AIBU to take DC's football coach down a peg or two?

My sons coaches shout what to do from sidelines, in an encouraging nice way, they shout to tell them to pull back, get in position, find a man to mark and so on, they mainly shout words of praise and encouragement for doing well or “hard luck” if they missed a shot etc, they DONT shout at the kids in an angry way which is what she means, shouting getting pissed at the fact they’re not doing things to perfection. There are coaches like that within all clubs who do that and the kids hate it, funny enough they’re usually the ones losing games too…I wonder why 😏 This topic is about a 7 year old girl playing on a team, they’re SEVEN!! It’s not needed. Praise and encouragement and helping them work on areas they need to work on goes a lot further than a grown ass man getting agitated and roaring scaring the shit out of them 🙄

Exactly this!! I’m genuinely shocked at some of these replies saying her or her daughter are the problem….THEY ARE FLIPPING 7 YEAR OLDS!!! The f is wrong with these nasty arses thinking it’s ok to do this to a 7 year old or even be shouting at them 🤬 I know of a kid who swapped from one U10 team to another because of this bs. He hated the shouting from the coach and withdrew into himself, he was miserable, dreaded training and started avoiding matches. Swapped to other U10 team (there’s 3 teams) and he thrived, he came home happy from training, scored brilliantly on his very first game and was then happier at home too. Arsehole bullying coaches who put their kids down cause more problems within their teams than they care to admit but rather blame the kids!!

Your being totally unreasonable...

I'm a football mum my sons 11 now.
I'm there week in week out...every training session every football match.
We are outside with him practicing ball control and passing and shooting, doing drills ect as he wants to progress in this sport.

Playing football is about winning...
Kids don't go out to lose the match, they go out wanting to win and so they should.

Do you both as parents do any extra coaching with her???

Coaches shout they are supposed to if they stood at the sidelines doing nothing the kids wouldn't know what to do.

Find another team and also let your daughter know shouting is normal.in football

"DH dared to publicly challenge the coach"
Your husband has gone off on one publicly at the volunteer who runs your child's club, giving up their own time and likely money. Is it any wonder they don't want to deal with your family anymore?

YABU to 'take them down a peg or two'
What do you even mean by this? Because it sounds like you're threatening them.

If you find another club who are willing to take your child, please speak to the volunteers with respect, and if you notice anything 'on unfair playing minutes', perhaps try to address this is a calm, and reasonable manner in future.

My boy is 13 & our coaches do not behave like that. We still have equal playing time & they do not shout from the sideline. Instructions are given before the game & at half time. Other than that it is up to the boys to make their own decisions on the pitch. That's how they learn. If your DD really enjoys football, I would look to move & find a nicer team elsewhere.

She's 7 😂

Married to a coach who has coached since U9. He’s competitive as our team play at a very high level and all the kids are talented and most have been at pre-academy level but he would never dream of shouting at the boys, he has learnt techniques to motivate each boy individually, learnt what makes them tick and what to say to help and develop each of them. He knows that shouting won’t make them better, if anything it makes them worse.

At U12 it is a little different and he has had to give less game time to 1/2 boys who struggle with the level the team is at but up to this season he always tried to give equal game time but ….

He’s has parents said my kid only has 32 mins this week instead of 35, my kid wants to play in this position, my kid should play the whole game etc etc. None of them volunteer their time to run the line, referee a game but my husband spends hours planning training sessions, doing FA courses monthly, club admin etc all as a volunteer. It’s easy to be a parent on the side line moaning and bringing the coach down a peg or two but how many parents are willing to give up hours each week for a team?

In your situation, the coach is wrong but so are you. Have that chat in private and don’t be the parent who comes across as their child is the most important one in the team but I would say the relationship is beyond repair and it’s time to find the right team for your DD. Also I would mention your concerns about the way he coaches to the welfare officer, that’s what they volunteer their time for.

I have been here with my son's 3rd coach telling an 11yr old autistic child he wasn't good enough for other kids to pass to yet came from a team that won the league,being top defender and full game time. The manager had to shut team down as no one could take over and he'd had an heart attack. He just didn't want to deal with my child being bullied and played 3 new players before putting him on for literally 2 minutes at the end. We tried talking to coach and everything and I wouldn't bother that's why my vote is yabu because there is no reasoning with idiots like this. Grassroots is not meant to be like that and his manager before brought him on from falling over the ball when running to kick it and only able to kick the ball a foot to what he was and is now. There are fantastic coaches out there on grassroots just find the right one for your daughter x

Tale her away and go find a rugby team. So very inclusive and welcoming. She will play a minimum of half a game, regardless of ability.

No offence but why have you allowed a grown man to shout at your child to the point you can see her physical recoil? He should have been called out there and then. Get you child away from that team before it does some permanent damage.

Leave and find a better team for your daughter, but yes, make a formal complaint about any coach who shouts at children and doesn't have a system for ensuring every child has a fair amount of playing time, at that level. Grass roots is supposed to be about that.

This basically happened to our son… myself and husband are qualified coaches so asked for the code of conduct for the team, proof of all coaching badges etc as it’s surely bad for a child’s mental health and also told them to we were taking it to the football association… which in our case is Durham. They sharp backed down but we pulled him out anyway by this point due to the vileness overall

I would find out who your clubs welfare officer is and speak to them about it. Then I would look for another inclusive team. Grassroots football is about development at all levels, she should be getting the chance to improve.

Why would you want t your DD to attend this anyway?

I think this situation is a bit nuanced. I don't think your DH should have interfered in the coach's business. However, I also think the coach's behaviour, if it is as you have described, sounds like bullying, and I don't think it is acceptable to just turn a blind eye to bullying.

Honestly I think you should just walk away.

The coach is giving up his time for free and instead of taking him aside to see what your daughter could do to get more field time, your DH dressed him down Infront of others.

I think it's you and your DH he wants rid of more thank your DD because nobody should be yelled and spoken to like that, especially a person giving up his time for free to coach kids football

YANBU and anyone saying you are needs to take a look at themselves. All kids develop at different rates and being at that age playing time, development but mainly enjoyment should be the priority not winning at all costs. It's nice to win but it's even nicer to see a player progress with the team from 6yrs to 18.
Unfortunately coaches find it difficult to change this mentality and you will be looked at as the difficult parent. it may be better to find another club. I am a football coch

Having come from a point of my then nearly 7 year old getting 'moved on' from an u7s team because I stupidly let it slip that he was born with talipes (clubfoot). I do completely understand the frustration of your child being treated incredibly unfairly by a coach.

Unfortunately though, most coaches are just volunteers. Mostly parents just wanting a team for their own child to play on. And playing devils advocate for the coach, it's just more hassle than it's worth when you have a family who aren't happy. Since getting cut my husband stepped up and got coach trained with a club because there wasn't another free team to go into, I had no idea the amount of admin involved in running a bloody u8s team, it's mad, it's taken over our lives.

That coach is a bad one, no one ever needs to get shouty, it's none competitive, they're just kids wantinh to learn teamwork and how to play football, it's very frustrating to watch other teams cowering from their coach when they play.

Get her into a team that promote fairness and equal play time or start your own team, the difference is night and day now with my son, he loves training and playing and has given my husband that new level of bonding that's just for them. Your daughter deserves a better team.

Your DD wasn't happy. Your daughter will never do well under this coach .@Leave find a different team. If you feel very strongly write a letter of complaint. If this coach has lots of complaints against him it's being overlooked. If yours is the only complaint they can file it under crazy parents.

Your DD wasn't happy. Your daughter will never do well under this coach .Leave find a different team. If you feel very strongly write a letter of complaint. If this coach has lots of complaints against him it's being overlooked. If yours is the only complaint they can file it under crazy parents.

Coaches should not be yelling unfortunately it's a common practice I'm finding especially as you move up age groups My DC has just made a very tough decision to leave their grass routes team for this very reason leaving playing with their friends since primary but when your yelled at constantly it can knock confidence when your told you need to do better and try harder when we told them they were shocked and have asked my DC to stay probably because my DC has scored 68% of the goals and it's high double digits and yep still told to try harder. My DC has been upset too many times this season and doubted their ability, however it has been their decision we have said we will support no matter what.

This

That is your experience. An equal amount do not shout. They coach the subs and involve them in watching the game & explaining what is needed.
Sideline shouting is very poor practice. You wouldn't see it in a classroom

All primary age football is clashed as development football and no scores kept or published. They play to learn. That's why most clubs give equal game time and opportunity.
Any adults at U7-10 etc benching children to win games is not getting it.
The scores dictate nothing

That is absolutely a breach of GDPR so would trigger disciplinary action if you notify the FA.

He's an even bigger A-hole than I previously thought. How f dare he