AIBU to take DC's football coach down a peg or two?

It happens everywhere. My DC and other DC at school were relegated to lower teams for sports because the coach didn't like the parents for whatever reason. There was absolutely no point in questioning the decision, so we didn't.
These DC eventually decided not to play for the school teams and joined outside clubs, they were much happier and we're used for their skills, not how popular their parents were
I would suggest finding another team for your DD.

I would take this opportunity to find her a new team with a nice coach and consider this a lucky escape for you and your daughter. If it is FA accredited I would put in a complaint to them.

I'd love to hear the coach's version of events. We've had a set of parents on DS's football team - endlessly complaining and moaning at any perceived slight of their child (which is always an incorrect interpretation). E.g. Their child would refuse to go on the pitch unless he could play in a particular position, which just wasn't always possible, and then his parents would complain that he'd not had as much time on the pitch as others...
They've just announced they're leaving and it honestly feels like such a relief to the rest of the team, they created an awful atmosphere - shouting and swearing at the coaches, posting nasty accusatory messages on the team whatsapp group.

I'm not saying you are like that, but I suspect if I were to ask those parents their version of events, it would sound a lot like what you've posted...

All coaches are volunteers and therefore all are saints and should never be criticised even if some of them are on ego trips that are damaging to the young children they coach

No one is saying that they can't be criticised. But doing this publicly is out of order, just because a parent doesn't like the way the coach is running the team. Take this up privately with firstly the coach, and then the club. If the club does not respond, and the parent is still convinced the rules are not being followed, then this can be taken higher.

You are correct that there's nothing wrong with wanting the rules to be adhered to, or raising concerns that you might have as a parent. But 'publicly challenging' the coach, and 'wanting to bring them down' is never going to end well for anyone.

The coach might be wrong, or the parent might be out of order, who knows, we are not there. But criticising the coach publicly in front of other parents is not ok. If the OP is so concerned about the coaching, then her or her DH should have raised this with the club or coach after the match, in private, in a respectful way. And I find it hard to believe that the shouting is really bad, given that the OP has allowed her DD to 'endure' this without raising concerns previously.

Sounds like you are in my daughters team because we have this with our coach. He's had a complaint made and he didn't care. We are moving clubs end of the season.

All coaches are volunteers and therefore all are saints and should never be criticised even if some of them are on ego trips that are damaging to the young children they coach.

I totally get you want to “take them down”. But there is no conduit to do it as some clubs are just so desperate for any volunteers, it leaves them without a coach for the team, so they don’t care if they are fit to be coaches.

I don't think "being a volunteer" is much of an excuse for intimidating small children.

Run away from this team as fast as your little girls legs can run. IME there is a special breed of coach/parent who live vicariously through their team/child.

You lost me me at publicly challenged/coach/shouting/Shrinking

Take a step back and evaluate who all this angst is for - it's not your DD. Don't fall into the trap of being those parents. Just vote with your feet.

I think he’s wanting rid of you, the parents.

I've voted YABU only because I think you'll be wasting your time / ink / breath because a man like that will never change his mind or change based on what you say.

What @deeprealisation said. Fair play to your husband for challenging this ‘coach’. They clearly have little understanding of how grass roots football works. Equal minutes for all is the rule. Nothing wrong with wanting that to be adhered to.

It would be a cold day in hell before someone shouted at my dd once in my presence, I'd certainly not put up with it for a season, where have you been?

I collected dd early from dance once to find the instructor shouting at the kids, dd never went back. It almost seems as though you're happy for her to be shouted at provided she gets playing time?

You need to step up and teach your dd about standards and boundaries.

why would you leave your daughter with a shouty coach - find another team

You won't be able to take him down a peg or two. He is the one with all the power here. Nothing you do will make any positive difference for your daughter. Only negative. Just move on to somewhere new and tell your husband to stop interfering in games.

In any sport with young children one of the priorities should be to encourage them to stay in the sport. Stay, build confidence and enjoy it so much they look forward to attending.
It is similar with adult novices in some sports.

I don’t understand why you would watch your daughter be unhappy all season. You should have moved teams ages ago.

Also why did your DH publicly challenge? Why didn’t he just have a quiet word in private?

My brother coaches kids football but he manages to do it without being an arsehole and will actually listen to parents concerns about anything and is generally encouraging towards all the kids, yes it can get competitive but not to the point where any of the kids "shrink" because of how he is talking/shouting at them

That’s great. To be fair, the majority of coaches are good people who care about the kids on their team, and will listen to parents concerns - although this doesn’t necessarily mean they will act on them - it depends if the concern is reasonable.

But what is not ok is for a parent to publicly challenge a decision. Sure, come and have a quiet chat about any concerns, but your brother (or any other volunteer coach) should not have to accept parents criticising them from the sidelines, or ‘taking them down a peg or two’. Most coaches are only doing their best (and of course have different levels of ability/experience) and some parents can be very pushy, or have a very inflated opinion of their child’s ability. No matter what a coach does, it’s usually wrong in someone’s eyes! I know this from experience - my DH was a coach for 8 years, and I often went along to help. Some of the behaviour from parents on the sidelines was truly appalling.

With regard to shouting, no coach should be shouting (past the fact that they may have to raise their voice to be heard from a distance). But if it’s that bad, why has the OP let her DD be scared for a whole season? Surely they should have raised this, or left, a long time ago?

It's this for me.
You were going to keep her there (and still would have by the sounds of it) had you not been asked to find a new club. Sounds like your complaint is based more on vengeance seeking than actual concern. Your DH also chose to publicly addesss the pitch time rather than the fact your child physically recoils from the coach and is terrified.

The vibe I'm getting from a few posters is that because the coach is likely a volunteer then everyone should just ignore the shouting at kids lol. My brother coaches kids football but he manages to do it without being an arsehole and will actually listen to parents concerns about anything and is generally encouraging towards all the kids, yes it can get competitive but not to the point where any of the kids "shrink" because of how he is talking/shouting at them. Loving the replies where the posters are "oh so concerned about your wording" lol "take him down a peg or two" just who do you think you are lol. Everyone loves being on their high horse on here and no doubt I will be getting quoted with a stern response with this post lol maybe even taken down a peg or two lol it gets daft on here

Depends on ethos of your club. U7 is non competitive but some clubs have a more ‘winning’ mentality. I have one child who would thrive in those environment and one that wouldn’t. My children teams do reasonable playing time. One (u12 so competitive) always plays the full match and one usually plays about half sometimes more if he is playing well.

Why have you sat back and let your child endure being shouted at when you’ve seen the negative impact it’s had?

What did your DH hope to achieve by ‘daring’ to publicly confront the coach? He should have raised this privately in a more outcome focused way. It is likely they sidelined your child to encourage you to leave as public confrontation isn’t fair on the coach, children or even other parents and is likely against your clubs code of conduct.

The whole attitude of wanting to bring a volunteer down a peg or two isn’t great. Wanting to safeguard children from poor practice I could understand but it just sounds like your feelings are hurt and you are responding to that.

There are comments on here from existing coaches, so I won't comment on the actual coaching. But I have to say your whole post and the language you use come across as very confrontational. "Taking someone down a peg or two" had my back up straightaway.

By all means advocate for your DD, that's your job as a parent, but publicly calling out someone (probably an unpaid volunteer) is not nice.

Maybe you are part of the problem and, if so, you run the risk of being a blight on your daughter's activities and in the end she may not want you there.

As the mum of a DS who played in a pro academy, buckle in. Youth football brings out the worse in parents.

If a complaint is warranted, make a complaint.

But your language and the way you describe it is so combatitive. You weren’t concerned about your DD’s feelings until she was dropped and your DH ‘dared to publicly challenge’. You talk about your ‘dignity’ or should you ‘take him down’, ‘take him down a peg or two’ - it’s so much about your status.

Would you be complaining and ‘taking him down a peg or two’ if she had been getting maximum playing minutes? Even though she hates being shouted at?

Or is it revenge?