Men should do the chasing

I suppose you would have to be there.
“Example, first date with a guy, all went well, at the end, you give him a chaste kiss on the lips but he pushes for more, and you have to wriggle away.”
the original post sounds like you initiate a kiss and he interprets this as willingness to proceed further. ‘Wriggle away’ doesn’t to me imply he’s forcing himself on you.

That's not what the original post said.

Not if I'm consenting. If he's pushing and I have to "wriggle free" as you put in your post, then he does not respect my boundaries and yes that is a deal breaker.

At this point you haven’t said no. The questions are whether to say no and how.

Every time a guy tries to second base from first, it’s a dealbreaker?

It absolutely would be a deal breaker for me if he couldn't respect me saying no. No grey area I'm afraid.

I do not condone sexual assaut, I was talking if the guy pushes A LITTLE, gets handsy (which they all do), a no but not a dealbreaker

My Parisian perspective seems to have baffled a few 😆

It doesn’t guarantee but it avoids some men who wouldn’t be bothered to arrange a second/third date etc otherwise. I wish it wasn’t the case and I went into online dating expecting to just behave as 2 normal 50/50 individuals but after experiencing a few situations where I was strung along for sex/company etc when the man wasn’t sure, I just did a bit of reducing stepping forward for self preservation sake. It’s also worth mentioning that the decent interested men would have been so even if I’d resolutely done 50/50 contact/ arranging dates etc so it’s literally just weeding out (some) bad ones not identifying good ones.

Its not a great concept is it? Far too much association of predator and prey for my liking. By sheer definition you can only chase someone who's moving away from you and the last message I'd want men to recieve is that they should pursue a woman who doesn't indicate that its welcome.
I think women who brag about being chased see it as a sign of their high value, when in truth it's more often about the character of the man doing the chasing. All the men I've known to chase have been very self focused and entitled, putting what they want front and centre, resistant to being told no, and the type to value winning the game more than the prize.

You might have to do this to maintain self respect, I certainly don't. I'm secure enough in myself that I don't need to play games.

@Beezknees

"The Rules" is such a load of tosh. If you're not busy, why would you not accept a date for Saturday night on a Wednesday? It's just pretending to be something you're not.

Because some people aren't busy.
And when you really like someone he's hard not to accept crumbs.
So you have to do this to maintain self respect.
It doesn't always come as easy to everyone and you can get walked all over if you're not careful.

Why does it have to be like that? What do you mean self respect?

If someone texted me on Friday night and asked if I wanted to go out on Saturday, I'd say yes if I had no plans. I think if they were after a "booty call" it would be obvious.

🙄

Presumably you would prefer if a man
approached you and said

"I like you, let's have sex, we can skip all the small talk and dates, we would have sex eventually anyway"

lol
Well I call this self respect
Who wants to be someone's last resort
Women don't want booty calls
(Friday call at 11, after the pub and they've failed to pull so ring fall back girl)

@Verucasalt123

Absolutely agree with the last two points, but what if he likes you and is genuinely happy that you asked him for a second date?
Everyone on here seems to be assuming that if a woman asks a man out, he'll only say yes if he's no other options.
*++

Well if he likes you then good, BUT the point is you won't know for sure.
If he likes you he WILL ask YOU for a second date.
This in itself doesn't guarantee a successful relationship, but you are off to a good start.

If a woman gives off I’m not interested vibes I will assume she is not interested.
Or are you saying when women say and act not interested I should ignore that and keep trying The more she tells me to go away blocks phone number, gets a restraining order the keener she must be.
Its like a stalkers charter.

If given the option, I would much sooner be the chooser/ chaser.

I think the idea that the man should chase is a very bad one. It’s just another way of saying the man gets to choose. Men get to choose a partner they like the look of and chase her down. The woman doesn’t get to choose - she has to wait to see who chases after her and go for one of them.

Don’t worry about all this men have to do the chasing rubbish.
I would take it as the woman is not interested and frankly I’m not playing silly buggers at my age double guessing if she’s playing hard to get.
Your basic intuition is right, if you like someone show them you like them!
I mean it’s really not that hard.
Then just go from there.
Remember the golden rule with men, keep it simple!
They are not mind readers and most are really crap at picking up subtle or even fairly obvious signs.
I think you have the right attitude and do t be confused by all these secret magical tactics to weed out the wrong un’s.

My reaction exactly. Are we in the 1950s?

"The Rules" is such a load of tosh. If you're not busy, why would you not accept a date for Saturday night on a Wednesday? It's just pretending to be something you're not.

Why would you WANT a man to call you if he doesn't respect your boundaries and you had to wriggle away from him??? That's sexual assault territory. What a bizarre post.

Don't go out for coffee, coffee implies friendships.

I've had a few rubbish coffee things that didn't go anywhere though sadly.

It can be disheartening, so many rubbish men out there. Pay it no mind, you will find a diamond one day.

Ok. Fair enough.

Stop with the ‘sadly’ though. It’s not sad to have quickly realised that a man wasn’t interested in you back. Onwards and upwards!

You say you don’t want to be the prey but you’re not half playing the victim. Just accept they don’t like you in the same
way and move on to the next. It’s not that deep, and these men aren’t trying to lay some elaborate groundwork. They weren’t keen. End of.