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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DHs toys all over the fkn living room?

256 replies

BeepBeepYh · 08/05/2024 16:51

DH is a geek. He collects figures, lego, character statues etc.

When we had a smaller house his stuff was all over the living room. Shelves of them, cabinets, on the mantle piece etc... It caused a fair few arguments.

We've moved to a new house and there's a small room upstairs that's currently got boxes in that haven't been unpacked /sorted that we agreed would be his room for his collection.

He can put shelves up, lights, a cabinet. Anything he wants as long as the door shuts.

It's been close to a year and he's not sorted the room out.

His collection is all still in boxes in that room and the loft.

Only since we moved he started a new collection. A certain series of figures and he's been buying them.

He must have bought 30 of them.

My livingroom sideboard has been filled with the empty boxes (he won't bin them) and the shelves I put up in an alcove has been taken over by the figures.

My kids are all teens now and I was really looking forwards to having a 'grown up' living room.

I said to him yesterday that he needs to move all the toys and set up his room.

He says that I have things on the shelves so why can't he? My things are picture frames, dried flowers, ornaments and candles.

It's hardly the same is it?

It's not like I'm saying he can't collect them. I don't give a shit. I'm just asking that he sorts the room upstairs out so he can put them all on display there!

He said that it's not fair that I've got the living room and bedroom for my stuff (I've got absolutely nothing on display, I just want a NORMAL living room and bedroom that doesn't look like ToysRUs. It's not like I collect things and have all my stuff everywhere. I just want a minimal bedroom after decades of toy clutter) and he has to just have the office room.

I said most blokes would love have a whole mini room to have their own space and the living room or bedroom isn't the place for his collection.

AIBU?

Imagibe 30 x 6" marvel figurines stood on your living room shelf??

OP posts:
piscofrisco · 10/05/2024 06:35

My ex boyfriend had a similar hobby-painting little gnomes from world of war craft or some such. He also wanted to 'display' them in the lounge. I lived in a small but lovely 15th century house at the time. It actually gave me the massive ick. I'm an adult woman, I don't want to look at 50 garish gnomes on my mantel piece. Him (and they) had to go in the end. I don't regret it.
There's a big difference between a vase of flowers and a few family photos and an army of bloody goblins obviously.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 10/05/2024 05:56

My livingroom sideboard has been filled with the empty boxes (he won't bin them). At the very least Id be chucking the boxes in his display room or in the back of a garage/shed if you had one. Empty boxes in the living room is not reasonable at all.

Codlingmoths · 10/05/2024 05:34

LameBorzoi · 10/05/2024 05:32

I don't think that your candles are any more worthy than this figurines.

Perhaps a glass display cabinent that he can fill, and limits the dust issue?

His candles. He bought them. To cover the smell of their smelly dogs.

LameBorzoi · 10/05/2024 05:32

I don't think that your candles are any more worthy than this figurines.

Perhaps a glass display cabinent that he can fill, and limits the dust issue?

Voodoohoodoyoudo · 10/05/2024 05:27

How does he really feel about having his things shoved in a room out of sight OP?
It sounds to me like he might be resenting you a bit for forcing this decision onto him because let's face it, it must have been your idea to provide him the small room for his collections. I get that if he has boxes of the things, they need to be stored away but to deny him of having anything of his own in a shared space is completely unreasonable. He lives there too. Let him have a few things on display in your shared room.

Voodoohoodoyoudo · 10/05/2024 05:19

AlmostAJillSandwich · 08/05/2024 21:17

YABU to keep referring to them as toys. They are not toys, you play with toys. They are display collectibles, and in essence are no different to picture frames, candles, and other types of decorative ornaments. They are also not just for kids or people under a certain age, you are infantilising your husband and his hobby by how you keep referring to them, while thinking of yourself as "adult" and "grown up" by your decoration item choices.
My partner is a huge collector like your husband, of specific intricate lego sets you build once then display, funko pops, solid resin moulded figures, and a few action figure types. He also keeps all of the boxes, and certain limited edition releases never get unboxed, and even get special protective boxes to keep the original packaging pristine. It genuinely upsets and offends him whenever his mum comes round and berrates him for having them, or notices a new one, tells him to sell them etc. I wouldn't be surprised if you're hurting your husbands feelings too.
You're trying to restrict him and his personality to one hidden room nobody else would go in, how would you like that? He might equally dislike YOUR choices of candles, ornaments etc. You're a partnership in a jointly owned and lived in home, you have to compromise and allow both of you to have aspects of yourselves in shared rooms. He needs to find somewhere to store the boxes sure, but the figures themselves aren't unreasonable to display in the livingroom, as long as you BOTH get an equal ammount of space for your decorative choices.

All of this!

Polishedshoesalways · 10/05/2024 04:50

The issue as much as anything is your dhs total lack of consideration for you!
Why would anyone think it’s okay to spread their plastic tat across the communal areas where people need to relax and unwind and think thats okay?!

It’s selfish, indulgent behaviour. At best.

Toptops · 10/05/2024 04:32

I think a couple of figures in the lounge. Tops. Because otherwise they will breed. He's basically being lazy because the shelves are already there in the lounge but he hasn't arranged to put some up in the little room upstairs

pineapplesundae · 10/05/2024 02:10

I suggest have him select two or three tasteful toys to display in the communal space and the rest goes to his personal space. He shouldn’t take over the entire house.

PatofSilverBush · 10/05/2024 00:09

OP, you have my sympathies. This would seriously drive me insane; I can’t abide clutter of any sort, and figurine clutter seems particularly bad. Especially, in a communal space like the living room. I think that in your case that you and your DH, perhaps, need to have a Marie Kondo sort of decluttering of the living room. Take everything decorative out, and then you both bring back the same number of items that you can put out for decoration. You can both individually decide on, say, 5 items each; or both collectively decide on a certain number of decorative items that you both like.

OhcantthInkofaname · 09/05/2024 23:01

You know he's counting on you to set up that room.

VJBR · 09/05/2024 22:54

BeepBeepYh · 08/05/2024 18:22

I don't want my own place.

I just want him to use the room for his collection, as agreed before we moved here.

Why don't you just move it all up into his hobby room? Tough luck if he doesn't like it.

Ownedbykitties · 09/05/2024 22:42

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 08/05/2024 18:35

Could you put them in the spare room once he starts school? 👶

😂😂😂. This 👆

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 09/05/2024 22:33

He has a whole room! YANBU and yes, manchild.

CowboyJoanna · 09/05/2024 22:26

YANBU

You are living with a manchild. Nip it in the bud or he might start bringing home anime girl porn figures next Envy

Ownedbykitties · 09/05/2024 22:23

oh bloody hell OP. How have you tolerated this crap for 20 YEARS 🙄. This would give me the serious ick. Those toys wouldn't last five minutes in the sitting room or any other shared space in the house. Put them up in his play room with the rest of his shit. And bin the boxes too. I'm saying this as someone who doesn't much like trinkets and ornaments of any kind though. They just collect dust 😷

Edda09 · 09/05/2024 22:07

I’d take over the ‘hobby room’ and make that my sanctuary!

toxic44 · 09/05/2024 21:13

Count yourself lucky. DP's collections are knitting machines, sewing machines, typewriters, books and figurines. All vintage. No space or table is safe from invasion. I have drawn the line at the bedroom, the kitchen and the corridor. I think it stems from childhood insecurity. It's kind of, 'I collect therefore I am.'

OldPerson · 09/05/2024 21:02

I remember with joy the 2007 floods when so much of my husband's collectables were destroyed.

But - your living room is a neutral multi-functional living and entertainment space. His hobby does not represent you as a couple or you all as a family. It's just him and it's niche.

It's a bit like you going through the menopause and you putting up posters in the living room, because obviously what you're going through is important to you. But it doesn't really represent you as couple, or you as a family.

Your husband does need input into the living room. If he finds your choice of nick nacks annoying, you need to agree how the living room with be decorated.

But otherwise he has a spare room just to himself (not the case with the bedroom or living room) where he can take people. Just move his incoming stuff to his room, boxes and all.

azlazee1 · 09/05/2024 20:57

How about a compromise. He can have some of his collectibles on display, his favorites perhaps, on a shelf or 2 in the living room. Having his own room is not the same as they will not be seen by him or anyone else. You want to see your favorite things, so does he. Hopefully he will be willing to limit the number in the living room to tastefully satisfy you both.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 09/05/2024 20:34

Bjorkdidit · 08/05/2024 17:09

^He says that I have things on the shelves so why can't he? My things are picture frames, dried flowers, ornaments and candles.

It's hardly the same is it^

It really is. A Marvel figure is just as much as an ornament as the things you like to display. I don't particularly like Marvel, but can see that there's no objective difference between the things he likes and the things you like.

An ornament is for aesthetic purposes though, hence the term ornamental.

A Hulk figure is NOT ornamental. We’ll l don’t think it is. It’s ugly and plastic. Happy to be proved wrong!

StarbucksQueen1 · 09/05/2024 20:27

No fucking way would I put up with that but no offence I wouldn’t be attracted to someone who collected that stuff! My 5 year old would!

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 09/05/2024 20:22

AppleKatie · 08/05/2024 17:24

I would say fair enough equal numbers then- I have 3 candles, 1 bouquet and 2 ornaments so you can have 6 figures. I dust mine weekly so you do yours and if either get dirty they get relegated upstairs.

👆🏻this!

My HP collection is in our downstairs loo and my craft collection is in the study. They do not venture into other parts of the house unless I need build space and then they are moved to one or the other when complete.

These things are fun, but they are not aesthetic!!!

my husband also has stuff in the study for his golfing, that does not come into the communal spaces either!

Hobby items are not the same as decorative pieces that enhance a space and family photographs.

lucindasspunkyfunkyvoice · 09/05/2024 19:52

LTB

pollymere · 09/05/2024 19:24

If you have ornaments, he should have a limited number of figurines in there too.

I ended up buying the shelving for my son. The boxes are stored in IKEA kallax storage boxes as part of the shelving unit...

I do however have a Miku on my dressing table so I'm probably not the best person to ask!