I can't move on from this situation with SIL AIBU

Why are you ignoring that they also cut out OP's dc?

YANBU, she made her bed, now she can lie in it.

She had no trouble inviting her brother to stay with her when you were separated, so she should have no trouble inviting him now you are together again.

It's not your job to be their social secretary.

I like my ex BIL. I offered my Dsis a home when they broke up. Because she is my Dsis and I wanted to make sure she was safe and OK during the break up. Yes it was a soft landing for her, she couldn't have moved out otherwise. That doesn't mean I didn't like my ex BIL, it just means I prioritised my Dsis as ultimately she's the one I am related to.
I don't initiate contact with ex BIL but I am perfectly friendly on the odd occasion we do meet. He's not my sibling, he's the father of my nephew. I don't have particular reasons to be in touch. If they ever got back together though, then of course I'd include him in our family bbqs and other family events going forward.
I think you are being unreasonable here. She shouldn't have played it out on SM but at the time she was there for her bro and that was perfectly understandable.

I get the impression that there is a lot of misplaced anger being directed at your SIL and PIL here. Have you and DH actually moved past the separation properly or are you still hanging onto a lot of bitterness and resentment about that?

You mention the kids being upset by the seperation and that your DH can't be arsed doing anything without you. So don't particularly paint him in a particularly positive light considering all is meant to be fine and dandy again.

I get the impression your SIL and PIL see your relationship for what it truly is and weren't willing to play emperor's new clothes with you when you got back together.

I think pp's don't get it.
My db broke up with his dw, she left him for another man.
Whilst I was there for him I never, ever passed comment on his dw's behaviour.
When they got back together I could not be cast as a bad guy.
My dsis was v. nasty about dsil which obviously caused problems afterwards.

Support your family by all means but never take sides because you don't know what caused the split. And if they get back together they'll both resent you.

Sil and I had no time for each other.. I would not have faked a happy holiday bbq to appease dh and ils either. Take the bbq as free time for you op. Send dh and the dc. Chill and be proud of yourself. Life is too short to spend it with cunts.

She showed as clear as day that she didn’t like you and wanted you to split

no she didn’t, give over.

What’s with such a spiteful vindictive attitude op. She supported her brother, it’s fine, what do you expect, her to talk him into staying with you? And to decide not to do anything for your in-laws out of spite and they did try is horrible.

its not their fault you seperated. Thats on the pair of you.

You split up and she supported her sibling. Grow up.

there is absolutely no reason you should not have a positive relationship with your husband’s family at this point. They accepted that your marriage recovered. You need to accept that they supported him during the split.

I’m not sure what you’re problem is really
it sounds like they have done nothing wrong
just dealt with supporting him as they saw fit
but different to your expectations. It doesn’t sound like they did anything horrible
and they are including you and making an effort now so I think you should try and put it behind you because what good would it do otherwise?

These replies!! JFC.

OP ignore the AIBU boot-stickers.

Yes of course people support their family. As you actually say in your OP wrt your PIL.

She showed as clear as day that she didn’t like you and wanted you to split.

Fine. Her choice. She can reap that now, as she was happy to sow it. She doesn’t have to like you, she made that plain, you don’t have to like her.

’No thanks, I’m not interested in a BBQ. Feel free to ask Your Bro if he wants to go, though.’

Following on from my post, I do think you're being unreasonable regarding the PIL though. They tried to encourage reconciliation but they still had to support their son. I don't think they need forgiveness as they did the right thing.
You'd be better off making amends with them.

Are you sure you’re happy being back with him? This level of resentment towards his family suggests you’re not in a good place and it’s disproportionate to feel this angry a few years down the line.

You don’t know what he was telling her or his parents and it’s normal they sided with him. Try to let it go. You don’t have to go to events with them. If he wants the kids to see them he can arrange it without you involved.

Honestly, I'd find it hard to get past this too. Unless there's a chat to clear the air, this will continue simmering in the background.
If you don't like her, don't go. Why do you need an excuse? Just tell them you're not comfortable around them and won't be meeting up.

What's her age got to do with it?

Ooo get ready for the onslaught of people telling you how awful YOU are 😁i can feel it in my waters.
I think the older you get, the less you feel the need to surround yourself with people who wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire and vice versa. I've stepped back from my in laws recently and let me tell you, it feels glorious. However, due to shit they've landed on my doorstep over the course of the years, i have no problem with being truthful. I'm learning that people really do not like to hear the truth but you know what, I do not care anymore.
So If I were you, just be honest. You are not going to the bbq because you don't want to.
Everyone has met someone like your SIL too, someone who loves the drama and especially loves posting about it on social media. You are still going to get a lot of posters replying YOU to be kinder and suck it up though sadly.

Well we don’t actually know the reason for the split do we 😬😬

So… you guys split up and she supported her brother? And you’re annoyed about that? If my sibling split up with their partner, I would also tell them they could stay in my home and have their kids stay in my home during their contact time etc. Why do think she was wrong to do that?

With regards to cutting contact with you, well that just happens during splits. It’s very hard for family on the other side to stay supportive to both of you. But not seeing the kids? That’s really on your husband. It was his responsibility to take the kids round to visit his parents and his sister during your split. If he didn’t bother then he is a pretty shitty dad.

You are angry with the wrong person. Your SIL supported her brother. He is the one who didn’t bother taking the kids round to visit and they couldn’t really come to yours to visit and play happy families with you there when you were in the process of splitting up.

When the chips are down, most people close ranks around their family member. I was left after STBX had an affair last year and my in-laws, with whom I had had a really close relationship for nearly a decade, dropped me like a stone overnight AND made it clear to members of their extended family with whom I was also close, that if they continued contact with me, they were "not part of the family". And this was after I was the one who was cheated on and left, not the other way round.

It is very hard but that's just how most people are. No point making a huge drama about it, especially since you're now "back in the fold".

I don’t blame her for supporting her brother but I wouldn’t be happy someone was posting about my personal woes on Facebook. That is weird. Some people are just a slave to social media and gratification from it- best to just rise above it.

I think I’d just go and be super happy and pleasant and just avoid the SiL as much as possible without being liable for being called out. If your relationship with your DH has moved on then maybe best everything does.

Op I completely get what you mean, I think pp’s are completely twisting what you’re trying to say. Of course it’s normal for her to support her brother, you never said it wasn’t. But those fb posts (to me) come across as passive aggressive as fuck. For anyone who knows what she’s referring to may take all the dramatic ‘OMG I am so there for my brother who needs SO MUCH support for this ABSOLUTELY TRAUMATIC event that he’s going though’, as some sort of indication that you’ve done something so fucking awful to him that he’s had to leave. Not that you grew apart and he chose to nob off to his mums for a bit.

You do seem bitter, you wanted his family to tell him to go back to you, how wonderful you are, how he is making a terrible mistake etc etc….and they didn’t: for whatever reason. Maybe they don’t actually think your amazing, maybe they thought your split was for the best, maybe they did like you but just wanted to stay out of the situation and fully support their son/brother so just went along with what he wanted? They didn’t do anything wrong really.

Your husband walking out must have been devastating. It doesn’t sound like you’re over it, but the issue is with your husband, not his sister.

Can't see what she's done wrong tbh

You sound difficult at best.

This is the best advice. You do not need to interact with your dh's family if you do not want to, don't stop him doing so and if he can't be bothered that's his problem to sort.

Keep your distance, stop looking at your SIL's social media just leave well alone don't go to any events you don't want to you, don't make excuses just hand the reins for these events to your husband to go if he wants and to take the children if he wants but make it clear to him that you will not be attending.

I'd 100% support my sibling.