To be absolutely terrified of getting older

A lovely post @KnitnNatterAuntie. I feel much the same and am enjoying life so much now that I have retired. I still have a casual (very casual) job, but I just go in, do the basics, and go home - no stress involved.

Take control by living a life now, and for the rest of your days, that will maximize your chance of a healthy old age. I really wish I had upped my fitness, strength and flexibility before going into middle age. It’s a LOT harder to build it up at this age. Progress is slower, injury easier, recovery slower. So build your fitness now.

Keep you brain healthy by keeping social, doing new things and learning throughout life.

Make sure you structure your life to give you time to do all this.

You are at an excellent age to build the habits and behaviours that will protect you so you have a good, healthy, active old age.

I wish I had known at 30 what I have just told you! Take advantage!

I'm pretty resigned about getting old. 52 & post-menopausal, damage has been done to my body despite HRT. I'm trying to keep fit & healthy.
Dementia seems pretty much on my horizon. Both parents & their siblings all got it in their early 70s-early 80s. They are the first in both families to get it & their parents lived independently into their late 80s & early 90s.

The physically healthy ones declined over 10 years, bodies too fit & healthy to die whilst their brains failed & they had a life of indignity that they would've hated.
As for the unhealthy ones? Well they were dead within 2 years of diagnosis due to other health issues so they still had most of their brains & dignity.

So it's a dilemma.
We have no idea why they all got dementia relatively early with no family history.
I'm considering genetic testing for the APOE4 gene. I have very mild brain damage due to health issues in my late 20s. It doesn't affect my life although my brain will be more vulnerable.
Dementia seems to be a matter of luck. Maybe it'll skip my generation.

I'm 54 and yes, have had this feeling on and off. I think the feeling is quite normal for a species intelligent enough to be aware of our own mortality, because its such a big thing to get your head round, and all the things you fear will to some extent inevitably happen, like death of loved ones, decline in capacity and so on.
Mostly we go through our lives with this in the background, enjoying the now, and not giving it too much thought unless there's a trigger - a milestone birthday, a death, birth of a new generation, retirement etc, and inevitably the next stage of life arrives. Generally transition happens gradually, as we dont go to bed 30 and wake up 80, so we become accustomed to the change, barely noticing it, and carry on. It's only if it becomes a preoccupation that doesn't pass and interferes with the present that it's a problem, so I think the trick is to accept it, then box away the thoughts. With help if necessary.

Best thing is to try and keep healthy, eat well with unprocessed food and exercise regularly, keep weight to within normal limits. Outside interests are good. Essentially make the most of what you have. We only get one chance at life and it is not a rehearsal. I am 68 if that’s relevant.

Anyone can get hit by bad luck, but my mum, MIL and FIL have been overweight and inactive their whole lives and it shows. They have a VERY different old age to my dad who has always been the opposite.

So all you can do is try to manage yourself into a group with statistically better outcomes.

As for losing my husband. Yes me too, I'm terrified by it.

My DH died aged 29. Ageing is an absolute privilege. Having the opportunity to create memories, experience life, love, friendship, see different things/places, experience love and loss. Be grateful always

Hiya, OP . . . I used to feel like you. I had lovely DP's and couldn't imagine life without them.

My DP's died when I was 50 . . . they were in their 80's and both had cancer. They died within days of each other after more than 60 very happy years of marriage.

Watching them deteriorate prepared me for what was to come and when they passed away it was obviously very sad but I was also relieved that they were no longer suffering.

Since they died we have experienced some really tough times as a family as we have had two tragedies. We have also had a lot of happiness with weddings, new babies and sharing happy times together.

I have some lovely friends who have helped me so much and I have tried my best to help them when they have gone through difficulties bereavements too. Somehow we find the strength to cope with things that earlier in our lives seemed unimaginably daunting.

I am now retired and can honestly say that I've never been happier than I am now. Yes, I desperately miss the family members and friends I've lost but I spend quality time with my remaining family and friends, and do the things that make me happy. I no longer have to deal with the toxic things that used to happen in my workplace - I never realised how badly that was affecting me until after I left.

I know that tougher times are ahead, I am likely to deteriorate health wise and be unable to do the things that I really enjoy at the moment but this pushes me on to make the most of each day.

Life is a series of 'seasons' . . . each one brings it's joys, worries and grief. I think we need to make the most of the happy bits and help each other through the hard times

Please don't spend your time worrying about the future, enjoy what you have now

Wishing you all the best

Sometimes I think: millions of people before me have faced this, millions of people after me will. If they can, I can - there must be a way.

As someone who finds death stalking her family more and more I think it's important to be able to say 'not today'. It is enough that death has not come to call today.

I feel similar about losing my parents but do suffer with anxiety and have been having counselling for other stress/ anxiety related issues.
I’d definitely suggest counselling if you’re in a position to get some as it really helps to talk to someone about your feelings with no personal connection to them. I’ve also self referred to the local services available which offer psychological support and I’ve been to a couple of sessions that help with managing the overwhelming anxiety.
Someone once said to me that they’d been dreading this day all their life, and it was the day their mother had died. I feel this 💔.
I hope you can seek support 💐.

This. My brother died aged 31. Growing old is a privilege. That's genuinely how I see it now.

As you mature this is quite natural. You gather depth. Life becomes more meaningful, you understand suffering, loss much more acutely. This sounds like a normal development to me. You are losing the absolute confidence of youth, moving into a stage of understanding life in a different way. It’s a positive.

I'm 57. I'm only concerned in that I'm my daughters safe person as she has panic disorder and I worry for her. I just try to keep myself healthy and actually I'm quite excited at the thought that in about 4 years I can partially retire and maybe only work two days a week. So I don't dwell on death.

I’m 45 and I’ve lost too many loved ones along the way. I see aging as a real privilege, I’m seeing an age that some of dearest never got to see. Embrace each year and be grateful, you get one chance at it.

I'm 70 and (cliché alert!) living my best life. However, I spent a lifetime preparing to be old. Not in a conscious, morbid kind of way, but by leading an active life, being interested in lots of things, nourishing relationships, keeping fit both physically and mentally.

Seeing that you seem quite overwhelmed by your fears, I would suggest you invest in some counseling for yourself.

This is a great post. I was dreading losing my own parents - I'm an only child and I spent a lot of time with them both. However, they have now gone and I'm just fine. We are indeed, mostly, stronger than we think, and just remember that people have been facing the same things since the beginning of time, and will continue to do so.

I sometimes, usually in the middle of the night, worry about getting actually old - especially after a fall yesterday and bruised ribs - but I would far rather get old than the alternative, and intend trying to make the most of the time I am blessed with.

You are so young, don't waste precious time worrying about something which is so far in the future.

Incidentally, my friend has an aunt who is 101 and still manages at home alone, with no health issues other than using a walking stick, and still goes out and enjoys life. If she had been worrying about old age at 30 that would have been a long time worrying!

I think your first attempt was worst than your second.

Bronchitis can be a scary condition to manage and I’m not surprised you’re questioning mortality. Does anyone smoke/vape around you?

Old age is not an issue for me however, infirmity is. If I had a switch I could flip when I felt the time was right I would be a much happier person.

I think that feeling lousy as you battle bronchitis has brought on these negative thoughts, I hope you recovering well and can be up and about shortly. 💐

At your age, I only had my Dad left so I suppose I’d already accepted that we all lose people and I’m not afraid of it, tbh. That doesn’t mean that I won’t grieve when my Dad goes and if DH dies before me, but I’ll accept it.

Losing a child would be completely different, I’d force myself to keep going for the sake of their sibling, but it would be very hard.

I'm 40 and lost my partner last year at the age of 35 then my parents had an accident and my Dad died on the scene but they bought him back and my Mum is poorly with copd , Dad having treatment for cancer and it makes me scared especially after losing my partner how I will cope losing my Mum who means more to me than most ppl.

It doesn't feel long ago since she was in her 30s rushing around town , them both in their 40s having 4/5 jobs between them and now my Dad can't leave the house unless he's in an ambulance.

Honestly there's no bigger reality check than watching the people you love deteriorate infront of you :(

It scares me.

Slightly different take on things, but here goes. I'm nearly 70. I was looking forward to my elder years, had things in place for a life of comfort and adventure in equal parts. Things went wrong, and I'm now living the life I actually feared - disabled by illness, living on the state pension in a small & boring town, no friends here and no social life.

I have discovered that it's not so bad. Not as great as what I wanted, but I think I'd assumed that being stuck in a little flat with no money meant a kind of living death. It is not! I'm still 'me' in spite of all the restrictions, my personality hasn't changed. I'm inventive enough to keep myself interested, am learning new skills, and I practically live on the internet so am far from disconnected with the wider world.

So ... there you go. Old age can be a wonderful time of life but, if it isn't, your experience of setbacks will depend on your attitude. I mean, some people can make an ordeal out of anything so the adventures & comforts would be wasted on them!

I'd definitely work on your attitude to life, @ThatPeachSnake, especially as fear of the unknown is interfering with your enjoyment of some of your youthful potentials. A bit of therapy now could radically enhance all the years remaining to you

I'm 55
Can't face another 15 years of working but equally worry about dying when my kids are still teens.

@ThatPeachSnake My parents are mid eighties and they do lots of things and fit and well - I would stop worrying for a while yet. If it is causing you a real problem then yes I suspect some therapy etc might be in order. No-one know when their time will be but by and large people who are healthy will go on for longer.Of course things can intervene but try not to worry.

You're probably feeling like this because you're so unwell. Easy to say, I know, but try to get some sleep now and things will seem better in the morning.

I'm 61, lost my best friend to cancer 5 years ago, plus another close friend 2 years ago, plus various close family members. Yes, it hurts like hell, but you get through it. I also worry about my dh dying - it's only natural to fear the loss of someone who means the world to you. But if/when it happens, both you and I will cope. It will be hell on earth but the pain of loss will gradually diminish. In the meantime, we must make the most of them while they're here!

If you're still feeling like this once you've recovered from your illness, please, please see your GP and ask for help.

Sleep well. We're all on your side! God bless. xx