Was this a form of domestic abuse?

*Please can I have no outright rude/disrespectful comments on this post. It's a sensitive one.

Hello,

So just for some background I'm from a south Asian background and upon getting married to my DH I moved in with him and his family. (This is quite normal in our culture). We didn't have an arranged marriage. We found each other, fell for each other then decided to get married.

Fast forward, after marrying him, I started to realise things were a bit off with his family. I decided not to dwell on the negatives but as time went on things got worse and now that I look back I'm sure it was a form of domestic abuse. But I find it crazy to think that this could happen to me because I was brain washed into thinking that it's all a part of our culture and this is just how things are.

1. His dad made me change my Whatsapp settings so that he can see when I'm last online and he made me turn on my read receipts so the ticks turn blue when I've read a message. Prior to this my WA settings were so no one could tell when I'm online or read a message as sometimes I tend to reply to messages a little later.

1. His mum would tell me what I can and can't wear

1. I fell at work and had a minor fracture on my ankle. Went to the hospital etc. His family refused to believe that this happened and said I was lying and that I had to start doing housework etc as normal.

1. My DP's Nan passed away and I had kidney stones around a month later. In the Asian culture when someone passes away friends and family visit regularly to pay their respect. During the whole month I was serving these guests but towards the end I had awful backache. One of the days was on the day they held weekly prayers for my DP's Nan but I was in excruciating pain. I needed to go to hospital (didn't know it was kidney stones at this point) my FIL told me I can't go because of what people will think and I later found out my MIL was telling people I faked the kidney stones. I helped throughout the month. Just at the end I felt unwell. I later found out that I also miscarried during this time.

1. A few weeks after the kidney stone incident my FIL told me to come downstairs. He told me to switch off my phone and told me to get a pen and paper. He then told me to write 'what makes a good daughter in law' and 'what makes a bad daughter in law' and read it out. He then told me to tell him which of these traits I have and which ones I lack. He said being 'unwell' 'all the time' isn't what makes a good DIL and that they're not going to provide sympathy for me. He said I needed to be more resilient and get on with it.

1. My FIL asked me if I could put their mortgage on my name as his credit and my MIL's credit isn't great. I said no and he was angry and upset and said I didn't consider them my own family.

1. I'd have to spend 6/7 days cooking or cleaning. If I didn't everyone would start giving me dirty looks and start being passive aggressive (except for DP).

1. My MIL would always say I have to do certain things (like be home when my FIL's friends are coming over) as it looks bad if I'm not there to serve them.

1. When I was pregnant with my DD I developed tachycardia during my pregnancy. My husband would say to my MIL and FIL that I need to take it easy and my MIL would ignore that. She didn't want to accept that there could be anything wrong with me. She'd say I need to keep active so I labour well later.

10. When I was pregnant my MIL would smoke in the car. It felt like a power trip because I couldn't say anything as it was her car.

11. My PILs would expect me to cook and clean during pregnancy for their guests.

12. My MIL would get her daughters to snoop in our room when we weren't home.

13. My SIL's and MIL would listen to mine and DP conversations outside our room.

14. My PIL would feel like they can tell me when I can go and see my family. I never listened anyway and this would cause tension. I'd see them for around a week every 3/4 months. Not sure why that's an issue.

15. My MIL made my whole pregnancy about her. She'd go on about how she's unwell and she needs attention and she can't do anything anymore as she'll be grandma and should leave my baby with her and take over the whole house's responsibility.

16. They'd try to control my finances

DH and I have now moved out. They've gone NC with me because I went to see my family a few weeks ago and didn't go there and take my DD to say bye. I'm sad that I tried to hard to please them and I feel angry at myself for putting up with the above but I honestly thought some of it was what was expected of a DIL.

There's a lot more. But this was domestic abuse wasn't it? I think I need to accept it properly for what it was.