AIBU to take DC's football coach down a peg or two?

You really need to take the sharing of information regarding a child’s mental health further. Coaching kids sport (I coach rugby) is about so much more than the vanishingly minute chance of a child making it to professional level. As a club we work closely with a mental health charity at all levels and really try to promote the positives of being part of a team at whatever level throughout your life. Seeing the kids encouraging the less able players is one of the best bits of coaching imho.

Just because you're a volunteer does NOT mean you can flout GDPR law, shout at children and ruin their confidence.

You do get terrible volunteers. I had to get rid of one that was clearly a safeguarding risk to children. Being a volunteer does not make you a saint and absolve you from crap, illegal or dangerous behaviour.

You may be surprised but some people volunteer purely because they enjoy the power trip of being in charge of children, some even volunteer to get near to children for sexual gratification reasons.

Volunteer does not equal good person.

"Can you imagine a SPL or EPL player being pish they won't get game time and why should they"

That's the point. Kids' football isn't the Premier League 🤦‍♀️

You sound like one of those parents who knows all the rules, but has no idea what kids' football is really about.

The worst part of kids football is the parents.
My husband coaches and he’s damned if does damned if he doesn’t.
They criticise if we lose heavily, they criticise if we’re winning and have to swap players for weaker ones (to make sure equal playing time) and then lose the game, he’s criticised if they don’t swap players. He’s criticised for everything. Not to mention parents coaching from the sidelines giving opposite instructions to the coaches.

He’s a volunteer who’s coaching under 10s ffs.

It sounds to me that the coach has had enough of the parents rather than the player. My DH is on the verge of telling a few of our parents to find another team if they’re unhappy.

I’m just stunned that 40% think it’s acceptable to shout at a volunteer coach who is doing his/her best to run a decent sports team in their spare time. If the coach is not fit for purpose, please raise with the club secretary, chair or safeguarding officer. Talking down them a peg or two as you put it in public is wrong.
Ive seen angry parents shouting at coaches and the same ones will scream abuse at a 17 year old referee. Yet ask for volunteers for anything and no-one puts up their hands.
Rugby have a better framework where abuse is not tolerated, the referee decision is final, the parents must stay and help out with jobs.
But we can improve football if we use the club system and whistleblowing policy (every club has one).

@Truthtalker does your DC play at grassroots level?
I only ask as you say they want to progress but normally by 11 they are already signed to an Academy if they have the ability.
My DS was signed by his professional team before he was 11 and after that there were very few new players that didn't come from another academy team.
And professional academy's in Scotland at least, take a very dim view on shouting, either coaches or parents. The first night my DS signed we were told that if a parent shouts from the sidelines their son is taken off.

It was also very clear that coaches coach, they are paid to, not parents
Op I'd def complain about the sharing of emails, that really isn't on at all

This is bang on.

Oh my god. This is a volunteer.
No one forced you to choose his team. If you’re unhappy with how he runs it, find another team or start, run, manage, coach your own (whilst dealing with unreasonable parents)

This isn’t the EPL or SPL - it’s grassroots, youth football.

Great post.

80% of referees in youth football (U7 to U12) are children themselves and I have seen so many of them quit because of parents (and coaches) like this.

National silent sideline Weekend that I have never heard of 🤣🤣🤣

And my sons still at 9's they don't change to 11s until after summer break.
And if you have the voice for it it's possible.to shout across an 11s pitch no bother.

Yeah but if you have a player in the team who's pish...then they arent going to get as much game time as the better players its how it goes.

Improve fitness.
Work on your flaws.
Practice outwith training sessions.
You will improve and will gain more game time.

Can you imagine a SPL or EPL player being pish they won't get game time and why should they.

And the coaches don't have a shouting policy they have a train your kids policy give them pointers policy tell them to do better policy.
They won't improve if they aren't told.

Sub on the sideline ain't on the park playing...can only coach them before they go on the park to play so yeah speak to them but when your on the pitch playing can't stop game every other minute to tell ref sorry I need to Speak with number 7 to tell him he needs to do this this and this.

Or number 12 to do this the ref would be like fuck off mate there trying to play.

@deeprealisation there’s mixed ability and being completely out of your depth!

One of my parents is obsessed with Chelsea scouting his kid. I’m not even sure how much his son likes football, it’s utter madness.

@Truthtalker You’re the type of parent who I try to stand nowhere near on the sidelines, and internally wince with embarrassment at their behaviour when I have to. You’ve completely misjudged the under 12s ethos, and you’re in danger of making your DC feel that your time, attention and maybe even love are conditional on being good at football.

It’s awful to observe, not just for your DC but because when adults are vocally desperate to win, it changes the whole atmosphere of the game for the worse. It becomes deadly serious, with blame and public shaming for children who get things wrong, and sometimes even disagreement with the (volunteer) ref.

@Truthtalker your coaches obviously have a shouting policy. But no it's not necessary it's their preference.
You can coach very effectively by talking to subs on sideline whilst observing game & tell them individually what to do. Rotate subs frequently and do it throughout game. Then just reminders shouted like 'reset, find your player'
The kids need to learn to make own decisions or they are developmentally hampered.
And at u13 and 11v11 it's impossible to yell across a pitch that big.
Bet they hate National silent sideline weekends lol

Unless your child is exceptionally talented or you provide financial backing, you will have absolutely no power in this situation at all to 'take him down' in any way. He won't care about anything you say to him as, bluntly, your DD isn't a child he values on the team, so he isn't going to care that she leaves. If it makes you feel better to say your piece, go ahead, but I wouldn't think in terns of taking him down a peg, because it'll likely be water off a ducks back.
If you feel very strongly you could make a complaint to whoever is in charge, but the most you're likely to get it a 'Sorry you feel that way, hope your DD finds a better fit elsewhere' fob off.

@Twilightstarbright other clubs tho don't grade 6/7/8 year olds as individuals they keep teams together and the team as a unit moves to appropriate grade group. The problem with grading individual kids so early is that the footy ace at 7 is often not the best at 8-9 and at 10 the later developers often whizz past.
Seen it told & time again. Putting all the weakest kids in one team isn't great for development either.
Mixed ability teams can really challenge all.. the weaker have to work to keep up and the stronger have to compensate and should learn to support weaker team mates / pass to them and not just hog the ball.. they are only 7 and all learn at different rates and will have different skills. The fastest kids are actually long term the best.

Report him to the FA and find a nice team. It should not be competitive at that age. Coaches should be encouraging all children to enjoy the game. They should all get equal game time regardless of ability.

Also, here’s a more technical example. Most of my team are starting to use skills in the game- stepovers and Cruyff turns. I have a couple of kids still toe poking the ball or kicking the ball as far away as possible. Not a problem, it’s U7 and there’s time to learn. HOWEVER it starts getting a bit miserable for these kids as they can’t keep up in the game and end up ball watching. They would hugely benefit from being in a different division.

Our league has 5 divisions so whilst it isn’t competitive it is vaguely grouped on ability.

Our Club has 3 teams roughly top division, mid and lower divisions. The biggest barrier we have is parents not believing us when we say they’d benefit from being in a different team at our club. Even my own DC would benefit moving to the lowest division and I have no ego about it, I just want him to enjoy playing. Conversely, I’ve suggested a couple of players move to the top division team as they would benefit from it.

Sorry OP not really relevant to your post but thought it might help others understand a bit.

I’m a U7 football coach. It’s far more than an hour or two a week. I volunteer for free.

I have difficult parents who like to undermine my decisions- coaching from the sidelines, tell their kid to do the opposite to what I said. The same ones turn up late, never help with anything and are generally a nuisance.

Am I perfect? Far from it! Do I try my absolute best to give equal game time over the season taking into account holidays and kids missing matches to go to birthday parties? Yes.

Am I suggesting that the difficult parents find a new team next year? Yup. I need to be treated with a basic level of respect and if the parents don’t do this I’ll quit and there will be no team.

There’s some shit coaches out there but in my experience there’s a lot of ungrateful shit parents too.

FWIW my DC plays football in another team, coach was needlessly aggressive and I pulled my child out that week. Vote with your feet if you aren’t happy.

We've avoided football completely for this reason. Its full of jumped up coaches and parents who think their 6 year old is the next messi. The never ending drivel about who's been "selected" for whatever (privately run, expensive) "academy", the kid who matured slightly earlier being treated like they'll be the best forever and being given far more support/time on the pitch than others.

Remember.... basically none of them will even regularly play football as a hobby as an adult, let alone ever play seriously.

Look for a rugby club. Miles better run and more inclusive.

Brilliant post @Lucyccfc68, sorry @Truthtalker you are totally wrong!

It’s grassroots and the FA do not encourage coach’s that shout. It’s about inclusion not just winning. Any concerns about the coach’s behaviour should be raised with the clubs welfare officer.

Go. Get your child away from this toxic coach and club or she will be put off football for life.

An important read for everyone involved in youth football.

https://www.thefa.com/-/media/cfa/essexfa/files/players/playing-your-part---fa-grassroots-youth-guide.ashx

I’ll assume that you have never read and signed a Club ‘code of conduct’ nor read the FA’s ethos on youth football?

Football is about fun and development (at least until U12’s). There are no league tables or scores published from U7’s to U11’s. The FA coaching course absolutely does not teach the coaches that playing football is all about winning - it is all about equal game time, fun, having a great attitude regardless of the result and respect for each other, other players and officials.

Coaches should not be shouting at the children, to the point where they get upset or are scared of the coach. Any coach who behaves like this should be reported to the club welfare officer and even the County FA safeguarding lead.

My son used to referee youth football and we regularly came across parents with your attitude. The ones in the sidelines with the loudest mouth, who constantly shouted instructions to their child and constantly questioned the referee (despite knowing sod all about the laws of the game). I was nervous when my son started refereeing adults football at the age of 16, but I far prefer it because he doesn’t have to put up with gobby, disrespectful parents who think their kid is the next Phil Foden and teach them to to have a win at all costs mentality.