To feel panic to owe this much on my mortgage?

You haven’t been insensitive. By the logic of ‘you’re not allowed to complain if other people are worse off than you’ then only one person can ever complain about anything. It’s ridiculous that you are getting flack for this post; it’s entirely understandable to be anxious when you are newly single with a child to look after. I’d take the advice of other posters and focus on the repayments. It’s a great idea to overpay when you can too. It sounds like you’re doing great OP.

YABU - at this rate, you are on track to paying off in 11-12 years!

If you can mange the repayments each month without leaving yourself short I'd suggest carry on with the current mortgage. If you can downsize comfortably saving on the monthly payments then do that to save yourself the stress. either way it's what you can afford & still live comfortably. Having a mortgage will always be the most debt you'll ever have so whatever you choose going forward you'll always have that 'big' debt hanging over you.

Just to echo what others have said, I also recommend getting good critical illness cover (if you go with a company like Lifesearch they do the hard work for you and find the best cover, you could prob get this for less than £50 a month, plus I’m sure you have end of life cover to pay off your mortgage). In the event that my partner or I am ill and can’t work (and the illness is one of 40 or so on a list) we get a big payout to cover bills / private treatment / adaptating the house / care etc, whatever is needed. Sounds extreme but a one wage family (SAHM) so it’s our biggest fear given big mortgage and bills, and savings would only last so long. We do also get sickness pay with his work but takes a while to kick in and that would still be needed to cover the basics, wouldn’t cover anything extra that I just described. We also have income protection so if one of us passed we get a guaranteed income until the children are adults

@ErinBell01
I agree that insurance (life and critical illness etc.) is a good idea particularly as a single parent. I also have health insurance including for children. The worst case for me is that I’m unable to work or too ill to look after children for a long period (or die!). I have a lot of insurance, quite high amount in easy access savings and a huge mortgage (as big as I can get over max years). I personally think this gives more financial security than minimising mortgage debt though it’s a personal decision as to what you’re comfortable with.

You overpay by 500 a month, 6000 a year? Sure 220k seems like a lot compared with that. Although your regular mortgage payment will be paying down the principal too. Actually if you can not only afford the regular payment but afford to overpay, I don’t know what you are worrying about. What matters is not the total amount of debt but the ratio of income to outgoings, and your ability to service the debt. And you seem to be in a pretty good place.
You say the house hasn’t risen much in value? But if you downsized you would limit your capital gain even more.
if you are thinking of downsizing does this mean the house is a bit on the big side for your needs? In that position I would get a lodger before I downsized. The extra cash would be some reassurance too.

Some people are being really nasty. Of course you are worried. You have the sole responsibility now to keep a roof over your child’s head and food on the table for the foreseeable. If you get sick there is no safety net. Who knows what the housing market and interest rates are doing when you come to remortgage or if have to sell up. People can be so nasty.

I’m a few years older than you with a similar mortgage. 3 kids. I get it, but ultimately I have a nice house (albeit a bit small) and the lady next door pays twice the amount of my mortgage in rent for an identical property. It’s an investment which you can live in and it is increasing in value even if it’s too slow in your mind.

You’re in a great position and it’s great that you can pay down additional money on the mortgage. Just stick with it, one foot in front of the other and you will get there. You’re doing great mama!

At least you have some savings because you have to make sure that if you either lost your job, or were too ill to work, you are still able to pay the mortgage. You should perhaps consider Mortgage Protection Insurance which can kick in when your salary stops or reduces if you are ill or injured, or if you become unemployed.

It really depends on the house value so the LTV and your salary.

A £220k mortgage at a 6% rate on a £230k house with a £30k salary is very different to a £220k mortgage at a 2% rate on a £500k house with a £75k salary.

If the mortgage repayments are manageable then do not worry, you are paying down an asset. Many people rent for more than you are paying, at least you have an end date.

Don't downsize. The repayments are comfortable enough for you to overpay 500 a month. The equity should provide you with some comfort.
(For context - 43, 600k mortgage - 600k equity)

Many people owe much more. If you have an affordable roof over your head, that's the priority. Not some number on a bit of paper.

Sorry if that sounds glib, it's meant to be reassuring

If as you say you can manage the monthly repayments and over pay by £500 then no don't down size you have good equity of £280,000. It may not have gone up much in the last 2 years but there are many many factors driving that that will change in time.
If your mortgage for example is 25years on a 4.5% interest are making regular over payments of £500 per month you'll clear your mortgage 10yrs 5mths early saving £66,700 in interest. That's a fab position to be in.
Our mortgage is currently £350,000 on £750,000 I'm mid 40 DH 50 and I'm desperate to make overpayment to reduce and fingers crossed I'm in that luxury now.
Don't worry I know it seem insurmountable but that's just because the number is large but it is always a mid to long term gain.

Don’t downsize, stay in the largest property you can afford. I really regret being too cautious and have never been happy in my house but also know if I’d spent only £50k more 11 years ago I’d be sitting in a much better property with significantly more equity than I have now.
That equity will increase and you are already significantly in credit, you can downsize if you need to but you are still relatively young and should aim to pay as much as you can on a more expensive property definitely.

Sorry OP, I realise I’m sounding a bit rude. Separations are really hard and anxiety runs high - you absolutely have my sympathy. But it sounds like you’re in a very good financial and housing situation.

Very unlikely to be 8% in the UK, but even if it was… How do you think that £15K compares with someone who has been renting and no doubt paying more per month (and obviously not even building up any equity, unlike OP)?

I also own a property but count myself very lucky for this and definitely don’t view rising house prices as a good thing.

I think you're in a state of heightened anxiety following your separation and having a lot more responsibility heaped on your shoulders.

If you can afford the mortgage repayments - keep making them. Downsizing is a last resort for people whose finances have spiralled out of control. You can always sell your biggest financial asset at any time - but not just because you're having a panic attack at the numbers - which actually look good for you.

The average house price is £282,000 - so your mortgage is a lot lower than most people's mortgage debts.

You've got another 30 years of working ahead of you.

The mortgage is the biggest financial commitment for all of us. It takes the biggest chunk of our monthly income. But the bigger the home, the more it increases in value, proportionally.

Simplistic scenario for illustration purposes.
Property prices increase by 10% in a year.
You own a £110k property. It's now worth £121,000.
You own a £220k property. It's now worth £242,000.

The "financial asset" value of the larger property has increased significantly more.

You’ve “only” made 15k by doing absolutely nothing in 2 years?

She’s been working her socks off the pay the mortgage, you know the loans that prop up the banks. Paying tax etc.

generally it’s 8% a year.

£15K is nothing in normal times for house price increases.

Not UK but ours has gone up about £60K in the same time period.

Not unreasonable to worry if you are having financial difficulties. If you can afford to pay your mortgage then it's a good savings plan to pay off interest and as much capital as you can. Historically, property values have always increased over time so your house will appreciate and give you security later in life, when you might choose to downsize. If you are struggling with money it would be sensible to think of moving to a lower value property now and ease your budget. You have choices so you are in a good position.

thats life. We’re all in the same
boat. Ill be paying my mortgage back until 70 as it stands

You’ve “only” made 15k by doing absolutely nothing in 2 years? 🧐

hi op,
any separation is hard and to suddenly become the sole one in charge is very scary. Be gentle with yourself. Deep breath and one step at a time. If you start struggling with anxiety (that is lasting and growing/remaining) you will need to find a therapist.

sending a hug. You are doing great honestly.

Look I was in the same place and overpaid as it meant if anything went wrong I had a safety net. You will be fine. It just feels so heavy when you are the only person bearing the burden and these concerns are normal.
I was awake for a few weeks post the upheaval of a separation and the reality of the debt.
But I am the other side of it now ! Keep over paying if rates drop, maintain the same payment.

I'm a single parent in my 30s aaannd I'm literally still renting a 2 bedroom flat with no garden.

On the one hand £220,000 is a lot of money buuttt you have plenty of working years ahead of you and you're comfortable enough to pay an extra £6,000 a year?! I think you're doing fine OP

You are being unreaonable.

You are under 40, you have over 50% equity, you are overpaying by a significant amount and you made £15k growth in two years.

I think this is a check your privilege situation I'm afraid. If you are really stressed I would investigate an underlying emotional cause as your situation is good on paper.

See where you are at 50, review the situation then. You can downsize at any time.

Hi. Am out the other end. As you would say been there done it. Etc etc. it’s scary. But manageable ..you’re strong and can cope. That says it all. Your doing a great job sit still as things could take a wrong turn if you move etc at least you no what’s in front of you there. …And all the best. Life will get better. Just when your not expecting it too .xx