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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think i shouldn’t have to pay for her therapy l!?

64 replies

Auntieterrible · 08/05/2024 18:15

Long story short!!
I separated from my husband last year. My sil (exh’s) sister had a dad and she has found our separation really hard to come to terms with (she is 10) none of friends parents are separated, so this has blown her mind I suppose with how relationships can change. She is now an anxious mess about the possibility of her own parents separating. Dsil is at the end of her thether and is worried. She blames me (because I left the marriage) and she has messaged me saying dn needs therapy of some sort and I should be paying as it’s all my fault! I gave my own dc to look after, I have money for their therapy as and when they need it (not needed as of yet) Aibu to think DN’s struggle of not my responsibility? Please go easy.

OP posts:
nadine90 · 08/05/2024 18:44

Staying together for the kids is one thing. Staying together for someone else’s kids is another! SIL is being extremely dramatic, which I suspect is now affecting her daughter’s mental health. Sounds like they could all do with some therapy, just not on your money! Xx

Haydenn · 08/05/2024 18:43

You’re allowed to leave a relationship that you are not happy with. Look after yourself. Let your ex look after himself and his family.

Jeschara · 08/05/2024 18:41

No way should you pay, it is the parents responsibility. Did she just say it in anger and not really mean it.
Also your marriage is none of her business. She should keep out of it and look to help her daughter not to be so sensitive.

Danioyellow · 08/05/2024 18:41

The woman sounds absolutely batty. I agree with suggesting your niece sounds like she needs therapy for apparently needing therapy for her uncles divorce. Or suggest parenting classes to sil as she’s clearly gone wrong somewhere

Ohnodontwantthiscrush · 08/05/2024 18:39

If anyone needs therapy it's your SIL... What a ridiculous request.

Tyiue · 08/05/2024 18:38

Mumofteenandtween · 08/05/2024 18:18

That is actually so ridiculous that it is actually funny!

Google “narcissistic”.

This. I didn't even know someone could be this entitled.

SpringKitten · 08/05/2024 18:37

Crikey imagine what will happen when she finds out Santa isn’t real!

This poor child is possibly the most sheltered kid in the Uk. I suspect she has a “mum problem” - my own kids didn’t bat an eyelid when I explained their aunt had left my db (she shagged the next door neighbour, emptied £200k out of my db’s joint accounts, and ran off!).

Just block your exDSIL and don’t reply

Mothership4two · 08/05/2024 18:36

That is unbelievable. She is talking twaddle

Fifi878 · 08/05/2024 18:34

Sounds like SIL is just trying to find a way to make you feel guilty and blame you for somethings that’s not your fault because she doesn’t know how to deal with it herself

Itiswhysofew · 08/05/2024 18:34

That's very unreasonable of SIL. Maybe her DD needs therapy regardless, and she's just trying to convince you it's your fault, in the hope that you'll pay for it.

DisforDarkChocolate · 08/05/2024 18:33

I feel sorry for the girl, how has she been bought up to be so upset by something like this?

Not your responsibility though.

Original poster
Auntieterrible · 08/05/2024 18:32

@Cerialkiller I don’t think he’s been badmouthing me but I think just outwardly upset 😢

OP posts:
Cerialkiller · 08/05/2024 18:31

Ah ignore me then. He shouldn't be bad mouthing you though, I hope he hasn't been doing that In front of your niece.

Original poster
Auntieterrible · 08/05/2024 18:30

@Rookangaroo4 she is quite sensitive and an only child so i suppose there is that

OP posts:
Rookangaroo4 · 08/05/2024 18:29

Jesus she needs therapy because her uncle has separated from his wife? If she’s reacted that badly there is was something very wrong before. It’s not a usual reaction!

Original poster
Auntieterrible · 08/05/2024 18:29

@Cerialkiller i fell out of love 😔

OP posts:
Missgemini · 08/05/2024 18:29

Perhaps you could pay for you SIL as well, and consider paying for any other family members that might also be struggling during this difficult time…

Cerialkiller · 08/05/2024 18:29

Children generally don't have crisies over something like this unless they already have delicate mental health or it's been built up into a huge thing by ex's family rather then a gentle 'uncle and aunty won't be living together anymore but you will still see your cousins lots' etc. is SIL and ex's family prone to dramatics?

Pipecleanerrevival · 08/05/2024 18:25

Insane entitlement. Do not respond!

Cerialkiller · 08/05/2024 18:25

Presumably there's an argument to be made that it's your ex's fault really unless you left him because you just fell out of love or cheated or whatever. Based on his and his families behaviour leads me to believe that they aren't the easiest family to live with though.

Best answer is to disengage/ignore though as tempting as it is to laugh and point.

Original poster
Auntieterrible · 08/05/2024 18:24

Well I’m so glad everyone agrees!! I was feeling awfully guilty to be honest

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 08/05/2024 18:24

Surely she's not being serious? Just a comment one makes - I doubt she actually thinks you should.

Willmafrockfit · 08/05/2024 18:23

she is a chancer
pass it on to your ex agree

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 08/05/2024 18:23

I’d just reply ‘Haha, good one’ and block her number.

Cantbebotheredwithausername · 08/05/2024 18:23

Obviously not your fault OR your responsibility. I would not even dignify that nonsense with a response.

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