Muslim families with pre-teen girls

Separate things that suddenly started happening at once.
Regardless of the reasoning there are 0 instances of Islamophobia from OP.

I would talk to school safeguarding. Nothing to do with religion - this isn’t a Muslim principle it’s dads choice and it seems sinister.

@seedsandseeds I should imagine they are seperate things. Mum started wearing hijab because she wanted too.

No one said the girl had suffered from SA. However maybe uts something they are worried about. Op is the one who said they have had CSA. Yet can't understand why others might be cautious sending their kids to other people's houses

It's not hard to understand

I didn't miss any updates.

So the suspicion is that the daughter experiences SA and this has caused the father to tell the mother to wear a hijab and the daughter not allowed in OP's house but in other houses and the beginning of fasting for Ramadan? Makes sense.

My dad didn't let me go for sleepovers except to a very close friends house. We are not Muslim. He was just super worried about CSA. Perhaps he was rather over anxious but I don't judge him for that given the level of CSA. I guess he would have been reported in 2024.

I am rather pro-Palestine myself after 6 months of slaughter. Many non-Muslims are.

Considering OP does exactly the same thing she has posted about, yet in her case she’s a parent worried about CSA whereas in the friend’s case it must be something to do with the friend being a Muslim female, I beg to differ.

Islamophobic posts have ramped up on MN recently.

@seedsandseeds you missed ops update where she said she doesn't allow sleep overs due to a history of CSA. Yet she can't apprehend why others might also be shielding their kids.

Oh fgs OP hasn't displayed Islamophobia at all.

OP my dad would question if there were males in my friend's houses etc, this increased as I aged. It could be to do with periods beginning as pp said.

This.

My daughter is 10 - we are not Muslim.
we are atheists.
I will not let daughter go to anyone’s house unsupervised who I didn’t know very well and as in your comments you said “ don’t want to talk to someone for 3 hours who I don’t know well “ well I wouldn’t want to leave my child with someone that I didn’t know well enough to want a chat with.
she does go unsupervised to 2 friends houses
who I have known for Multiple years and are friends with their parents, her best friend who’s mum is a close friend of mine now and I know super well is actually Muslim and her Daughter would not be allowed to go somewhere like your suggesting but she is allowed to mine but again they have known me 9 years and we have spent a lot of time with one another.

When I see whats occurring in Palestine, to children, babies, even prem little babies, I struggle to think that anyone could not spare the sentence, "yes, it's heartbreaking", because it truly is.

If someone couldn't show that smallest amount of empathy to the 1000s of children dead, without families, without homes who have zero access to medical services or even food, I'd be reluctant to have my dc near them. It's cold and odd to refuse to acknowledge what Muslims are feeling right now.

Not a Muslim, not a person of faith myself but if white, chubby, little, curly, dark haired women in their 30s were being targeted, our children murdered and lives destroyed and someone tall, blonde and slim couldn't say, "Oh yes, terrible what's happening to you curlytots, I'm really disgusted by this", instead of being able to give one sentence that they're upset that people in the demographic I am in, are at risk, are dying etc, I'd not want to break a friendship up for my dc, but feel reluctant that someone who blatantly had no empathy for what's happening to people like myself, to be alone with them.

Shite analogy, I appreciate that, but you don't have to be pro anything to acknowledge that Muslims right now are watching war crimes be committed against their people, their babies.
Instead of refusing to acknowledge that you've made yourself seem hostile to every worried Muslim.

where is the evidence that this is anything to do with religion at all?

It's pure misogyny masquerading as religion

You’re concerned that the father is being too over-protective than he should?
Why is that a reason to be concerned?
I think reporting the family is a ludicrous
idea. If you see them as “friends” then I would be having a proper conversation with the parents or child, but to report them ??? Wow….
Why are you so eager to have the child alone at your place anyway? …..

And they brought up Palestine and that made you uncomfortable? Why? Does talking about Ukraine make you feel uncomfortable? Why? A war is a war.

It doesn’t seem like you like the idea of them becoming more practising as you preferred them when they were more secular. I wonder if it was not for the relationship your daughters have, if
you would have anything to do with them at all.

Also, my neice was abused when she was 9 years old by a close family friend who happened to be a devout catholic.
My brother in law refused to let her go to anyones house after that unless it was with someone because he didn’t like her missing out but couldn’t bare the thought of anything happening again.
As she grows he will have to take a step back, but as she’s still young he will continue to do it - and I wholeheartedly agree with him.

👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

Well said!

oh wow. so you have valid reasons to not allow your daughter to sleep over but can't understand why someone might have their own equally valid reasons? must be because they be Muslim/brown/arab

perhaps it's because of you or someone like you? maybe the dad sensed your or someone elses islamophobic attitude and wanted to protect his daughter?

I certainly don't want any of the children in my family to be subject to the level of islamophobia that is out there (as demonstrated by the vitriol in a plethora of mumsnet threads and also our experiences in society). I would not want them to set foot in a house where everything they do will be seen through a certain lens. oh no little abdul sneezed! or is that a bomb? perhaps it's a shariah law sneeze? or is he allergic to equal rights?! someone call prevent!

honestly this is getting ridiculous. every day a new islamophobic thread

my parents didn't allow me (or my brothers) to go anywhere because we were expected to study ALL the time. we are religous Muslims but that was definitely not the reason.

my generation are especially aware of CSA and a lot of my friends/cousins do not allow their children of any age or gender unaccompanied anywhere, including homes of extended family members due to risk of CSA. again nothing to do with religion except islamic belief places firm responsibility of care on parents so negligence is a grave sin (as it is I imagine in most religions)

I know lots of Asian parents who did/do this for various reasons. none of it has to do anything with religion.

Did her friend visit alone prior to this? It could be any number of reasons, such as the reason you’ve given yourself for your DD not being allowed to attend sleepovers. It could just be a totally unrelated reason which many parents have no matter what their religion. The girl fasting is likely due to her age and puberty as others have pointed out. There’s also nothing wrong with her mum wearing a scarf. I really don’t see why you’re concerned about anything you’ve mentioned in your op.

Kindly @Laffydaffy your say your dd isn't allowed sleep overs because of history of CSA. So why are you surprised that others might want to chaperone their children for possibly similar reasons.. CSA doesn't just happen at night.

I'm sorry your family has been through that. But surely you must understand then, why some parents are more protective of their kids?

@Laffydaffy

I am muslim (not strict) and married into strict muslim family and have lots of muslim friends from different ethnicity. It is quite normal for 11 year olds not being allowed to go sleepovers and friends' house alone. Events like birthday parties etc. The extent of restriction does depend on how well they know the friend, trust in their own daughter, the family, area etc. I do not want to get into whether it is right or wrong or fair or unfair etc - there are plenty of atheists, christians and other faiths who do not allow 11 year olds unchaperoned visits etc….but to answer if it is typical…yeah it is very typical in a muslim family if they are mildly practicing. As for the sudden devoutness - this does also happen…in fact often moms start wearing hijab to role model for their pre teens. I would not find what you have said alarming and would only feel there is safeguarding concerns if other signs are present. Being chaperoned at 11 and sudden devoutness are not really significant even if on the side of controlling…one might argue that 11 year olds are meant to be controlled in regards to where they can go and not go.

The OP apologised for the way she included Palestine in that paragraph. What's there to report? Can't adults have a mature conversation that involves the name of a country in a war?

I have Christian friends whose teens aren't allowed to go out without a family member chaperoning. Its not that unusual in many cultures, and sometimes when people are living somewhere that they are in a minority they'll become more protective/conservative as parents. It can be abusive, but isn't necessarily so - parents can be strict if they wish to be.

When my DD was in primary school 2009-2015, her Muslim female friends were not allowed to visit. This was about 7 girls out of the class, they all had the same rule, different parents. My daughter was allowed in their house, only if I stayed too. My son, five years younger, was friends with some of their brothers. The boys were free to visit.