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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be concerned with how my boyfriend acted when I was ill?

584 replies

Vlop · 09/05/2024 05:49

I'm 30 and he's 31. I've been with him for 18 months, during which I never got ill. He even commented on this saying it's really good.

We've travelled to another continent for his work last week. I tagged along as he wanted me to but got very sick with sore throat and running nose 2 days ago.

We wake up at 6.30 for work (he goes to the office and I work from the hotel room we're staying). Last night we went to bed at 10.30pm and I woke up literally feeling suffocated at 10.45pm. He hadn't fallen asleep yet. I asked him if he could get me flu relief hot drink. It's the only thing that actually works for me.

He went out and got back saying the store 2 minutes away didn't have any medication. I tried to sleep but was really struggling so asked him if there was any pharmacy nearby. He Googled and said that the nearest one was half an hour away and couldn't walk. He did have a car but didn't offer to drive. I explicitly told him that I was really struggling and really needed some medicine. He wasn't doing anything so I asked him to at least phone reception for medication. The phone didn't work so he had to go downstairs. At that stage he was getting really mean to me, making comments like 'I want this over with, let's get you a medicine and be done' etc. It wasn't even 11pm at this point. He came back with one random loose tablet which had no expiry date on and I didn't know who touched it. Tablets never help me anyway so I told him not to worry. Made myself some tea and dozed off.

In the morning I found out that his foot was hurting. He didn't tell me this last night so I didn't know and it explains some of the irritable behaviour. I also understand maybe I was being slightly difficult as I was really physically struggling (first time in our relationship, I'm not a princess). Today he texted me at work to see how I am only once and when he got back I told him I didn't feel like having dinner and he went out alone to eat. Don't think he even asked me if I wanted anything. I find that lack of empathy/compassion a red flag. AIBU?

OP posts:
AnxiousRabbit · 09/05/2024 13:51

Halfheadhighlights · 09/05/2024 13:46

I think she was probably hoping for something still in its packaging. It’s not totally wild to think they might have some basic meds behind the desk

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Lots of countries don't have blister packs
You buy paracetamol in a bottle in 100s in the US.....and most UK hotels wouldn't have any to give out for guests , it's a liability night mare.
Interested to know exactly which country....and even if the pharmacy was open.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 09/05/2024 13:49

Well they did have basic meds but she didn't take it. Not all meds come in blister packs.

Halfheadhighlights · 09/05/2024 13:46

AnxiousRabbit · 09/05/2024 13:33

Agree but not sure what OP expected when she insisted he go downstairs and ask the night-porter for some medication.....because at 11pm I am pretty sure reception was not fully staffed.
I wouldn't have even asked.

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I think she was probably hoping for something still in its packaging. It’s not totally wild to think they might have some basic meds behind the desk

AnxiousRabbit · 09/05/2024 13:33

drusth · 09/05/2024 13:18

A random unwrapped pill is not adequate, it’s bloody dangerous!

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Agree but not sure what OP expected when she insisted he go downstairs and ask the night-porter for some medication.....because at 11pm I am pretty sure reception was not fully staffed.
I wouldn't have even asked.

samarrange · 09/05/2024 13:33

drusth · 09/05/2024 13:18

A random unwrapped pill is not adequate, it’s bloody dangerous!

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But the OP has told us that this is a civilised English-speaking country, and they are staying in a hotel on a business trip, probably quite a nice one with 24-hour reception. So what happened was likely to be this:

BF: Hi, my GF is a bit poorly, do you have anything for a cold?
Receptionist: Of course, sir. Let me go to the clearly-marked first-aid cabinet and cut a paracetamol tablet from this blister pack / shake you one out of this tub that is clearly marked "Panadol". You do appreciate that we provide this as a courtesy and you should consult a doctor if her symptoms persist?
BF: Yes, of course. Do I owe you anything? No? OK, thank you so much.

What probably did not happen was this:
BF: Oi, mate, my GF is kicking off, got something to keep her quiet?
Receptionist: Sure <scrabbles around in drawer>, give her one of these <wink>, you won't hear anything from her for the rest of the night, narmean? If you need anything else in the tablets line, lemme know, alright?
BF: Nice one! <high 5>

Lollypop701 · 09/05/2024 13:30

I don’t get it , the majority of people would leave their partner feeling ill for the sake of 15 minutes? I would get up at 11pm and drive to a chemist for whatever I could get, although accept that may be paracetamol … it’s only a cold but it’s not a hour away. You can feel shitty with ‘just’ a cold.

I wouldn’t take one unwrapped pill off anyone. Also think lemsip has a decongestant in too which helps with sleeping so not just paracetamol

do think you should have gone out during the day op but I still would have gone for my Dp

User7947433 · 09/05/2024 13:28

ExpectoPatronums · 09/05/2024 12:38

You sound like the sort of person who calls a cold the flu.
Lemsip is not the sort of thing that requires an emergency night time dash to the pharmacy.

Let's be glad the pandemic is basically over otherwise the OP would have asked "AIBU that my BF left me to die of covid?"

jannier · 09/05/2024 13:28

drusth · 09/05/2024 13:18

A random unwrapped pill is not adequate, it’s bloody dangerous!

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She worked in her room with a cold all day....could have gone out for air and tablets at lunch....
She had a cup of hot tea that made her well enough to sleep.... therefore perfectly adequate for a blocked nose ...steam....and her throat was able to swallow so no real issue ....he was on a work trip and had to be at work in the morning it was already gone 10.30pm in a strange country and she wanted him to drive 30 minutes each way for a cold FFS that's pathetic.

Starlight1979 · 09/05/2024 13:27

Pinkelephant66 · 09/05/2024 13:25

when he got back I told him I didn't feel like having dinner and he went out alone to eat. Don't think he even asked me if I wanted anything

is he meant to be a mind reader?!

When she says herself she didn't want any dinner!!!

I remember when I was in school there was one girl who always used to want attention and drama. If everyone was going out she would always say she couldn't come until someone (not me!) practically begged her and then she'd be like "oh ok I guess I'll come then" 🙄Always just needed that extra attention and validation.

If OP was 39 and not 30 I would think this was her!

Starlight1979 · 09/05/2024 13:25

NinaPersson · 09/05/2024 12:51

Here we go, it’s another “let’s pile on the OP” type post. Why do people enjoy doing this to posters who are clearly in a vulnerable state? You nasty lot!!

No, I don’t think YABU. When you’re ill and feverish it’s hard to think straight. Just maybe next time remember your medicine

Vulnerable 😂

Pinkelephant66 · 09/05/2024 13:25

when he got back I told him I didn't feel like having dinner and he went out alone to eat. Don't think he even asked me if I wanted anything

is he meant to be a mind reader?!

Sparkletastic · 09/05/2024 13:24

Isn't it delirium / delirious rather than delusional?

But yeah. Always travel with a pack of paracetamol.

User7947433 · 09/05/2024 13:23

You sound pretty high maintenance and it's very odd how two working professionals can travel to another country without bringing basic medication along?! Do you never expect to get a headache or catch a cold while on holiday?

The active ingredient in all cold and flu medicines are the same (either paracetamol or ibuprofen). The decongestant added to some remedies has been proven to be virtually ineffective. If you feel you can only get better due to the placebo effect from one specific brand, and don't take that with you on holiday, then your BF was not unreasonable to be annoyed.

There is absolutely no medical evidence of OTC meds with the same active ingredient working differently.

Starlight1979 · 09/05/2024 13:21

HMW1906 · 09/05/2024 13:13

Bit of a difference between a cold and long term illness or broken leg isn’t there really?!?! I really don’t think you can make a comparison there.

Honestly if my husband has a cold he just gets on with it, same as I do, we have no expectations of the other going out at 11pm to find a bloody lemsip and neither of us would ask for that 🙄

If either of us has a genuine illness then we will do absolutely anything for each other regardless of time of day, location, etc.

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This. I have had two (pretty bad) miscarriages and during both, DP stayed awake with me all night, got me hot water bottles and painkillers and one of the times had to go to the local petrol station in the middle of the night for sanitary pads as I had run out.

When I had a cold a couple of months ago, he made me a hot drink before bed, gave me some paracetamol and then rolled over and tried to sleep whilst I was snivelling and coughing next to him! He is the most caring and loving partner you could imagine but it is a COLD. He also - shock horror - went to work the next day AND LEFT ME ALL ALONE!

Some of the posters on here seriously give women (and the human race!) a bad name.

Jewel52 · 09/05/2024 13:20

2024istheyearforme · 09/05/2024 09:27

Run.

I was sick a few months ago, ended up puking and shitting myself all over the bathroom and my husband of 7 years cleaned it all up and made me food when I couldn't get out of bed. I was so embarrassed

That's just my standard, I'd do the same for him.

Weirdly that’s made my day, your husband sounds great 😊

KreedKafer · 09/05/2024 13:18

Vlop · 09/05/2024 06:11

The pharmacy was 5 minute drive away (half an hour WALK). I 100% would've gone for him. I did look after him when he did get sick a couple of times before, because I care about him.

I was definitely delusional as I had high fever. I was trying to ease my pain up. Don't remember feeling that bad in the last decade. And no, I didn't just happen to doze off after my tea. It definitely helped but I struggled for who knows how long.

Last thing to clarify, we're in a safe English speaking country so not a wild goose chase in some random country.

The fact you are claiming that you were ‘delusional’ from your fever is all I need to convince me that you are a massive drama queen. If you’d had a fever that bad you wouldn’t have been sitting up Googling pharmacies and turning your nose at a paracetamol tablet because someone might have touched it. You’d have been barely conscious in an ambulance.

You’ve got a cold. That is all. You do not need to send someone out for you in the middle of the night in an unfamiliar country to search for a special ‘flu drink’ that is ‘the only thing that works for you’. You’d only been in bed for 15 minutes; you’d barely tried to sleep! Stop being such a princess and get a grip.

drusth · 09/05/2024 13:18

jannier · 09/05/2024 13:04

That's not a cold which has been offered adequate tablets though

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A random unwrapped pill is not adequate, it’s bloody dangerous!

jannier · 09/05/2024 13:17

I'm hoping the boyfriend sees sense and says goodbye at the airport making a mental note to avoid anyone who never gets ill because the slightest stubbed toe is going to need extreme nursing.

Starlight1979 · 09/05/2024 13:15

Olivie12 · 09/05/2024 11:30

Red flag! You know your boyfriend/partner/DH better when you're sick and they have to take care of you.

If my DH can't sleep, I would drive around looking for a pharmacy. I've done it already when he's been sick, pharmacies closed and had to look for medicines at gas/petrol stations.

I would discuss my expectations with him and see his response.

You would get out of bed at 11pm and drive around looking for a late night / emergency pharmacy for COLD AND FLU MEDICATION?! Jesus Christ Almighty. You do know you can't die from a cold right?

Maybe me and DP are just hardcore but when we have a cold, we take some paracetamol before bed, have a hot drink and then just manage through the night feeling shit. Never in a million years would I request he gets out of bed and finds a chemist for me!!!

samarrange · 09/05/2024 13:15

pictoosh · 09/05/2024 06:20

Are these drinks not just another form of paracetamol anyway?

Should have asked him to get a jar of honey, a lemon and a pack of paracetamol then boiled the kettle. Same thing.

Or does it need to be a special 'out of a packet' drink?

Are these drinks not just another form of paracetamol anyway?

Yes. There are regular cases of paracetamol poisoning where people take a Lemsip, a Day/Night Nurse capsule, and a separate paracetamol tablet, and repeat that every 3 hours. The safe limit of paracetamol for an adult is 4000 mg, and you will hit that with 4 Lemsips and 4 Day Nurses.

jannier · 09/05/2024 13:14

Lampzade · 09/05/2024 10:57

Op has stated that she does not usually fall ill, so it is not as though she is the type of person who is always moaning about minor illnesses.
Op admits that she was being slightly difficult, but was obviously feeling really unwell.
Her dp, shouldn’t have to be told to source some medicine, he should have insisted on this
I was in Cyprus with my dh last year and could barely move as I had muscle pain. It was about 4am in the morning and we didn’t have any pain relief.
Dh went straight down to reception but they didn’t have any pain relief. He was told that he would have to wait until the pharmacy opened which was about 9am.
Meanwhile he massaged my back until I slept.
I woke up to my dh holding a snack and some painkillers. He had arrived at the pharmacy before it had even opened.
He would have done the same thing even when we were dating.

Op had a cold we all carry on with colds....if boyfriend had been on holiday he probably would have been waiting for her to wake up but as he was working he probably had to think about explaining to his boss that after the company paying the expense of his flight and hotel he couldn't get to work because his girlfriend had the sniffles and doesn't like paracetamol.....and here's your P45 mate.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 09/05/2024 13:13

drusth · 09/05/2024 12:55

But convenient to find anything that OP objects to as ‘exaggerated’.

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I think OP is prone to exaggeration after this thread

HMW1906 · 09/05/2024 13:13

TemuSpecialBuy · 09/05/2024 06:34

Honestly this.

And i am shocked at the votes.
I would seriously reconsider this relationship and think long and hard about what your life would look like should you actually have any form of long term illness or break a leg etc as well as if you have kids.

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Bit of a difference between a cold and long term illness or broken leg isn’t there really?!?! I really don’t think you can make a comparison there.

Honestly if my husband has a cold he just gets on with it, same as I do, we have no expectations of the other going out at 11pm to find a bloody lemsip and neither of us would ask for that 🙄

If either of us has a genuine illness then we will do absolutely anything for each other regardless of time of day, location, etc.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 09/05/2024 13:11

NinaPersson · 09/05/2024 12:51

Here we go, it’s another “let’s pile on the OP” type post. Why do people enjoy doing this to posters who are clearly in a vulnerable state? You nasty lot!!

No, I don’t think YABU. When you’re ill and feverish it’s hard to think straight. Just maybe next time remember your medicine

Vulnerable how? Because she's got a bit of a cold.

Moral of the story, don't post on AIBU if you don't want to hear the responses

jannier · 09/05/2024 13:10

DoYouSmokePaul · 09/05/2024 10:21

Some people on here are so horrible, I’m glad they are not my partner. When my DH is ill or in need, I will do whatever to help him. Because I love him a d he would do the same for me. I can’t imagine not doing this for someone I care about. Height of selfishness.

How many times would you get up and go out for someone when you already gave them the only cure all be it a different brand, you had pain yourself, you were on a work trip that required you to be fit to work in the morning even if a different time zone and you had already offered food, called and knew the other half had a phone and everything at disposal of recycling on service?