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AIBU?

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Original poster

Muslim families with pre-teen girls

119 replies

Laffydaffy · 08/05/2024 19:54

DD has a friend who is half European and half Syrian. Friend's mum converted to Islam before marriage. Initially, it was not obvious they were practicing Muslims. No talking about it, no hijab, liberal (alcohol in house), among other things, until recently. Recently, the pre-teen friend fasted with her family for Ramadan, mum has just started wearing a hijab in the last fortnight and dad has forbidden friend to visit anyone's house without mum accompanying for the whole visit.

My question is, if the family is becoming more devout, about which I have no problem with, how common is it for 11 year old girls to need constant supervision when not at home or at school?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 08/05/2024 20:56

DD's Muslim friends get to come to ours now the mums have established that we are careful with food Grin. I wish the one mum would come more because she's ace. One friend's dad is a little more circumspect as I think the older brother had a crush on DD and that was definitely not being encouraged.

It's DD's devout religious (she thinks Christian but DD says 'cult' I think specific sect) friend who is very discouraged from any hanging out outside school. Not allowed to cut hair, not allowed to be friends with boys and on and on.

Let's be honest there's a lot of controlling parents who use anything they can to exercise that control, including religion. Islam isn't special in that!

wizzywig · 08/05/2024 20:54

My parents insisted that we would never go anywhere by ourselves apart from when it was impossible to be accompanied, eg when I no longer had siblings to go to school with. It's incredibly suffocating

Starisar · 08/05/2024 20:53

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faceoff2000 · 08/05/2024 20:52

Has she been allowed to visit until recently? Do you have a son of a similar age? Maybe she's started puberty and that's a cut off for being chaperoned?

SallyWD · 08/05/2024 20:52

We know lots of Muslim girls and they're all allowed to come to our house. They've had sleepovers here several times. I have a DH and a DS so there are males in the house.

Starisar · 08/05/2024 20:50

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TakeMe2Insanity · 08/05/2024 20:50

Laffydaffy · 08/05/2024 20:47

Yes, DH and DS are at home but she has not been allowed to visit us. Or anybody.

The mum explains it as dad being over-protective.

Re: safe-guarding - I am not that concerned. At least, not yet. I am conscious that the parents are pro-palastinian and have tried to involve me recently in some conversations about Israel that I refuse to engage in.

Seriously, being pro Palestinian is now issue! WTH.

Report yourself to prevent with that attitude.

Original poster
Laffydaffy · 08/05/2024 20:49

Being pro-palastinian is not meant to be considered a safe-guarding issue for me. I am sorry for writing it in that paragraph like that! What I meant was, some thing just made me a little uneasy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Laffydaffy · 08/05/2024 20:47

Yes, DH and DS are at home but she has not been allowed to visit us. Or anybody.

The mum explains it as dad being over-protective.

Re: safe-guarding - I am not that concerned. At least, not yet. I am conscious that the parents are pro-palastinian and have tried to involve me recently in some conversations about Israel that I refuse to engage in.

OP posts:
Firecarrier · 08/05/2024 20:46

I thought you were going to say when young Muslim girls have to wear trousers/leggings under their dresses and head scarves. Always seems insidious - they're innocent children - who would be looking at them....

TakeMe2Insanity · 08/05/2024 20:45

It’s their family and their choice. I am muslim and I’ve not known families who’ve done that. The only families I’ve heard to have done things like stopping their kids visiting others have done so out of a knee jerk reaction to something they’ve heard about eg Bob’s 13 year old did drugs, I’m not going to let my kids out of my sight and they’ll be fine.

Singleandproud · 08/05/2024 20:40

If you are concerned then report to school safeguarding officer. It may be something or it may be nothing but they are in a better position to see the whole picture and as it is a sudden change it is something I would flag up.

Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 08/05/2024 20:39

It's misogyny. There is little that you can do about that other than hope your daughter and her friend can maintain their friendship.

coldcallerbaiter · 08/05/2024 20:37

Have you got males in the house when she visits? Like dh or brothers?

Original poster
Laffydaffy · 08/05/2024 20:33

I think that with this being a somewhat sudden change for the family, I am a little concerned whether everything is OK or whether my concern comes from my personal ignorance. Thanks for any advice and suggestions.

And yes, the restriction for the friend is from the father, not the mother.

OP posts:
Original poster
Laffydaffy · 08/05/2024 20:30

What kind of reasons would there be for a child of this age being needed to be accompanied? Would it have anything to do with us being practicing Christians? We have not spoken about this with the parents, but the girls may have.

For some more context, DD is very welcome to spend time at their place but the friend is not allowed to go anywhere without her mother. Friend is also confident, not shy, and socially ept, so I cannot imagining this being a reason.

OP posts:
GimmeGin · 08/05/2024 20:29

Springchickenonion · 08/05/2024 20:24

Personal choice...

Probably the dad’s personal choice rather than his dd’s.

Springchickenonion · 08/05/2024 20:24

Personal choice...

Starisar · 08/05/2024 20:22

I don’t think this has anything to do with religion or being devout. I am a Muslim and know many Muslims who do not have this rule.

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