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AIBU?

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Original poster

Addicted to weed

35 replies

Dogmum47 · 08/05/2024 09:51

My partner is a heavy weed smoker. All day everyday. Can't leave the house without a joint or will be in a foul mood. He swings from hot and cold even while smoking the stuff (ie not in withdrawal). He's always smoked since I met him and somehow I never realised how big a problem it was until recent years. I have always hated the stuff and I'm so embarrassed by it, worried people can smell it off of me or think I smoke it. He always says he isn't addicted and it isn't a problem, he's just needs it to sleep. But I know he cannot stop and I think if I ever gave him an ultimatum he would pick the weed over me.

I think I feel I can't bring it up or ask for him to stop as I accepted that he did this when I got with him. I'm not sure if it is causing major issues in our relationship or not but I hate it now. He's also lazy and stays up til all hours but not sure if that's the weed habit or just him. AIBU to think there's no future here is there?

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 08/05/2024 10:27

Put yourself first and get rid of him.

Original poster
Dogmum47 · 08/05/2024 10:24

To those asking no kids involved. Wondering if that's why it has started to become such a big deal to me as I start to think about having kids as I'd never want them raised in that environment.

@MustDust also quite tight in terms of money but he does have a good enough job which has enabled us to buy a decent home together. He doesn't do much in terms of household either if I am fully honest.

OP posts:
EasternStandard · 08/05/2024 10:10

Yanbu I’d say there’s no future together there

SmallIslander · 08/05/2024 10:08

If he sees nothing wrong with his lifestyle and has no intention of stopping, then he can't offer you a fulfilling life and partnership. Do you have kids? Can you imagine having kids in a house full of weed? Doing all the work because you can't trust him to look after them? School wondering why they stink of cannabis. Then he will inevitably get chronic disease due to a lifetime of smoking and you will have to nurse him through that and lose him early and explain all that to your kids.

Maybe you leaving will give him the shock he needs to sort himself out.

MustDust · 08/05/2024 10:06

Kindly, what are you getting from this relationship? Does he contribute anything in terms of money, running the household? What's your position in terms of breaking it off, can you leave? Are there children? There are lots of people on here who can advise on how to leave whatever your situation.
Perhaps less kindly, I'm afraid you will also stink of weed if you live with a heavy smoker, and while you may have gone nose blind to it, everyone around you will know. Sorry.

BobbyBiscuits · 08/05/2024 10:05

If you really hate the smell and are embarrassed to be associated with it even by association, then the relationship is clearly not going to work. You could ask him to quit, but as you say he probably won't. It is possible to stop, it's not physically addictive. But if he smokes it with tobacco then he'll be addicted to that. I do smoke weed personally. I don't think anyone would want to be with me if they were very against it, so I totally understand your feelings.

Rumplestrumpet · 08/05/2024 10:04

Run for the hills. It's not gonna get any better

Tophelleborine · 08/05/2024 10:02

I smoked quite a lot of weed from age 17-22 and I honestly think it precipitated a decade or more of mental health problems. I want to weep now at the thought of all the time I wasted in an apathetic fog, not to mention the anxiety and paranoia that hamstrung my career development and relationships. I've never met anyone who genuinely functions well with a weed habit, however much they think it's all fine. My only advice is to get out now before he drags you down with him.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 08/05/2024 09:57

He sounds absolutely disgusting. Chuck him in the bin where he belongs and move onto a life that doesn’t stink forever!

InterestQ · 08/05/2024 09:56

Cut your losses - it will only frustrate you more. I had a boyfriend a long time who gradually upped his intake to this level. He defended it constantly “it’s better for you than alcohol” and saying it did no harm at all, that you couldn’t overdose on it, it helped him sleep, it wasn’t hurting anyone, it didn’t affect him. it wasn’t the really strong stuff, it was lovely mellow cuddly weed etc etc.

He’d get up at lunchtime, not go to bed til 4 or 5am and literally couldn’t go a single day without it. I found it soul destroying to watch. Nice guy but weak. I left him. He’s undoubtedly got a vape tucked into his sleeve 24/7 these days.