To be absolutely terrified of getting older

No words of wisdom here but just to say I think about this all the time - I find it very hard to cope with and I lie awake at night panicking about these things

@ThatPeachSnake That doesn’t have to be “getting old.” But it is definitely what being ill can be like sometimes.

I’m quite ill and a lot of days are like that. It’s lonely. I have no energy. But no, old age does NOT have to be like that. Look at Blue Zones. They’re places where people routinely live, in good health, until over 100. Studies show all of them do some of the same things, and they’re things you can start doing at 30, and do for the rest of your life to guarantee a better outcome.

I know you have very specific fears. But the problem is that fear is a moving target. Once a fear happens, you don’t become less afraid, but usually MORE afraid. That’s why it’s so insidious and it taints everything.

I’m 40. Objectively, I’ve survived all the things you fear. The people who raised me, who understood me and always supported me, are dead of old age. I have no family. My husband left me because I was ill and married my mate from university. And sometime in the next few years, I’ll die. I could sit here every day and just sob, if I focused on it all. Instead… two years ago, I went on Tinder, made my profile photo me throwing up in hospital, said I was looking for men and women, and put in my profile in large letters that I was dying, no sex, and I needed friends in Edinburgh (I live in Geneva). Now I have a best friend. I spent last summer with him. Yes, I spent the whole thing on the couch or in bed, but it doesn’t matter - you have to keep living. The alternative sucks (unless you’re ready for it).

Right now, I’m JUST like you. Been sick for a month, and sick as a dog for a week and a half. And yes, illness makes me angry and cranky and grumpy, and I’m lonely. But it doesn’t make me fear death. It makes me desperate to live the (admittedly small) life I have left.

I hope you find a trigger that makes you feel the same.

I am 58. Recently I have been worried about not existing. It is inconceivable to me that I may die someday and the world carries on without me. How can that be? What on earth is life all about? Why do we fixate on minutiae, or worry about trivial stuff - we are all passing through.

Enjoy each day as it comes, spend time with your love ones as you never know what could happen tomorrow.

I lost my dad when I was 20 in 97 and my mum when I was 23 in 99, they were only 60 and 61. I also lost my 3 grandparents in 96,97 and 98. It was hard going for those 4 years.

I'm 48 this year and my husband just turned 51, it does sorry me we aren't that far away from the age my parents were when they died but there isn't anything I can do to stop death coming as it will for everyone, I just try to spend time with husband and kids as much as I can.

My Mum was 86 when she died. The last year she only had 1 friend left, all her other friends had died. She got more upset each time one died.

I'm not usually a fan of pushing things down, but this is something that until you feel very ready to deal with acceptance..... Just put it away.
You are 30, don't spend your life like this, enjoy the sun, the sky and all the beauty

^ This

I lost my DH after a lifetime together since our teens. It's devastating. Friends are dying, it's shit.

The only way to deal with getting old is to embrace it and be thankful you're still here. I love my friends and my family, and spending quality time with them is what I value.

I still care what I look like (old) and feel exactly like I did when I was younger. I make the best of my old face and body, and go out in the world like I haven't noticed I'm no longer young. I kid myself that if I act like I've still got it then it somehow makes it true. Although it might just be that I'm a crazy old bat, but I'm alive... and that's all that matters in the end, 'cos one day I won't be and it will all be over. I'm making the best of every second while I can.

Interesting as sometimes you can’t even get a reception on the train home going through a wooded area! Not trying to be flippant but I find this a juxtaposition to the AI talk.

i can’t imagine thinking this at 30, it is young and statistically the odds are in your favour.

A reassuring post.
I think sometimes people worry about being alone but the pressure sometimes comes from others thinking it's a terrible thing.

Also if they don’t manage to stop ageing, actually being very old looks no fun at all! I treat loads of old people. Being in your 70s looks great given good health. 80s not bad. 90s doesn’t look much fun. I’d love to live well until 90 and then Soylent Green.

I’m an only child and my beloved dad has terminal cancer. This resonates with me.
I’m reading Kathryn Mannix’ book with the end in mind. It’s helping.
Rembering life is always terminal is helping.
Talking to my parents about the loss of their own parents is helping.
My current motto is “Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof”. I am not religious but it’s helping me remember that today is all any of us have for sure so don’t waste too much of it worrying about tomorrow.

I was all ready to say YABU until you mentioned bronchitis - I had covid last year and although I wasn't out of breath at all, it gave me panic attacks. I had a horrible sense of my own mortality, which got worse when I turned 40.

I'm not lying awake thinking about it, but I am scared of death. My own, my parents - especially as my friends have started losing parents - and it's horrible.

I don't have any advice though really, I am quite pragmatic and try not to dwell, as it's not something I can do anything about.

YABU to be as worried as you say you are. Maybe a conversation with a therapist might help?

I dread old age. And I hate getting older. I hate everything about it. I hate losing my looks. I hate the way young, beautiful people look right through me. I hate the loss of hope and excitement and energy – the feeling that life is ahead of you. One of the awful things about life is that one day (and it can quite literally happen overnight) you realise you're not going anywhere anymore. That life isn't something that's about to begin. This is it. You're in it.

Still, you're only 30 OP. That means you probably have another 50 years to live. God knows what the world will look like 50 years from now. Assuming climate change and overpopulation don't wreck everything, we will make spectacular advances in the coming years. I had a spell of reading futurology books (where experts predict the technological advances we'll make). Some of the predictions are hair-raising. We'll almost certainly find ways to slow and even reverse ageing. In fact, bizarre as it sounds, it may be easier to reverse ageing than slow it! Serious people are doing serious work on this. Obviously these are crude first attempts, but we'll get better...and better. Within five years the first senolytic drugs will appear (to clear out senescent cells). This is no longer a fantasy. The mega rich have finally grasped that this may be a possibility and are pumping billions into research. Just browse the new science books in Waterstones. Almost every week a new book is published about the 'end of ageing'.

Then there will be other amazing advances. We may have Virtual Reality systems that are almost indistinguishable from the real thing. Imagine a VR world where you can touch and smell things. Medical nanobots will swarm through the body, killing cancer cells and repairing damage. And god knows what kind of drugs we'll invent. We may be able to radically boost mood, creativity, etc, in ways we can't even imagine.

Plus, of course, there is AI. Again, this could fuck everything up. But it could also usher in a golden age. We simply don't know. Artificial intelligence is just that – intelligence that isn't human. Imagine an intelligence 100 times greater than Stephen Hawking's working on a cure for breast cancer. It never gets bored, or tired, or ill. It never needs sleep. It never has a row with its partner. It just works on the problem 24/7.

Who knows OP, you might die aged 670 in a villa on Mars!! (But probably not lol)

Getting older is a privilege. Lots of people don't make it beyond childhood.

Dying of old age or at old age is the best you can hope for, for anyone. Because otherwise it's something much worse.

You don't need to worry about it until it's happening and then you'll find a way to cope even if it doesn't feel like it.

But don't waste your best years worrying about it, because it's a waste of them.

You're lucky you even have grandparents at 30, mine died before I was born.

Live your life for the people who can't.

Not everyone feels like this OP. Aging is inevitable and it’s better to be a friend to it than an enemy.

I am nearly 83 but I remember becoming really panic stricken about being 30. Strangely, 40 worried me less, hardly thought about 50, 60 and then the family made a thing about my seventieth. Which was nice. Then came the big 8 0!!!!!But hey ho! Lots of presents, celebration and guess what ? Still alive. You have a long way to go. Concentrate on being happy and looking after all those you care about. Try not to think about getting old. Every decade has its benefits - always get offered a seat on a bus or train. If I drop something someone picks it up!! I can paint or draw as long as I like. Can still enjoy a laugh and the years have given me more people to love.

It sounds like you need some mental health support, it’s not normal to be that worried about things you can’t control. You need to work on how to focus on each day, worrying about the future is pointless

I wish I was still 30 😆
Seriously though, you do need some help to deal with this. I thought it was going to be from someone in their 50s like me with health issues piling up like a jenga puzzle!
fwiw I lost both parents by 30, was married & pregnant and it’s been a decent couple of decades since manly dealing with DCs (which brings a lot more worry).

I have always had health anxiety in some form though - and regular anxiety - am finally starting some decent therapy (have had nhs cbt which was frankly rubbish).
Good luck & try not to let anxiety take over. Life is life, with losses too.

I’m 30 too, and the amount of times I got asked how I was feeling about turning thirty in the run up to my birthday was mad. I felt absolutely fine because the alternative to getting older is to be dead, so I know what I’d rather! I nearly died a year ago, from sepsis, and I think it put a lot of things into perspective for me. People are nearly always much, much stronger than they think and can deal with and cope with so very much, depending on what life throws at them.

bluejelly · Yesterday 23:20
I'm in my 50s and honestly life just gets better and better. I've got more life experience, confidence, money and I am in good shape physically. Don't knock it till you've tried it.”

Absolutely, this. 60 last week and the future beckons. 30-60, best years of my life so far, despite some setbacks.

It’s life. It’s a privilege to grow old. The media etc doesn’t give a positive image of older women. Enjoy your existence. Older women are paving the way for you to feel glorious as you age. Bad health can happen at any age so make the most of now.

I think everyone has a point where they begin to think like this. I have a large family so have had quite a few family members pass away. I have friends who have never lost anyone and are terrified at the thought. Honestly if life is good and without problems don't create them for yourself. Life will hit you in ways you dont expect and you will cope. I've always been a softy and cry easily but the last few years have been brutal and I've really toughened up.

Better than the alternative.

If something is out of my control, I never give it a second thought. It's way too time-consuming to do so!

I’m afraid of years of ill health more than I’m afraid of dying. The stats for healthy years in old age aren’t great. We can all watch our weights, take up hobbies and exercise but there is nothing I can do to stop arthritis. My mum in her late 70s had always been very active and a healthy weight. She now has arthritis and makes herself walk everyday but is in pain and really miserable. She’s lost my dad and her entire family (apart from DC and GC). Trying to stay positive for the GC but it’s not easy.