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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be concerned with how my boyfriend acted when I was ill?

584 replies

Vlop · 09/05/2024 05:49

I'm 30 and he's 31. I've been with him for 18 months, during which I never got ill. He even commented on this saying it's really good.

We've travelled to another continent for his work last week. I tagged along as he wanted me to but got very sick with sore throat and running nose 2 days ago.

We wake up at 6.30 for work (he goes to the office and I work from the hotel room we're staying). Last night we went to bed at 10.30pm and I woke up literally feeling suffocated at 10.45pm. He hadn't fallen asleep yet. I asked him if he could get me flu relief hot drink. It's the only thing that actually works for me.

He went out and got back saying the store 2 minutes away didn't have any medication. I tried to sleep but was really struggling so asked him if there was any pharmacy nearby. He Googled and said that the nearest one was half an hour away and couldn't walk. He did have a car but didn't offer to drive. I explicitly told him that I was really struggling and really needed some medicine. He wasn't doing anything so I asked him to at least phone reception for medication. The phone didn't work so he had to go downstairs. At that stage he was getting really mean to me, making comments like 'I want this over with, let's get you a medicine and be done' etc. It wasn't even 11pm at this point. He came back with one random loose tablet which had no expiry date on and I didn't know who touched it. Tablets never help me anyway so I told him not to worry. Made myself some tea and dozed off.

In the morning I found out that his foot was hurting. He didn't tell me this last night so I didn't know and it explains some of the irritable behaviour. I also understand maybe I was being slightly difficult as I was really physically struggling (first time in our relationship, I'm not a princess). Today he texted me at work to see how I am only once and when he got back I told him I didn't feel like having dinner and he went out alone to eat. Don't think he even asked me if I wanted anything. I find that lack of empathy/compassion a red flag. AIBU?

OP posts:
Brefugee · 09/05/2024 09:19

I got ill (travelling alone) on a business trip to Asia. The hotel were helpful getting me OTC things, and the next day my colleagues topped it all up. Got home to find i had a lung infection and was out of work for 2 weeks.

Since then i never travel without rudimentary cold remedies etc. So while it doesn't help your current situation, take note for future.

Projectme · 09/05/2024 09:17

Barleypilaf · 09/05/2024 06:48

Another one struggling to see what he did wrong.

You had a bad cold. Even though it was late and he had to get up at 6:30 for work, he went to the store. The tablets he brought back were not good enough.

He contacted you the next day from work to see if you were OK. But apparently that’s not good enough.

You said you didn’t want dinner, but then were annoyed that he didn’t bring you dinner.

There are loads of red flags here but for him, not you. You’re 30 and had a cold.

sorry OP, but agree with this.

The red flags belong to you!

potato57 · 09/05/2024 09:17

How many times would you have wanted him to ask if you were okay if one wasn't acceptable? It sounds like you have a cold rather than anything that would require something more excessive.

twentysevendresses · 09/05/2024 09:10

Ffs OP...you have a cold! 🤦‍♀️

I'd be leaving you permanently, not just for dinner, if I was your poor boyfriend!!

Such a fuss over a bloody cold!! Grow up! 😮

Whoslaughingnowhahaha · 09/05/2024 09:07

Zampa · 09/05/2024 05:54

Imagine a future when you have children and whilst unwell, he won't step up to give you time to recover.

After only 18 months, he should be spoon feeding your Lemsip and bringing you all your favourite treats.

This.

nothingsforgotten · 09/05/2024 09:03

Seagrassbasket · 09/05/2024 06:19

Lovey - you weren’t delusional unless you had a temperature over about 42, in which case you needed a hospital, not a lemsip.

Do you not carry basic medication around in your bag when travelling?

I agree a partner not taking care of you when you are sick is definitely a red flag. But you are sounding like a princess here.

I agree. I always carry basic medications wherever I go, just in case, and certainly wouldn't have expected anyone to go out looking for medication for me in the middle of the night for a cold. It sounds as though he did his best, and yet still you complain. You do sound a bit demanding and OTT, sorry.

Tourmalines · 09/05/2024 09:03

You don’t THINK he asked you did you want anything or you are SURE he didn’t ask you if you want anything? After all you did say you don’t want to go out for dinner . Maybe he did but you were still raging with him so you never actually listened.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 09/05/2024 08:59

Are you saying that you had a fever but refused paracetamol tablets as 'they don't work for you'...but demanded a drink sachet containing paracetamol as 'it's the only thing that will work'? If that's the case then I don't think I'd be willing to go out to get you a liquid version of the same thing

Idontjetwashthefucker · 09/05/2024 08:58

I just want to know what brand of tea the hotel had because it appears it has magical healing properties, allowing OP to go from delusional to feeling better in a short space of time

jigglywigglyhungryhippo · 09/05/2024 08:53

Overthebow · 09/05/2024 06:03

He went out to get you medicine but they didn’t have any. did you seriously expect him to go on an hours round trip at 11pm to try and find more? You managed to get to sleep anyway very soon after so you were ok. For the dinner, you said you didn’t want dinner so why would he ask you what you wanted? He texted you at work but that wasn’t enough apparently. You sound like hard work.

Agree with all the other pp about you sounding like hard work.

It's a cold, and you managed to get to sleep.

FangsForTheMemory · 09/05/2024 08:52

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t take a packet of cold powders on holiday with you anyway? I always have some in my luggage. As they’ve got paracetamol in they are good for general aches and pains too.

However, your BF doesn’t sound very nice.

fieldsofbutterflies · 09/05/2024 08:51

AHF1979 · 09/05/2024 08:46

I think your first sentence about how you haven’t been ill for 18 months and he hasn’t even commented about how good this is is very weird and telling.

That's not what happened Confused

KrisAkabusi · 09/05/2024 08:48

AHF1979 · 09/05/2024 08:46

I think your first sentence about how you haven’t been ill for 18 months and he hasn’t even commented about how good this is is very weird and telling.

It's the exact opposite. He DID comment on how good that is.

AHF1979 · 09/05/2024 08:46

I think your first sentence about how you haven’t been ill for 18 months and he hasn’t even commented about how good this is is very weird and telling.

fieldsofbutterflies · 09/05/2024 08:46

He doesn’t sound caring at all.

I don't know - he went out to the shops for her and then went down to reception afterwards too. I think he sounds normal to me!

Testina · 09/05/2024 08:43

“Today he texted me at work to see how I am only once and”

I could have sworn you said you were 30 🧐

Testina · 09/05/2024 08:40

He doesn’t sound caring at all.
But honestly, when I read the whole, “only the hot drink, tablets don’t work for me” my expression was 🤨🙄
Yeah - you’re magically immune to paracetamol unless it’s masquerading as a cup of tea?
That would make me think you were over egging being sick.

SpaghettiWithaYeti · 09/05/2024 08:39

When you say you couldn't breathe. ... Do you just mean you had a stuffy nose?
Because lemsip wasn't going to be the solution if you actually couldn't breathe!

I think it someone is lemsip ill then it's a bit much to expect a partner to run round at night hunting for it. If they are properly ill then they need to go to the hospital.

With the food, you said you didn't want to eat so how was he meant to know you actually did want to eat?

However, it does sound like you might be incompatible as it sounds like you need a partner who will be more keen to play nurse and is also telepathic

UnderMyUmbrellaEllaEllaEllaEllaElla · 09/05/2024 08:39

Christ, imagine if this were a male v female reversal.

jannier · 09/05/2024 08:38

Petesbowtie9 · 09/05/2024 07:08

Perhaps boyfriend had had a drink and so couldn’t drive ?

Nobody would drive an hour 😞 nba strange country in the hope they could buy lemsip which is just soluble paracetamol and vit c it wasn't life saving antibiotics

SeriaMau · 09/05/2024 08:36

You should go NC and block him on all social media. Men are such vile creatures.

Ubugly · 09/05/2024 08:32

Delusional yet you made tea and that made you feel a bit better?

Lookwhosbackbackagain · 09/05/2024 08:28

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/05/2024 08:20

This. This is the answer you want. It’s a huge red flag he was like this.

Ignore people calling you a princess etc. Please. You absolutely are not. You deserve someone who will look after you a little when you’re ill.

Show quote history

Not being given your favourite treats is a red flag? Lol

The guy went to get her Lemsip. It’s not his fault the store didn’t have any.

usernother · 09/05/2024 08:26

Yabu. He went out. Couldn't get you what you wanted. You had a cold, that's all.

AnxiousRabbit · 09/05/2024 08:23

You have a cold
That's it
Yes I am sure you feel rotten but that's life. Once you have kids you will have 3 or 4 a year minimum and have to keep going.

You have a cold.....you could have driven to the pharmacy yourself but instead you kept him awake demanding he lookafter you like you were a child.

It's ridiculous to say that a hot flu drink is the only thing that works....absolute nonsense l.
Tablets and a cup of tea would work equally well.

My DH is pretty good at looking after me but I would not send him round a hotel looking fir medication at 11 o clock at night....I mean was the pharmacy even open??

On various holidays we have had sprained knees, gout, toothache, vomiting bugs and what was probably covid. In ever case we have managed to wait to at least the next day to get some medication and the sick person looked after themselves whilst the other took on parenting for both of us.