Addicted to weed

If your partner was treating alcohol like that you wouldn't be wondering what to do. Weed is much the same. If people want you to have a bit here and there, fine. Every day habit, not fine.

Don’t waste your time. I’ve seen a lot of threads here where women try to help and end up wasting years. Don’t do that, you can’t save him, save yourself!

I think the time has come for him to decide between weed and you, or you will have to decide for him. You can't live like that.

Why are you with him.

How is he funding it? It will be expensive, particularly if he is a really heavy smoker. If he buys in bulk it may be cheaper but he risks a possession with intent to supply charge (which is a big deal). Or is he supplying to fund his habit?

If he has the sense to buy in really small quantities then whoever supplies him risks the more serious charge. He’ll be meeting his dealer more often and paying a lot more.

Cannabis is not a “safe” drug. It’s been upgraded to class B for a reason.

Please dump this guy. Even being on your own will be so much better.

Appreciate this is a lot harder than it looks on paper, but now is a good time to think about what your life is going to be like in 5, 10 years time and what has to change if that future doesn't look appealing. If you give the ultimation and he stops do you want to be with him? If you give the ultimation and he chooses weed can you extricate yourself and your assets easily enough - will he make this difficult? The mumsnet 'get your ducks in a row' might be worth considering before giving him the choice. If you choose to walk away without giving him the choice will it be all your fault and a massive drama? Do you care, because if not then I guess you know it's just time to go. Best of luck op, it's easy to say I couldn't live with an addict but these things creep up on you, I will ask you please not to bring children into it if you do stay though as I wish I hadn't grown up with my alcoholic father and his shitty attitude when he couldn't go for a pint.

Leave, even if he stops now, it could well creep back in when you have kids.

OP@Dogmum47 he’s an addict …so there’s absolutely no need to feel bad about ending this relationship …it’s going to bring more negatives than positives if he’s unable to stop. Why would you ever choose to have kids with an addict?

From the long term weed smokers I've known over the years (had a lot of friends in construction where smoking small amounts throughout the day seemed rife) I genuinely believe that it has a cumulative effect. IE it doesn't seem to cause any obvious issues at first but over time people seem to stagnate and as you mention, are snappy without it to boot. I'm sorry but I don't see this getting any better, especially if he's content with this lifestyle and not interested in changing it. You don't need to settle for this.

Please value yourself more than this.

I can't see a happy future for you here OP. You are already somewhat at the mercy of his moods, and you are right not to bring a child in to this environment.

He isn't willing to recognise that he has a problem, which means he isn't going to take steps to change. He may well never do so (and I wouldn't waste time waiting around for this). Aside from smoking weed, he is nasty to you. That alone is enough reason to call time on things.

Personally, I would leave and take my chance at a brighter, happier future with a kind, supportive partner (who I can have a fantastic time with on holiday). You are young and free- go and enjoy your life.

I would address is with him OP. Like you said, he did it when you met him so you can't really tell him to stop but you can speak to him about cutting down.

My DH smokes but just in the evening after a day at work & not excessively, he went through a short faze of smoking heavily in the evening until I spoke with him about it & he cut right back again.

I think of it as someone who has a couple of beers after work is fine but it's not ok when they are drinking all day.

I knew someone like this. All the usual lines - "less harmful than tobacco" etc - ignoring the fact that he smoked it with tobacco. The smoke from the unfiltered tobacco alone was horribly acrid.
He struggled to be 'normal' without his constant fix. Spent most of his money on it. The house stank - every surface drenched in brown stain. Affected his mental health but he couldn't see his own psychosis or whatever it was. Made my life a misery for a while with his unhinged behaviour and, I believe, it contributed to his early death.
I've no time for all the 'victimless crime' nonsense. It's harmful. It's addictive. People who use it can't see the damage it does. I couldn't be around someone who shows such poor judgement and selfish stupidity.

Ignore the apologists who no doubt will be along shortly.

Talk to him about it but unfortunately a lot of people find it difficult to stop smoking cannabis. Good luck. I don't think it sounds like a good environment for you long-term. Is there a reason you accepted it in the first place?

I felt the same . That I couldn’t just decide I didn’t like it any more . But the more I thought about it and realised he had an addiction , I realised that by just accepting it I was enabling him - which wasn’t good for him either .

Has the smoking increased since you met him?
What happens when you go on holiday abroad?

You can’t continue like this . You are clearly unhappy . Sit and think - can you honestly see yourself living this life forever ?

I am the wife of an alcoholic . The way you feel about this , I felt about alcohol . I was unhappy and thought the same as you - he would choose the alcohol over me. I just accepted that was my life and settled. Like you - I was embarrassed. It got worse and I couldn’t take it anymore , so I gave the ultimatum.

He didn’t choose the alcohol , he chose me . If anything , he has said that deep down he knew it was a problem and he didn’t know how to address it . He got help and he’s now almost 6 months sober . He is a different person , our marriage is so healthy and happy now . He is happier - he’s like a different person . All of his good parts , that were snippets before , that’s now him all the time .

If he had chose alcohol , I would have left . I just couldn’t live like it anymore . I am painfully aware that addiction is life long , there is of course a chance that he will fall off the wagon and sometimes I worry that the happiness I have now is temporary because I know if he goes back then we are over and I honestly adore him . But , in all honesty , with each passing day I get more secure that he is off it for good as he genuinely doesn’t seem to miss it .

There is a view of weed being more innocent - it’s a calm drug , it’s not addictive but that’s just not true , of course it’s addictive - all these people that smoke it and say how good it is and it’s better than alcohol , I bet they couldn’t just stop. Addiction is addiction . Not that he ever has but I know my husband couldn’t start smoking it , as it would just be another addiction to replace the alcohol .

Please put yourself first - if he won’t choose you over the weed then you deserve better than that and if he can’t choose you over it , it’s clearly an addiction .

Of course there’s no future. Whatever you do, for God’s sake don’t bring a child into this.