for any reason you like.

Just because some women would find the OP's boyfriend's level of effort good enough for them, doesn't mean you have to accept it.

The posters trying to shame the OP on here for finding him lacking aren't doing it for the OP's benefit (there's been no gentle, "come on now, don't lose a good relationship for something minor or you might regret it" - which is what you'd expect of posters were actually concerned for the OP herself) which means they are doing it for reasons of their own.

I would say the reasons for the attempted shaming is either they are people who don't themselves want to be held to higher standards of care and are concerned that this will become the norm and they'll look bad if other people's expectations aren't kept down, or they are people whose own partners would never treat them with those higher standards of care and they don't like being made to feel lesser-than because other people's partners would, and happily so. So they have to denigrate examples of it.

Ultimately, just do what's right for you and live as you're happy living. If you're genuinely happy not to give or receive this kind of care when you're ill, just crack on and stop calling the OP names for feeling differently.

Incorrect. From the OP's second post:

"I was definitely delusional as I had high fever"

What you do and don't do isn't relevant to what op did, she hasn't mentioned a fever you are purely speculating to fit your narrative. FYI paracetamol brings a fever down, which she claims doesn't work for her, other than a lemsip, which ironically contains paracetamol

Agree @BadLad it's a bizarre statement to make

The same people saying that putting the glass down instead of handing it to her is not rude are the same people that will lose their fucking minds if someone puts the glass down instead of handing it to them.

This is one of the strangest things I’ve read on here for a long time.

In future, always be prepared with provisions for this type of scenario happening.

I think he could have been more empathetic too and I get why you were upset. I remember going for 3 days to NY and got a raging temperature and sore throat the first day I got there. I think he could have shown more compassion. I would have a conversation with him about it, get it out in open, maybe the sore foot was worse than he was letting on

I never said it was rude to put it in the bag

And...

They only understand rudeness when it is done to them (about putting receipt in bag)

So that's exactly what you said @mandlerparr

I don't need you to make it easier for me to understand, just write clearly and don't contradict yourself.

The same people saying that putting the glass down instead of handing it to her is not rude are the same people that will lose their fucking minds if someone puts the glass down instead of handing it to them.

And that's a lazy assumption and just not true.

HTH

OP on Mumsnet people don’t believe in being nice to people when they’re ill.

MN has very strange views around etiquette!

At 11 pm at night for a cold when they have already been handed meds? No. I'm not doing it.

You can call me a shit partner but I'm in bed at 11. I'm not running around to 2 or 3 stores for cold meds close to midnight. I'm just not doing it.

I wouldn't ever ask anyone to do this for me either. It's late. I'd drink tea and rest. Rest is the best defense any ways.

Do you think it's rude to put a glass down instead of handing it to the person? Is this a thing? I've never heard of this being rude before.

How is that rude though? I don't think I've ever been handed a drink at a bar or restaurant. It's usually placed in front of me by a waiter or if someone bought it for me.

I honestly don't know why that is rude?

Nor do I understand the receipt issue? People think a receipt in the bag is rude?

I think some posters on here are missing the point as they are men!

I think you were making a lot of fuss about a minor indisposition.

Bless

Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! 🤣

🤣. Love it