To consider leaving DP?

Sadly you do... its scary but it will be OK....

At 26 my "whole world" wouldn't marry me and never wanted kids..... he ended up cheating on me and marrying the new woman.... I was devasted for about a year.... but I did some OLD.... tried some different types and at 29 met my now DH.... we were married within 18 months and now been together 10 years and have 2 lovely girls and a wonderful home.....

I feel like I started late but it was well worth the wait and the heartache to get here.

I always said if I hadn't met anyone by 33 then I would seek a donor as I desperately wanted a baby.

Trust your gut, you will be OK and things will pan out the way they are meant to.

For me, not being married wouldn’t bother me. A committed relationship is a committed relationship with or without the marriage license. However, if you really want another child & he doesn’t, that’s a deal breaker. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life - & you don’t want to live like that. Good luck - it’s a tricky decision :-)

‘Starting over at 30’
i had no children just failed relationships
i got with my DP at 29
i got my flat at 30
Pregnant at 31
Pregnant again at 34

30 is NOT old to start over if that’s what you want xx

This. If he really wanted you & this family life, he'd make it happen without doubts. Dithering just means he's enjoying the sex & company but doens't care much beyond that.

It’s always a little hard to stomach when strangers on here tell eachother to end a relationship but in this case it is kind of wonderful to see everyone unified in thinking that you deserve better 😊

Don't be scared of going it alone, you are doing great and being independent, confident and raising your standards will eventually attract the kind of person that will respect and appreciate you.

It won't go well.

Give yourself a point for earning more, being prepared to move and relocate your son, the work you've done on research, all the bending over backwards like telling yourself you'll be happy with a super low key wedding so you can tell him it's no big deal, nothing has to change... when actually you want a man who wants the whole package. Amd then knock off points fir his attitude to your son, his passiveness, the way he expects you to accept his unwillingness.

You can do so much better.

If you see it as a "sacrifice" then you're never going to be happy with that person.

I don't care about kids or marriage and neither does my partner. Neither of us would ever be with anyone who wanted either of those.

You make a decision together as a couple, you don't compromise (either way) on something that big.

I wouldn't be buying a house with someone I've never lived with and who is so ambivalent about his relationship with me and my DS. I think you're crazy to even consider it. You say you're both saving but are you 100% sure he is?

As for the marriage and children thing - you 100% have the right to want marriage and children and for those t be dealbreakers.

He 100% has the right NOT to want those things.

It just means you're incompatible.

The bigger issue for me is that it is not clear to me that this is a particularly serious or committed relationship. 7 years in, you don't live together (in fact you both live with your parents), he doesn't want to get married, he has little or no relationship with your DS. You very much are boyfriend/girlfriend in the way of relatively young people rather than partners on track for a longer term relationship. Assuming he's a similar age to you, it might just be that he's not ready to consider this as 30 is still young, especially for a man. But either way, I don't think you should be seeing this as "The One". It's probably better to rip off the plaster, accept you want different things, and go your separate ways.

We've got there, drusth.😉

How has he been an excellent partner so far? You haven't lived together or had to run a home together so you don't know what he is like on a day to day basis.

I would end the relationship as if you have been dating for seven years without moving in together and making that actually happen, then the relationship is already a bit stale anyway. You're still young, you don't have to settle for this.

So you and I agree on the approach, you just don’t want to call it an ultimatum.

There’s nothing wrong with ultimatums, as long as you mean them.

I agree that OP shouldn’t buy a house with this man, OP has realised this as the thread has moved on.

It is perfectly reasonable for you to separate from someone because you want
marriage and kids and they don’t. I wouldn’t waste time buying a house with someone and then hoping they changed their mind. Plenty of time to meet someone who wants the same things as you do.

Yes, of course.
I'm 45 and married for 20 years,
child free and when the time comes, I wouldn't
"buy a house" again with anyone. Not relevant.
In the OP's case, it would be a total waster and she'd be better off buying on her own and/or going for a kid alone.
Easier said than done.
Bloody grammar.

So he’s never ever planning on being a family with you. I can never get my head around why mums would even consider taking their children into a setup like that. You need to end it. He thinks you’re nice to hang around with and convenient to buy a house he can’t afford on his own but he actually doesn’t plan to put himself out for you or to engage genuinely with your life and your child. You’d always be a mum who also had a relationship, and your child would be living with a dad figure who didn’t dad, that must be harmful to their emotional development. Nope. You need to start afresh now.

Thread has moved on, OP has realised its not the best idea to marry this man.

Yeah that's not a good sign. It doesn't sound like he sees you as a unit and definitely not as a family. I can't imagine he'll handle your DSs teenage attitude very well.

So you’re in favour of OP saying she won’t buy a house with him if he doesn’t want to get married?

i don’t think it means he doesn’t love you. You can love someone and not want a child. Don’t issue ultimatums, he’s been clear on what he wants. Don’t try and force him to be a father when he’s not keen, it’s not fair on the child. If marriage and more children are important, then find someone who shares your views.

No.

Don't have a child by a resentful and reluctant sperm donor. It's terribly unfair to the human being who will have to live all its life with the fallout of that shitty situation.

Break up and find someone who enthusiastically wants kids. You have plenty of time.

.

If marriage is a deal breaker for you, then it's a deal breaker. Don't buy a house with him; you may regret it down the line.
You say you're 'terrified at starting over at 30'. I'm a lot older so I can say with absolute certainty that you have many years ahead of you. Have the conversation with him, and be prepared to walk away.

I wouldn't sacrifice my desire for a child for a partner unless the split would affect my current children significantly.

I think you should want an awful lot better for your son than this man is offering.

@RottenTomatoes959 Separate out what he said: girl and friend. Both are probably accurate but they don’t express depth of feeling for you or your DS. 30 isn’t old and I would start again. He’s clearly not very bothered and is mooching along with no commitment to you. After 7 years he’s not interested so he has to be out of your life now.