Muslim families with pre-teen girls

One of my granddaughters friends is Turkish and she from the age of 11 hasn't been able to visit my daughters house as my grandson had turned 10. Before that she was allowed to have play dates which were resiplicated.
Has never been able to have a sleepover or granddaughter stay over at her house.
I'll be honest I don't know what religion the family are. As they drink alcohol, no one wears a head covering.
Perhaps it's just an over protected father.

It sounds like borderline child abuse to me. Why should dad's personal belief stop his daughter from living a normal life?

“Their” prophet? You do know that Adam, Abraham, Jesus, Noah, Moses and more are also “their” prophets? This is also a lie not fact trotted out by Islamophobes.

Its bearing btw.

Hopefully there will be someone else better qualified to discuss this than me, as this is from the little I've picked up working with refugee families - its possible the need/want for her to be chaperoned is more related to her being Syrian, rather than Muslim per se? Is it Dad who is Syrian?
From what I picked up from the families I've known it was common for girls to be chaperoned from around the time of puberty. I don't think it was considered safe for teenage girls or women to be out on their own in many parts of Syria. I wonder whether that's become a cultural expectation for dad, or within his family, eg if they have family in Syria?

Exerting that kind of control over a child without justification based on individual child behavior would concern me. I would continue to allow visits in your home, but stop your child from visiting theirs.

No, this isn’t a Muslim thing. It’s a controlling parent thing.

Being pro-Palestine isn’t a red flag.

HTH.

@AboutYouTalk The sudden change in behaviour as school staff are used to doing for all manner of reasons.

It's a non-issue in a school to report such things, if it's nothing and doesn't add to a picture of other potentially abusive and/or isolating behaviours then great nothing will come of it and it will just be a concern on their safeguarding software that only the pastoral team can see. If the behaviour continues to change, her demeanor changes, large amounts of school missed, extended holidays abroad or anything else school staff are taught to look out for then it forms part of the wider picture.

Report what exactly?

Ask them to explain why the dad is insisting on this . It may be more cultural than religious. Only he can explain his reasons

i am Muslim. We have friends who are Kurdish, Iranian, Afghan, Pakistani. And I should assure you that this is misogyny pure and simple. Not Islam. As suspected if this is coming from him then this raises a tonne of red flags and I would let the school know. Is the mum able to speak with you freely?

It might be her age as a PP said. I lived in an area with a big Muslim population and Ramadan was far more widely observed than Lent (which I guess would be the closest Christian equivalent). It may be that now she’s old enough to join in. There is a big charity and community element to Ramadan too and it culminates with Eid - lots of food, family & friends and fireworks if my neighbours were anything to go by! Bit like Christmas as a comparable for scale and importance.

The chaperoning may also be down to age. I think the transition from girlhood to womanhood begins around the same time as puberty starts and some changes in behaviour might be expected.

No offence meant by comparing religions ❤️

Mumsnet have very high standards for how women and children should be treated. I don't see why religion should change that.

Have you considered maybe they aren't comfortable her being alone at your house for a reason... why jump straight to them having some sort of issue.

It might not be that either. But you are jumping to big conclusions. Liklihood is they just prefer this as their daughter is getting older and is becoming a young woman.

It doesn't take a genius to work out that a lot of people worry about their daughters. And the amount of threads I have seen about young girls and women being groomed by older men. Are you surprised that some people might have more worries about this than others.

If you are really worrying about it, just ask them? Or accept that's how it is or don't invite them.

You are concerned enough that you made a thread.

It takes a single email titled "FAO: DSL" for you to write your concerns over a sudden change of behaviour.

It is probably nothing but you are not in the position to determine that yourself, school and their partner agencies are. If I heard a child at school talking about this as teaching staff that is exactly what I would do, about any child regardless of religion, to go from visiting friends independently to being chaperoned is a big shift in behaviour. I wouldn't be judging the child or family, I would be passing the information on for others better qualified and experienced to make that decision. It is what the PREVENT policy is for.

It’s strange. If I were you and really wanted answers to my questions I’d post them in the Muslim section of this site instead of Aibu, where people will jump at any opportunity to be offended, or to highlight misogyny.

I had Muslim friends growing up and I remember things changing re rules from their family when they started having periods. Clothing etc rules change after first period I think. I’m hoping more informed mums who are Muslim can help you with this. I think this might be traditional and not necessarily a big change of view on their part. If she’s 11 this might make sense?

Controlling parent and not a Muslim thing