To consider leaving DP?

Personally I don't think there's point in staying with him if you want marriage and kids and he doesn't. And anyway living together wouldn't work as he doesn't want to be part of your son's life. Treating him as 'my gf's kid' who lives in the same house with him is ending in disaster.

No, not at all. Her desire for marriage and kids will have to be fulfilled elsewhere.
I wouldn't respond well to an ultimatum, though, as an adult.
Nobody should.

So what’s your advice? That she ignore her own desire for marriage and children and just do what this guy wants?

Gah. "Commit to marriage".

If he can’t commit to marriage after 7 years then it’s best he run off. Good riddance.

It’s a really bad idea to buy a house with someone when they’ve not even lived with you and your existing child. You have no idea what sort of person he’ll be in that step-parent sort of role - it seems odd to me he won’t consider marriage or a baby but is happy to live with you and your son as a family - or is he? Have you discussed what sort of role he will play in your child’s life once you all live together? How does he see his role?

Dont like him dangling the idea he may want more commitment once you’ve committed your financial resources to getting on the property ladder with him. Doesn’t seem like he’s into the ‘family’ sort of thing - so why is he happy to move in with a child in the mix? Does he think he’ll just live his separate life? How might that work with housework and cooking and time out socialising and your parental commitments in addition to work?

Ultimatum?
I would run, if I was him. 😁

Reading it as an outsider the fact he is saying 'oh maybe once we buy as house i might change my mind' is a bit of a red flag, like he is trying to almost emotionally blackmail you. I would not buy a house with him, why should you sacrifice either? I started over at 28, best thing i ever did.

My brother was in a relationship for 12 years to someone who wasn't sure...she kept saying " maybe next year" to marriage and kids "eventually" .
He left at 40. Met and married someone else within 2 years and now has a beautiful daughter. He couldn't be happier.

split up. you want different things. and while I'm sure you are more than enough for your child, for them not to have a good stepparent/child bond will wear thin the longer it goes on. You come with a child already - you want a partner who wants to take part in that parenting.

I'd cut your losses and seek a new relationship with someone who wants the same things as you.

You both still live with your parents at 30, despite having been together for 7 years? I don't think this is going to work out. If it was, you'd have moved in together about 4 years ago. Clearly, neither is that keen. I know having a child already complicated things, and it's a perfectly good reason to not move in at all, but still, if you were that keen you would have found a way to make it work.

Yes, and it’s really hard to get someone to leave a property or to agree selling it.

So don’t get into this house buying malarkey out of a sense of thinking ‘we can just sell’.

Buy a property for yourself elsewhere, away from him.

It sounds like he's more interested in getting on the property ladder than in a relationship with you or having a child.

So he 100% doesn’t want marriage and kids now, but if you make an even bigger commitment to him than you already have, and make it a 1000x harder for you to leave him, then he MAY change his mind. What a load of bollocks. He won’t change his mind and he never will. I actually think he’s a complete prick for emotionally blackmailing you into doing what he wants on false promises

Simple. Do not buy a house with or even remain in a relationship with someone who doesn't want kids, if you have a child.

You sound fairly disinterested in him, and he you, so there's not much here to save other than the bother of trying to find someone who will add to your child's life in a positive way other than being a convenient co sign on a mortgage. Paddle your own canoe, go towards something more positive for both you and your DS.

Marriage thing I could live with - but no kids? That's a shame. I had my 3rd (and last) baby at 28 with my second husband.

Neither of us wanted any more children when we met, but it was right for us. So glad we did!

If you REALLY want another child then first thing, speak to your DP again about it.

If he doesn't want one, then I think you need to think about leaving him. OR,

If you don't want to leave your DP, maybe suggest, and I know this is very "out there", if he doesn't want to be a father, would you think of visiting a sperm bank?

Maybe you could have another baby, and he continue to just be "step-dad".

I can't think of a world in which the second idea would work.. but just a thought!! Very out there I know!

You’re literally with eachother for convenience and the fact that your kid wouldn’t be too fussed without him vs. your yearning for a family says to me he’s not fully integrated after all these years. Maybe he you or both of you have subconsciously kept a distance here.

I wouldn't stay for a maybe OP. I honestly think if he wanted to marry you and have children with you he would know after 7 years, the maybe is just to stop you leaving. You deserve the chance to meet someone who definitely wants those things with you.

I think this is a much bigger worry.

The sense I get is that if you’ve been together for 7 years, with living together always in the land of tomorrow, then one of you is quite happy with the way things are. I’m just not sure which one…

I’d take whatever I’ve saved up so far, and go buy somewhere alone. See what happens then.

What is your real desire here? You.have a DS but you want more kids? If it's kids then marriage is just practical but it cam be a quick registry office thing. Or do you want the big wedding experience and that's the real thing?
He may be put off by the big wedding rigmarole, I certainly know people who dislike the fuss and bother abojt wedding and have gone for registry office low key to just tie up the paperwork as it were.
If he doesn't want a child that's a bigger difference if you do want another. So that's IMHO the thing to focus on. What is driving that desire and if it's really all you want in life then leave him. Don't give him an ultimatum and don't gamble on his changing his mind

Ah the 7 year itch. Agree its time to split and start over in the new chapter with someone with the same goals.

Picture your life in 5 years. Could have a new man, marriage, house and baby or still with him, possibly with a child and house, still arguing over marriage while he treats you like a second class citizen for not bringing home the same money as him and being a buzzkill for expecting him to step up and be a dad to kids he didn't go into wholeheartedly, debating leaving but wondering about finances and what's best for the kids.

I'd also hazard a guess that your friends are young enough to see marriage as an idealistic expression of love that modern cool women don't need rather than the legal contract that it is which places any assets gained after it as part of the family estate for division in a divorce. Things like his increasing pension if you give up work or reduce your hours can be used to offset the amount you would need to pay to buy him out of a home if you split up.