AIBU to take DC's football coach down a peg or two?

Yep! I’ve told them I’m never leaving them 🤣🤣

@TigerTraveller that sounds utterly bonkers. Coaches need to set out their philosophy in Aug Sept and allow parents to decide if it fits them,
Kids give up when fun stops

@YaMuvva your coach gets it

YANBU

Its barbaric and that age it should be about fun.

So many bloody coaches obsessed with finding the next Renaldo rather than giving kids a space and medium to have some fun.

Find a new team with better principles. My DCs team are 100% focussed on fun and they are brilliant with the kids, it’s such a happy atmosphere and the relaxed nature makes them actually really good players who aren’t terrified under pressure

DD now 13 and thank god gave up grassroots football last year. Far nicer atmosphere doing any other sport. Mine was good (and still is - excelling in school football) but had issues every bloody season. Parents making demands of coaches and screaming on the sideline. Coaches giving the DD of "difficult parents" whatever position they want for an easy life leading to less rotation with other kids. "Difficult parents" confronting coaches or telling their DD not to pass the ball as "it's yours" then the kid losing possession every single time as teammates call for the ball. Screaming coaches, DD apologising to referee aged 9 because of screaming as teenage ref from parents. Kids not being rotated fairly or given enough playing time. Kids aged 12 being called together by teenage ref for being rude to her. Team losing every match but still in same division to "make them play better" as they all lose confidence. It's bloody drama and stressful every single season. Don't bother complaining as what the coach or ref says goes. Get out of this team and find another. If another team doesn't work out then leave ASAP for another without finishing the season. If you can't find a decent team then find a better sport. Toxic, toxic!

Depressing that you've obv experienced that

www.thefa.com/-/media/cfa/staffordshirefa/files/news/staffs-fa-coaches-parents-booklet-d5.ashx?la=en

This is a useful guide of what to expect in foundation phase football.
PAGE 12 sets it out
Equal game time for equal chance to play & develop.
Rotate and learn all positions.
Let players u7-11 make own decisions in a game to learn.

ALL coaches should know this.
Re time commitment for coaches; bigger clubs have club secs to sort subs / pitch booking etc
Some have grounds where they book pitch but don't mark out or play centre based leagues.
Experienced coaches can knock up a session plan in their lunch break at work, others take longer.
It's anywhere between 3-23 hours a week!
All football coaches have guidelines they should follow

Footballs reputation is tarnished by small minority of idiots who think it's premier league and adults not young kids

@Truthtalker National Silent Sideline weekends are FA initiatives to showcase that kids can and should work out the game without coaches (& parents) yelling instructions at them. Highlighting good practice. Some leagues run them more regularly.

www.englandfootball.com/articles/2024/Feb/28/silent-support-weekend-2024-20242802

DS has been playing since U7, now coming to the end of U10.

One big thing I've noticed is that the coaches and parents need to be on the same page. If you have coaches who are pushy and the parents aren't, it won't work. If you have parents who are pushy and the coaches aren't, it won't work. Even if you have some parents who are pushy and some parents who aren't, it won't work.

For me kids football should be about having fun and the bond that group of kids will have. Of course everyone wants to win, but it shouldn't be the be all and end all.

My advice would be to find a team where your daughter is comfortable, you get on with the other parents, and the coach is looking to bring the kids on and let them have fun.

That is not true of all teams. My daughters U7’s team all get to play every single week and my eldest U12’s team every player gets a minimum of 40mins every week they are available.

the coach is giving up their own time and can run the team how they want
But they can't that's the whole point. They have to follow the rules and code of conduct set out by their national governing body, not to mention the law.
Multiple other coaches on here seem to be of the opinion that this man is not doing the former, and from the OP's description of how he shared her family's personal information it sounds like he is in breach of the latter too.
Being a volunteer does not give you carte blanche to run things however you like and there is no shortage of evidence of the harm that can be done to young people when volunteers think they can do just that.

I would agree with you, this is good advice.

Just change teams, the coach is giving up their own time and can run the team how they want, even if they’re a twat in how they do it. My DS changed from an awful coach to a different team and he’s now a best better player and more confident.

I dont understand. You’ve said you don’t like football as an activity for kids and then given examples all from gymnastics.

My experience of grassroots football has been very positive in terms of welfare. Don’t tar it with the gymnastics brush, which is notorious.

Imo grass roots football is a completely toxic environment! Kids progress based on who is the best players and whose parents fit in and get on well with the coaches! Basically if your face fits then its ok!

I can't believe all the people saying you are unreasonable.

Your daughter is 7! At this age (presumably still 5 a side) they should all be getting equal game time. How are they supposed to improve?

Sadly from experience if he's this bad now I would move your daughter, as he will only get worse. I would however make a complaint to the club's safeguarding officer, as he doesn't sound like the right sort of person to be coaching such young kids.

Hell yes this is completely unacceptable sharing that - I would go to club welfare officer. Being a volunteer doesn't mean you get to behave poorly and he should have had training. Some kids football teams can be utterly vile and some can be lovely, I would complain but find somewhere better

We had a similar situation about 10 years ago with our local football team. The head coach only wanted to play the best players didn’t give equal time on the pitch the kids were 6 years old. Told everyone that there were not enough coaches for the next season so only the best players would be allowed to play. This was said in front of the children. They blatantly lied saying that no one else wanted to join the coaching team despite one of the kids offering to help.

I complained to the FA about not following the ethos of grassroots football but they were useless didn’t even get an apology. It too several of the kids a few years to try team sports again. The dad who was turned down took his son to a different club despite him being picked to play for the original club and has been a super coach there and encouraged kids to play have fun.

we switched to rugby which has been much more friendly and inclusive.

I hope it gets sorted

Op.. volunteer yourself as you realise how awful it is..your dh caused a scene. Find another team for dd. Can understand why a unpaid volunteer wouldn't want a child of difficult parents.

If your child is unhappy playing this sport and "visibly shrinking" - why on earth are you putting her through this???

Your primary role is to teach your daughter the skills to cope.

There's nothing to suggest your child has a deep love of this sport?

Is the coach a bully? If so, remove your child, because a child cannot stand up to an adult bully.

Are you and the husband the problem? Why is your husband challenging the Ref? In public? Why are you so invested in who wins the match?

It just seems you and you're husband have fallen out with the Ref and feel aggrieved.

Just how does what and why benefit your daughter?

Do you have any legitimate grounds for the Ref to be sacked?

Very well said.

I'm a rowing coach and have in the past run both adult squads and junior squads and the latter are by some distance more challenging. Most of the parents are lovely and engage positively with the club. Then you get the small minority who think they know best because they watched some youtube vidoes, who are frequently late with collecting their kids so you cant go home, who think phoning you up at 9pm on a sunday is acceptable, who demand their son should be in the stroke seat, who fail to tell you their child will not be attending a session thus ballsing up your training plans, who submit petty complaints to the club or governing body because you dared said 'no' to an unreasonable request. Like most coaches I don't get paid, I have a day job and I spend a lot of time preparing plans, on admin and generally making sure things run smoothly. I don't expect thanks but it is very nice when people occasionally pull me to on side to just to say 'thanks'.

This. In spades. It is a HUGE time commitment, with little thanks.

My DH is a football coach for two different teams, and there has been occasions where he has wanted players to leave. This never has had anything to do with their ability and always to do with either their attitude/behaviour or their parents attitude/behaviour. Are you sure it isn’t something like this? Have to say my DH has never forced anyone to leave, but is happy when certain players have chosen to leave.

Equally if you are all innocent in the behaviour/attitude then this team probably isn’t the best place for your daughter and you would be better taking her to another team, where the ethos more suits yours. In the right environment your daughter will thrive, and maybe some of her friends will join her.

Why were you allowing another adult to shout at your 7 year old? Some of these deluded coaches seem to think they’re coaching Man City’s first team. It’s ridiculous.

As a junior rugby coach, please for your daughter’s sake find another team.
there are those that only care about winning - no matter what happens to the other members on the team.
but I know of many wonderful coaches both rugby and football who care about the development and enjoyment of their players. One of my mini rugby girls is now doing amazingly refereeing football and I couldn’t be prouder of her.
IMHO it is a coaches job to balance winning with player development…. ALL players. There is no I in team and one player cannot win a game.

I will also say that as a referee I asked parents to be quiet or to return to the clubhouse unless they wanted the whistle 😂