AIBU to take DC's football coach down a peg or two?

There are different 'types' of team. It sounds like your current team probably has some players with decent potential and ambitions for a high division within the league. It's very hard for a coach to manage that (and equally pushy, vocal, complaining parents of those players) with players who are doing it for fun and aren't particularly talented (and parents of those who also complain, but about completely the opposite things). It sounds as though you'd be better off moving to a 'football for fun' type team where the kids can play together at the same level, without high expectations. It's incredibly hard for a coach to balance expectations of both these sets of parents (I speak from experience). Just be grateful there are volunteers who run these activities. The amount of ingratitude I receive is painful. Perhaps you or your husband can step up to run a team if there is nowhere suitable to move your daughter to.

these are volunteers, as a coaches wife and mum to a young coach and a referee, there is a lot more than 1 to 2 hours a week to it.

There’s the time they put in to actually getting the qualification in the first place, all the admin involved, lining the pitches…mine have ruined countless pairs of shoes and spent hours and hours lining pitches. Then there’s all the endless questions from parents who don’t read the messages they are sent and all the private messages when they aren’t happy about something. Ordering kit, supplying missing kit, keeping first aid and safeguarding up to date. Collecting subs, chasing for them endlessly and accounting to the club for them.

Researching training and drills and tactics (no they don’t just pull it out of their backsides on the day) only to find half the kids won’t turn up for training and no ones bothered to let you know so you can’t do the drills you planned.

No they should not be abusive but I would suggest you spend some time in their shoes and volunteer if you think there is so little is involved and the fact is that it is extremely difficult to get people (especially ones with plenty to say about what you’re doing wrong) to volunteer at all and even less easy to get them to stay once they realise what’s actually involved. Without these volunteers there is no grass roots and most coaches we know put hours of effort into it, for the kids. For little or no thanks from most of the parents.

Life is too short to put up with people like that. It doesn't matter if they are coaches, teachers, etc. They are supposed to inspire children, and make them strong and confident, instead of feeling bullied or belittled. Move on until you find the right team/coach. Your child will learn that she doesn't have to put up with people who don't give her enough respect.

As a mum of 3 who has been through this multiple times at different age groups….

1. the coach isn’t going to change
2. your daughter deserves better so don’t hesitate a second longer
3. your husband probably shouldn’t have publicly challenged the coach. At u7 it’s wrong to do what the coach did, but you know he’s a bad coach (you said it - he shouts and belittles) so what did you expect to happen.
4. learn a massive lesson in any part of life. Just because your brain works in the right way, it doesn’t mean that the coach’s brain works that way too. Confronting him was the wrong move because he’s obviously immature.

I'd be careful if a volunteer. The coach may turn round and say go on you do the coaching and just walk off.

DH dared to publicly challenge the coach on unfair playing minutes

😳

Yep totally agree. Admittedly I didn’t read the entire thread so didn’t see the OP’s update on how the issue was raised.

I think bringing up issues at an end of season meeting is the correct forum for airing any issues.

I’d complain and leave, this is basically an extra curricular volunteer overstepping and behaving inappropriately.

I think if your husband publicly called out the coach in front of others on game time this is unreasonable. This should have been done on one to one basis in private.
I thought this initially too. I had imagined that the OP's DH was berating the Coach on the side of the pitch in front of the kids and I said that even if the complaint was justifiable two wrongs don't make a right.
However, the OP has since clarified that the comments were made in an end of season meeting between the coach and parents which probably isn't an unreasonable forum in which to raise concerns. I don't think there's much point in holding such meetings if you're not going to take feedback and you need to be prepared for it not all to be positive.

I’m just stunned that 40% think it’s acceptable to shout at a volunteer coach who is doing his/her best to run a decent sports team in their spare time. If the coach is not fit for purpose, please raise with the club secretary, chair or safeguarding officer. Talking down them a peg or two as you put it in public is wrong.

Or maybe volunteer to put yourself out there and train, in your own time, to be a coach if you're such a good judge of skill.

I an wondering if the parents wanting to 'take the coach down a peg are two' are the same arrogant fools who proudly declared that they 'had their child's school by the balls'?

Unfortunately it sounds the perfect storm of
Your child not fitting in with the team
The football volunteer wanting a wining team
You and your husband being " those parents "

Just pull her and find a more suitable team for her

I’m a welfare officer and licensed coach for a grassroots club. Firstly it’s grassroots football. At this level and age it should be about kids loving the game and inclusive. Players should get an equal playing time. The coach should not have a “win at all costs” approach and it sounds as though the “winning” has become more important to the coach than the girls loving the game.

unfortunately it’s something I’ve seen happen commonly and I’ve had to have conversations with coaches that have asked if they can “drop a kid who isn’t good enough”. We remind them of our club ethos and encourage them to coach the players that they feel aren’t as strong to help them improve rather than just sit them on the sidelines.

Coaches are all volunteers and it’s not just the hour or 2 for training and the match that coaches have to spend their time on. It’s the time spent before training or matches setting up, planning training sessions, sending texts to parents to check they have the match details and who’s free to play and whether they have enough players. It’s making sure they have an official to referee the game. The endless texts from parents that aren’t happy with a decision made or that the team didn’t win a game. Taking qualifications needed and CPD training to develop further.
on top of this there’s safeguarding or disciplinary issues that have to be dealt with. It’s a thankless task at times.

I think if your husband publicly called out the coach in front of others on game time this is unreasonable. This should have been done on one to one basis in private.

i can see all sides. I’ve been the Mum where the kid is only getting trotted out for 5 mins at the end of the match as he’s not a strong player, I’ve been the coach and the welfare officer.

As others have suggested it would be better to just leave but maybe email the welfare officer to voice your concerns. Some
coaches are brilliant and some just want their team to win at all costs but unless the club is aware they can’t challenge the coach on the conduct

I hope this doesn’t put DD off playing and I hope you find a new team she’s happy playing for

Exactly what I said. They are sent to the league.

Regardless, I have three sons and I have never met a boy playing in a football league at any age that doesn't want to win. No matter what the FA say about kids not carrying about winning. Sure there may be some but the majority of them play competitively to win their game, regardless of age.

@CandiedPrincess U7-11 is classed as non competition development footy. Kids should play different positions to learn. They are allowed one cup competition to run along side the league but there are no points & league tables. FA rules nationally,
The league may take the scores to group equal teams accordingly but nothing more. Only cup games have scores that count.
It's set like that specifically to stop coaches just playing to win at foundation states.
U12 up is competition football

It doesn't sound like your daughter has much fun in this team - I'd have moved her before this.

YABU
Every football team has its way, some are hugely competitive and full of players wanting to succeed, get scouted etc and some are kids are just want to play. The key is to find the right team for you DD, one think I do know is that having a go at your coach is never ever ever going to make things better, they are volunteers, they are doing what they think is right for the whole team, not just your DD.
I’ve seen many a parent cause unnecessary trouble for their kids by kicking off when they should just keep quiet.
simple answer is that if you don’t like the way the team is run, find one that suits you better.

@CandiedPrincess if he is doing that for U7’s to U12’s then he obviously didn’t listen to anything he was taught on his coaching courses.

@Truthtalker is right though. It's a competitive sport. The whole point is to win.

My DH is a grassroots coach and he has to make tough decisions sometimes on the team, parents don't always like it however, if you've got weaker players, who just want to be there for 'fun', the other members of the team get frustrated because 90% of them are there because they want to play competitively.

And the teams do log the results - these might not be shared publicly but DH has to do a match report and send scores to the league and club after every match. Everyone in the league know where they are in the league...there's a cup final, the scores matter.

As you are in Scotland, here you go:

https://www.scottishfa.co.uk/media/11198/scottish-fa-young-players-share-their-views-report-2023.pdf

You might want to see page 12 and the reasons why children play football - look at the top answer. Pages 23 to 25 are all direct quotes from Scottish children.

Messi is an adult playing professional football. What we are talking about here is children playing grassroots football.

Your attitude is everything that is wrong with youth football today.

All season I have watched my daughter endure the shouting from her coach, she visibly shrinks…

What have you done regarding this throughout the season?

DH dared to publicly challenge the coach

What form did this take?
You say publicly challenge.
This might be a quiet word in the vicinity of others.
Or it might be screaming and shouting, with obscenities, across the pitch whilst game was in play.

So, how close to one of those options was the challenge, in reality?

Completely agree with this as it develops the kids to understand the game. I always said to our DC when your on the bench you watch, you learn the oppositions play and you talk with the coaches that way when you go on your prepared. I would love to say 11v11 coaches can't scream across the pitch but unfortunately they can and do and some in our league are horrendous I especially hate when they scream "come one we have this your way better than this bunch they are pathetic they can't play" just because we have scored and they haven't.
I do think that some coaches because of this also teach players to be disrespectful in games being in 11v11 I have seen some really dirty tackles and tactics with coaches and parents encouraging it and when one really dirty tackle took out one of our players the parents and coach were shouting " just like that keep doing it" and " don't hover around come away they aren't your team mate you dont need to concern yourself with their injury" that was one lovely coach after the wipe out by the player he was screaming the words at from a two footed tackle to the chest.
My DC loves their saturday club but their saturday club coach has really knocked his confidence this season has never shown praise at all or positive encouragement. That isn't to say I don't agree with some of the things he has said just not the way he has said it and how he has lumped all in the same category when they have it has not always been all on the pitch who have not been doing as told, which is why it's been a very very tough decision for our DC to leave and it has solely been their decision we would have supported him staying if that had been what they wanted as it is what ever they feels is best for them

Il be glad if he doesn't end up like Phil foden 🤣🤣🤣 there's far better out there.

If your child becomes scared when someone shouts says more about you than anything

And our grassroots isn't with FA il assume your English.

I've read conducts.
I've argued with knobheads who think their sons are the next Messi 🤣🤣🤣 who try Diss other kids on the park. Even the shit ones.

All this football is about fun no its not... its a competitive sports if your child goes out and goes its OK its the taken part that counts...mate they deserve to be on the bench...

Messi didn't go into the world Cup going its fine if we lose its the taken part that counts.. have yerself on if you think that's the mentality they have.

And we have had no issues with any ref so I couldn't comment on that.

The teams log their results. It may not be on a league table yet but they do keep scores there are numerous grassroots football teams out there who upload to fb everywhere saying who they have played and what the final results were. So it's noted and discussed at training sessions.

And I know what the CWO is for we have had to use it as one of the coaches resulted to swearing at the kids now that I don't agree with... shouting yes its natural how do you expect the kids to hear from other end of the pitch.

Move on. Find something that builds your child confidence feather than dissolves it.