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Original poster

Meeting up with MIL without DH

86 replies

whitecupboard · 08/05/2024 07:46

I work part time (Mon,Tues,Wed) and have Thurs and Fri off work. My MIL expects me to meet up with her one day every week with DD. DD is 18 months and MIL just wants to sit in a cafe where, obviously, DD is getting bored after a wee while.

I see my parents one day when I am off but they come to my house or we go somewhere where DD is a bit more entertained, they drive to see me.

MIL doesn't drive so it's always me that is having to go and meet her in her local town (45 min drive) and trying to time it with DD naps/lunch etc.

I like my MIL but I just cannot be arsed with the expectation I should use my days off to see her. Can't go to her house as her partner (not DH's dad) is horrible to me and DH which she just accepts is how he is instead of asking why he is like he is with us (we have not doing anything wrong to this man, his own children don't even bother with him though which says a lot)

Every few weeks DH will go and collect her from her house, bring her back to ours and then have to take her back which is just a pain in itself. Also, after an hour or so she says ok are you ready to take me home now so it's a lot of mither for just an hour or so visit before she wants to leave anyway.

AIBU to say I don't want to meet up with her? I really am struggling with whether I am just being a cow.

OP posts:
Toomuch44 · 08/05/2024 08:00

From the point of view of being fair to both sides, if you're seeing your parents, MIL should have the opportunity to see you as well. However, this doesn't have to be just you - it can be done when your OH is off as well or he can do something with MIL occasionally on his own.

There will be buses - you need to start making other arrangements on that day, so you haven't got time to drive over there but she's more than welcome to get bus to yours (if possible) or a joint location like a park. Either way, weather should be better for a few months, so going to/meeting at a park with a play area for DD and somewhere that serves takeaway coffee would work better.

Maddy70 · 08/05/2024 07:59

Wean her off. Can't come as joined a baby group to meet baby friends

Can't come next time as meeting your friends from Baby group

Etc etc

fieldsofbutterflies · 08/05/2024 07:57

I'm surprised you've tolerated it for so long to be honest, no way would I do this every week for someone who never made any kind of effort themselves.

DH can take baby to visit MIL occasionally if he wants - you stay home and have some peace!

MonsteraMama · 08/05/2024 07:55

You're not being a cow. It's nice that she wants to spend time with her grandchild but she needs to be a bit more flexible, and not expect you to do all the legwork to facilitate this.

What's stopping her meeting you at a soft play or something a bit more kid friendly? Her not driving is a pretty poor excuse to expect you to run round after her, public transport exists.

Zanatdy · 08/05/2024 07:53

I would not be driving 45mins each way to see her on my 2 days off each week. I’d just say that sorry you’re busy, little one gets fussy in the car, anything really. If she complains about your parents I’d say that they come to you so that’s the difference. How horrible you can’t visit her home due to how her partner is, that’s also on her, if she got rid of this guy perhaps you’d go and see her more

Noicant · 08/05/2024 07:53

Can you do fewer meetings and say have her stay a night once a month instead and get your Dh to do the driving?

yaynottoolongtogonow · 08/05/2024 07:52

It's your husband's role to do this, not yours!

SBHon · 08/05/2024 07:51

Can your DH not do the meet up on his day off instead of you doing it in yours?

CadyEastman · 08/05/2024 07:49

Absolutely not. There's no way I'd be happy to do this every week. Why can't she take public transport to get closer to you?

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 08/05/2024 07:48

Her choice not to drive.

You're choice not to faff around wasting time with her. If I was to meet her, I'd pick a softplay venue :D

Yanbu!

WombatStewForTea · 08/05/2024 07:48

I'd start phasing her out slowly. Have something you need to do one week and see her every other week for a bit then start to increase the gaps.
She might not be able to drive but is there no public transport?