To be absolutely terrified of getting older

I'm twice your age. I never worried when I was as young as you are now. You still have way more life ahead of you than you have behind you. I now have way more of my life behind me than ahead of me. It's a chilling thought.

It's why you need to live your life to the fullest. Make every day count. I'm not that great at taking my own advice but I am hoping to partially retire soon and after a lifetime of studying/working, I will finally have some time that's mine.

I think you are very young to have thoughts like this, and think you should consider talking to a professional about how you are feeling.

I only ever had one grandparent. The others either had died before I was born, and one grandad when I was 5 so I don't remember him. Both parents died when I was 43. It's very sobering to realise that you are suddenly the older generation. I carried so much dread of my parents dying, but when it happens you have no choice but to carry on.

The saying, life's a bitch and then you die, is pretty apt.

I can totally relate OP. I have just turned 30, and I am absolutely terrified of death. I have actually just enquired about having (more) counselling to manage my panic attacks and anxiety. It’s sad because it’s making my world so small.

After losing all my grandparents I felt it a bit. The biggest hit for me was when my parents were both retired. It's hit me hard that they're in their final phase of live and having health issues. Time is suddenly going in very quickly and they're acting like they don't have many active years left. Going through this, having to help them a lot, whilst going through IVF to try and have my own children is quite challenging.

I've really started worrying since working with elderly people and constantly hearing them say to me " it's no fun getting old". Then again I do only see the ones that are struggling and not so much the ones who have a good quality of life. It does worry me hugely though.

Before I go into "fix it" mode, I get it and I understand! I dwell on stuff myself from time to time, not always constructively like my thoughts below might suggest! Its perfectly normal!!

Our brains are calculators, they're highly skilled in problem solving. Anxiety, generally, exists when there is a disconnect between thought and action because the way you're thinking about it means there is a "problem" and no action you can take to "solve" it. Or at least it seems that way.

When you're having those feelings, an option might be to thinking of true things you can say, or things you can do, for people you care about .. or maybe make try to make plans to enjoy the people you care about whilst they're still here.

On coping without partner, it could be either way around & maybe they need to talk about life without you too, so maybe the both of you can imagine worries and talk them over? Is there anything practical you can do to be prepared for such possibilities? Many people bury their heads in the sand, and don't get further than quietly worrying .. but doing absolutely nothing. Articulate those fears, talk them over, and if there is anything you can do to ease the worry ... focus on taking whatever actions are reasonably possible

I think when you're ill and alone and in bed it's easy to let negative thoughts spiral. Can you think of some fun, positive things you can do for when you're feeling better? Honestly, you will NEVER be as young as you are right now, make some plans, be bold, travel, do courses, experience life, decide that you won't look back on your life with regret.

I always go a bit like this if feeling particularly ill and stuck in bed. It does something to my mind.

And finally, in the words of The Specials, ' Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think'. RIP the great Terry Hall...I

💔🌷

I'm 59 and tbh I don't feel much older than when I was in my mid thirties. In some ways, life gets better as you get older, as you stop caring so much. I'm also aware that it's a privilege to get older, as so many pp dont. So many hugely successful popstars who literally had EVERY THING, like Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Prince and George Michael all died when they were younger than me.

However, I've also witnessed both my parent's decline which scares me a lot. My mum had a severe stroke when she was 77 which left her paralysed, unable to speak or swallow food. She spent the next 4 years of her life lying in a bed, alive, but with no control over anything. It was hugely distressing to witness and a relief when she finally passed awsy.

with my dad, it was a slow decline into dementia and blindness. I cared for him towards the end of his life, which was v hard.

So, for me, I do feel scared about how I could end up. It's the lack of dignity and control that worries me. How do you come to terms with this? I don't know, I wish there was a magic answer, but sadly there isnt, it just a fact of life that eventually we all decline and die.

Sorry, not trying to be depressing, just giving my experience. I think all you can do is enjoy your life, be grateful for what you have, look after your health and value the people who matter to you. What else can you do? And don't put off doing the things you really want to do.

If your 30 with grandparents still alive your very lucky, mine were long gone, one before I was born.

Loosing parents is the circle of life. Without sounding cold I’d rather loose a parent than a child. I’m saying that as someone who has lost a parent. I was far luckier than some, I was 42. One of my cousins was 6yo when my uncle died. I also know other children who have lost parents. My DDs school is currently fundraising for a school mum who died of natural causes last year, she was in her 30s with 2 young children. In the 8 Years my children have been going to the school I know of 4 young parents who have died.

Twelve weeks before I lost my DF I had my youngest child. I’m 49 now and far far too young to think about old age, I’ve got 6 more years of primary school drop and pick ups then many more years of teenage dramas ahead of me!

Death and Tax’s are the only things in life we can count on.

30 is nothing, I didn’t start my family until I was 36yo, at 30 I was living my best life single and travelling.

I know it’s easier said than done, but stop thinking so morbidly!

I'm in my 50s and honestly life just gets better and better. I've got more life experience, confidence, money and I am in good shape physically. Don't knock it till you've tried it.

I’m sorry you feel this way and can relate. The only thing that keeps me sane is that a primary school class mate of mine never reached 30 years old.

She left behind a husband and two very young children when she was 27.

Since I read of her passing in my local newspaper I am now grateful for every birthday of mine and all those I care about.

Will however be moving to Switzerland or any other country that assists passage to the next realm if I reach 80, can’t be bothered with all the things that go wrong in my genetics pool after that age.

Never fear growing old. It's a privilege denied to many.

I’m 34 and terrified as well. My grandparents hardly had any natural teeth left by the time they were 60, and were generally in poor health with arthritis, diabetes, poor mobility, pretty much confined to their house which they could not run without help. My parents are doing much better - actively working, going abroad, enjoying hobbies. But nowhere near the likes of say Tom Cruise. I hope to be the “Tom Cruise” then - currently working out 5 times a week, eating healthy, sunscreen/skincare, 15k steps a day, flossing, yearly dental checkups. I realize it is neuroticism and it is impossible to outwit the time, but I definitely want to be as fit and independent as possible, for as long as possible.

I am wondering if this is a form of anxiety, rather than just being about aging? I think it is not very usual to feel like this at your age, and maybe you could see your GP and have a chat about it? I have anxiety, mostly focused on work, I have a family member with health anxiety, so I think anxiety can focus on different things. There are things that can help though.

I don't think it's really normal to be this worried, though I suffered from a lot of this existential angst in my early 30s too. Life seemed to be rushing past and I felt out of control. Now I'm in my 50s and much more sanguine.

I think it's worth finding a way to work through these feelings - via therapy or via other means - personal or spiritual development, journalling or meditation, volunteering (to put things in perspective), a new activity (to bring energy and joy).

Incredible as it now may seem, you will deal with all the loss and grief that life throws at you. You are stronger than you know. Somehow we put one foot in front of the other and keep on going, and life is renewed and brings new riches even after very difficult times.

Wait until you're 40 and have been to a bunch of funerals. Better off not thinking about it, just make the most of now. Losing parent/s is life changing but you could be thinking about it for a short time or your whole life, it's not worth it. Give yourself time to think about it then move on. It's not unusual to think about but dwelling on it won't help you.

Yeah I can imagine kids
clild even exacerbate the worry for some people, since you’re now worrying about being around long enough for them.

It's the natural order of things OP. I do understand however, as when I was your age I was similarly terrified of death. Absolutely terrified to the point of being preoccupied with it. I think because one of my parents died very young (36) and I, and my siblings, had no support or counselling, death became a huge thing in my 7 Yr old mind.

Now I'm in my 60s and, to be honest, death doesn't bother me nearly so much. It seems to be the way as you age - you kind of accept it. In my 30s I knew a much older woman. She would often talk about her deceased husband. One day she was talking about him and saying she'd be with him soon enough, and I said "Are you frightened of dying Mary" and she said "No duck, not at all, I'll be with my Arthur again". That gave me great comfort.

My great sadness with the thought of dying is that my DC will have to deal with it too one day and I won't be be there to help and comfort then. That breaks my heart.

I used to worry similarly, OP, then a friend pointed out that the only alternative to getting older is being dead.

What an inappropriate thing to say, what is wrong with you.

I feel the opposite (fear of the future, of loss) AND I have kids. So it didn't change my mindset. I had this sadness when I turned 30 that it would be the decade I'd lose my grandparents and witness my parents start to become older people and the inevitable changes that brings. I'm so lucky to still have parents but I am very aware of mortality and how disability free life expectancy isn't that long into later life.

You're not being unreasonable to worry about those specific things, I think everyone does to an extent. But some of them might never happen and the rest is to an extent out of your control. I would try to look at it as fear being a good motivator - to invest in your health and have savings to go towards your pension or to really make the most of your marriage and being mindful that even though noone is happy all of the time, that the time you have together is there to be savoured. Doesn't mean you can't have hard or difficult times, but just stopping to smell the roses a little more. Turning 36 this year has made me really think about what I could be doing to take care of myself better and have more security in my life. Fear turned into action is a positive thing.

It's like that saying everyone gets to be young, but not everyone gets to be old.

I would also say that many people live with various losses every day, its something that floors you but then you gradually grow a life around that loss. There's lots of things we think we can't live with until we have no choice and then it comes down to survival and having no option but to forge a new way forward.

Feeling beside yourself with worry sounds like this is more than a fleeting worry for you though. Are you feeling more anxious or down than you usually would? Is this just down to struggling with being 30 (my favourite years so far have been my 30s) or is there another factor like a new medication or loss or stress? If it's not fleeting and you really can't think past it then that sounds like something that would be worth speaking to your gp or a counsellor about. It's normal to have the worries but it's something you should feel able to control or distract yourself from, you don't need to live with a constant sense of fear even if it's understandable and common.