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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want DHs toys all over the fkn living room?

256 replies

BeepBeepYh · 08/05/2024 16:51

DH is a geek. He collects figures, lego, character statues etc.

When we had a smaller house his stuff was all over the living room. Shelves of them, cabinets, on the mantle piece etc... It caused a fair few arguments.

We've moved to a new house and there's a small room upstairs that's currently got boxes in that haven't been unpacked /sorted that we agreed would be his room for his collection.

He can put shelves up, lights, a cabinet. Anything he wants as long as the door shuts.

It's been close to a year and he's not sorted the room out.

His collection is all still in boxes in that room and the loft.

Only since we moved he started a new collection. A certain series of figures and he's been buying them.

He must have bought 30 of them.

My livingroom sideboard has been filled with the empty boxes (he won't bin them) and the shelves I put up in an alcove has been taken over by the figures.

My kids are all teens now and I was really looking forwards to having a 'grown up' living room.

I said to him yesterday that he needs to move all the toys and set up his room.

He says that I have things on the shelves so why can't he? My things are picture frames, dried flowers, ornaments and candles.

It's hardly the same is it?

It's not like I'm saying he can't collect them. I don't give a shit. I'm just asking that he sorts the room upstairs out so he can put them all on display there!

He said that it's not fair that I've got the living room and bedroom for my stuff (I've got absolutely nothing on display, I just want a NORMAL living room and bedroom that doesn't look like ToysRUs. It's not like I collect things and have all my stuff everywhere. I just want a minimal bedroom after decades of toy clutter) and he has to just have the office room.

I said most blokes would love have a whole mini room to have their own space and the living room or bedroom isn't the place for his collection.

AIBU?

Imagibe 30 x 6" marvel figurines stood on your living room shelf??

OP posts:
TammyJones · 08/05/2024 20:45

Anotherparkingthread · 08/05/2024 17:21

Your husband is a hoarder. Of course he can't see he has an issue. You need to set firm boundaries or your house will end up filled with shit. Just because it's not rubbish doesn't mean it's not hoarding. What will it look like if these collections grow at the same rate for 10 or 20 more years? Don't let him take over the entire house you have been fair giving him an entire space to keep his shit.

Humm
Could be.
I mean if he loves them so much why are they all still in boxes?
This would be an absolute deal break for me.

Goldbar · 08/05/2024 20:41

Also if the ornaments, candles, flowers don't give you joy - chuck them out! It doesn't matter that he gave them to you.

Goldbar · 08/05/2024 20:39

If he keeps stuff in the living-room, I'd tell him the small room upstairs is yours and everything in it is going out.

Polishedshoesalways · 08/05/2024 20:33

My blood pressure would explode. Wth. My peep would also shrivel up along with my sex drive faced with childish tat everywhere. How do you actually cope? I am in awe at your self restraint. I would have got the bin bags out years ago.

Maneandfeathers · 08/05/2024 20:27

I let DH have a couple of his awful looking things or pictures out but even they annoy me. No way could I live like that OP!

pinkyredrose · 08/05/2024 20:22

BeepBeepYh · 08/05/2024 17:06

There's a dried bouquet he got me for valentines. Pics of our kids. 3 ornaments the kids got me for birthdays/mothers day and a couple of plants.

He's got 30 colourful figures or marvel/hulk/iron-man etc...

And that just from the last 12 months.

He's got dozens of boxes upstairs.

If he put it all out you wouldn't be able to see a single surface.

Also I clean these rooms. He doesn't.

Is he going to take each one down and dust it every week?

Omg even looking at those toys would give me palpitations let alone them being in my eyeline when I'm trying to relax.

Wtf is he collecting them, he's not 8!

Dontbeme · 08/05/2024 20:21

You need a friend with a really grabby, snotty child. Invite them into Shite r us your living room and let them at the collectibles, he won't be long about sorting his stuff into his collectibles room.

Polishedshoesalways · 08/05/2024 20:19

Theothername · 08/05/2024 19:00

Would helping him get his room sorted out be a compromise?

I offered dh help to research and order furniture for his junk hole room, and we spent a weekend working together on the assembly (ikea).

There’s something about actual physical shelf space that focuses clutter decisions. So if you can find a way to fast forward to that point, it’s worth it.

He is not five years old for fucks sake!!

Polishedshoesalways · 08/05/2024 20:17

I just could not tolerate this!

No way in hell would I as a grown woman sit night after night in a crèche.

Pack up his collection and move it to
the spare room. No ifs, no buts.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/05/2024 20:15

Anotherparkingthread · 08/05/2024 17:21

Your husband is a hoarder. Of course he can't see he has an issue. You need to set firm boundaries or your house will end up filled with shit. Just because it's not rubbish doesn't mean it's not hoarding. What will it look like if these collections grow at the same rate for 10 or 20 more years? Don't let him take over the entire house you have been fair giving him an entire space to keep his shit.

This. Not unpacking or removing his existing things, ad acquiring more, is bordering on hoarding disorder.

I'd be saying he needs to sort the upstairs room before anything else comes in the house. That is reasonable.

LoobyDop · 08/05/2024 20:11

You need to reframe the situation. You don’t have a shared living room and a man-cave, you have a living room each. You each get to decorate and maintain your own room as you see fit, and you aren’t allowed to use the other person’s room unless you are their guest.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 08/05/2024 20:07

BeepBeepYh · 08/05/2024 17:54

Because he said those are my things.

He said why do I get 2 rooms. But they aren't full of MY stuff. They're full of our stuff. Family stuff. Communal stuff.

Not things I collect.

But he sees his collection as his and anything else is 'wife stuff' even though it's not, it's house stuff.

Non of it brings me joy. It's just decorating the house. Most of the stuff that would be classed as decorative (the ornaments, flowers, candles) He bought!

My question to this is why do you buy things for your home that don't bring you joy?

Find things that do and display those as decor, rather than generic.

FatFemale · 08/05/2024 20:06

If i came round to your house and saw all these figures on every shelf, id think your ten year old had taken over the house! I dont think i could put up with this (marvel, harry potter or disney shit etc) its odd. Id have to end it as it would do my head in 😆

TeaGinandFags · 08/05/2024 20:06

Could you divvy up the display space?

Then he can't deny how much crap he has. And he can be responsible for the dusting of at least his shelves.

If he no longer wants the spare room, grab it for yourself.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 08/05/2024 20:02

I don't like a lot of clutter and the communal areas are mainly art work and a couple of photos. But he's right, they are as much "things to display" as any ornaments. My DH loves a Lego set or a car and he does have some out. Not loads, but the ones that are special to him

Maybe rephrase it as "special family or couple memories" in the living room and you each have your "own" interest things elsewhere?

Anotherparkingthread · 08/05/2024 19:58

God this is cringey, I just imagine how cool and alternative he thinks he is. There's a specific type of person who is absolutely convinced that their oh so unique personality can only be expressed by right combination of 400 funko pops.

This is had such weird late stage capitalism energy.

godmum56 · 08/05/2024 19:52

Runnerduck34 · 08/05/2024 17:10

Boxes in the loft or garage.
He can keep his most special figures downstairs but I'd limit number so if you have 6 ornaments- he has 6 figures.
Then the rest in his hobby room.
I mean considering he's got a whole room dedicated to his hobby he is being unreasonable and taking up more than his fair share of space.

this

namechangedtemporarily123 · 08/05/2024 19:44

My ex was like this. Another woman's problem now. He must have spent thousands over the years. I now have a lovely clean, tidy house and just DP's guitar and manageable record collection in the lounge, which we both enjoy.

WannabeMathematician · 08/05/2024 19:44

If bin the boxes if they weren’t moved in a week.

Prettypennies · 08/05/2024 19:42

I would not be happy with all those toys cluttering up the living room. 1/2 fav toys wouldn’t be bad but that amount is just clutter. Can you offer to help put up shelves and pick out display units for the small room?

GalileoHumpkins · 08/05/2024 19:29

Honestly if anyone put my stuff in the bin they'd be sitting out next to it next collection day.

Caroparo52 · 08/05/2024 19:12

Wait a minute.... before we all dismiss your Toy Boy as juvenile.... might he actually knowingly or unknowingly be onto something big financially? Ist edition Bla de Bla Spider Something Still In Original Box... worth ££££ giving up the day job??

WhichEllie · 08/05/2024 19:08

Brefugee · 08/05/2024 18:59

meh - i hate dried flowers, candles and nick-nacks so I'd be telling you to put your stuff elsewhere, especially if you told me i couldn't have my things on display.

the grown up thing is to compromise - maybe he could have one or two in the living room, and rotate them (as for the boxes, they help the resale value in some cases)

He already has 28 plants and 16 pots in the living room from his other collection/hobby. That’s more than enough compromise on OP’s part.

irishmurdoch · 08/05/2024 19:05

BeepBeepYh · 08/05/2024 17:08

This is the sort of thing I'm talking about.

And please bear in mind I've had this for 20 YEARS.

20 YEARS I've had these all over my living room.

We've moved to a bigger house for more space and he's got a whole room for this stuff :(

I can honestly say that this would be a deal-breaker for me. Grounds for divorce! 😂

WalkingonWheels · 08/05/2024 19:05

I'm a massive nerd and I HATE collectibles. I don't see the point in them. They're not worth anything as a million other people have them. They're not aesthetically pleasing, they serve no purpose and they are terrible dust gatherers which are hard to clean. You can't see them properly when they're all bunched up together anyway.

Why don't you turn his room into a space for you, seeing as he isn't using it? Decorate it nicely and have a comfy chair, nice lighting etc and use it as a relaxing place where you can do what you like with the decor. If he isn't using the room for his crap, you may as well have it for yourself.