***TW*** Sexual intimidation - To think that this is what almost every woman goes through.

Me too. I’m reading these stories and thankfully don’t share any of those experiences, and neither have my friends. I run and walk at night, I have close male friends, I work with men and have never felt in a position of vulnerability.

Surveys like this are junk.

I could be feel sexually harassed by a man standing next to me at a bus stop, not because he did anything, I just find men uncomfortable to be around.

That's why those surveys are no use.

Men do this because they're bullies, and bullies are very careful about who they bully and when. I imagine some women just give off some kind of vibe that they're not worth the risk? Which might be why not everyone experiences it.

Had a quick Google. Think the poll was London based. Didn't have time to do further digging. https://committees.parliament.uk/writtenevidence/89317/html/#:~:text=%5B3%5D%20It%20found%20that%2064,may%20amount%20to%20sexual%20assault).

Sorry if I've done that link wrong. But I think if you have never been a victim of any unwanted sexual attention as a woman, then you're quite lucky. How awful to say that!

I don't think you can expect "men" whatever that means, to understand this issue.

Most of them are not involved in that behaviour and the ones who are don't care.

Feeling Intimidated, like feeling offended, is something YOU control, not something which is done to you.

You are using provocative language to describe what most of us (men and women) go through as we grow up. All the teenage fumbling, pressure to do this or that. When I was 15, a lot of girls in my class, me included, would roll us our uniform skirts, unbutton our shirts, loosen our ties and try to get as much attention as possible from the boys. Sitting next to the ones we fancied on the playing field benches, or winding up the ones we didn't by making sure they saw us. Would you say that we were "sexually intimidating" the "men"?

I've had very little sexual harassment from men as an adult, and nothing like the assaults at school, but I'm another who also never had healthy sexual interest from any.

Tbh no, I don't do anything you mention, and I don't really have issues walking alone at night - quite regularly do if I work late in the office.

Same here. I have 4 sisters and we are close enough and none of us went through any of this.
Sorry you went through that op but this is not the norm for many, many people.

I was subjected to domestic abuse throughout my marriage, but I don't have experience of the everyday intimidation described here. These experiences are indeed horrible but I don't think they're universal.

except we are meant to have evolved from being wild animals, else why have laws.

We have laws because many of us ARE still like wild animals. If we all defaulted to treating each other with dignity and respect we wouldn’t need laws.

Tbh I have not experienced this, and I am nearly 40. But then, I haven't experienced healthy sexual attention from men either. I've met quite a few women in a similar situation, but women being unattractive to this level is still a big taboo, so the topic is discussed only on some niche platforms.
This is obviously not to say that it is not happening, just wanted to add a different perspective.

@PurplePink45 I often do the key thing, even in well lit places.

I realised the other day I actually also have a really bright torch on my keyring, and that it would probably be more effective to shine that in someone's eyes, rather than try to stab them with a key.

But the fact that I had that thought process on a well-lit main street at about 10pm, is concerning, isn't it? (And I have never actually been raped - so I can't imagine what it's like for people who have experienced that).

I’m genuinely amazed that there are women who exist who haven’t suffered harassment and unwanted attention from men. I’ve had flashers, been grabbed and threatened in the street and of course years of the tiresome catcalling in the street.

I was so sad the other day when my daughter said she always gets a friend to go to the car wash with her to avoid being “nonced” as she put it. It’s beyond enraging that a young woman can’t do something as mundane as visit a car wash without attracting unwanted male attention.

@strangewomenlyinginponds I'm intrigued what happened to the guy on the train when you say it didn't go well for him - did you say something?

I wondered if I should have confronted the guy on the bus I was on (see my post above) but I was too nervous to, and I'm in my 30's so not super young, but I was still scared. I didn't know what to do really so just got off the bus.

If I wrote the list of male harassment I've experienced you'd assume I was exaggerating. Still happening in my 50s, though men know older women will stand up to them and do it less often, they still do it.

The one thing that lessened it appreciably was driving myself everywhere instead of public transport. Because I take a train twice week now it's started up again. A guy exposed himself a couple weeks ago pretending it was an accident. It didn't go well for him.

It's absolutely commonplace. I'm very observant of men too, almost hyper aware, half the young women wouldn't notice creepy sleazers unless he slapped her phone out of her hand.

Anyway, cities plus public transport are the magic ingredients, it seems. Oh for a bottle of pepper spray.

@GreyCarpet I said bear too and my reasoning was, i feel a lot less frightened at being mauled by a bear and dying hopefully pretty quickly than the possibilities of what that man COULD do. Torture, Rape .. Id rather be mauled but have a chance to escape then escape after enduring all that crap

I drive past our local high school about 4:15 every afternoon, the time where there are smaller numbers of children leaving after clubs etc. the amount of men driving towards me that I see on a daily basis ogling these very young girls is absolutely shocking. My own DD is 21 and at Uni, she likes to run but gets absolutely sick of being cat called everywhere she goes, she is too scared to go somewhere more remote. It is and always has been a problem and it's not ok. I don't know of any woman who hasn't experienced some sort of SH. I've experienced loads from a very young age and still in my 50s but lessened now.

Yes OP.

Only this week I was sat on a bus, there was a guy across from me probably in his 40's, manspreading and holding his dick.

I don't know if he was doing it particularly to intimidate me, or just because he felt entitled to do it, or just because he couldn't leave his dick alone for the short bus ride home.

It was grim and I got off the bus early because I felt so uncomfortable and anxious about it.

A lot of men don't understand how often this happens to women.

Wow. This has made me think...
I was quite unattractive and chubby at school.
However I got preyed on by an older teenager. Who pretended he liked me. I had zero self esteem. He used to say things like 'well, you would do it if you liked me'.
He proceeded to try and have sex with me. I was 14.
And yes, other instances since then unfortunately, and talking to my best friend about it. Similar with her too (and she was really attractive and popular growing up), so many girls and women are just not fucking safe from any of these dickheads. Edited to add, we were both away on holiday on a quiet beach when a guy came to lie down near us, we were like, ok, that's a bit odd, but whatever. After a few minutes he started to play with himself. We got up and left immediately after the shock had worn off. Dirty bastard. How dare they!!

There's been a lot on SM about the bear vs man thing over recent days.

I was completely unaware of it's existence when my partner asked me which I'd prefer to meet in the woods. I answered bear without hesitation.

Obviously, it's a flawed question in many ways but I've since seen a lot of discussion about it on SM and its clear from the majority of men's responses that they've just missed the point entirely and simply don't get it

also walking home from school at 11 and having builders shouting to me to suck them off or flash them .... Nice

Yes, my sexual Assault began when i was 8. It has come through in all types of ways but every way left me feeling disgusting and like i didn't want to be a girl with bits things that are obviously just so irresistible -_- I'm over that now but I still have a hatred for .. a majority of the people in this world.

I also remember being 10 and surrounded by a group of 10-13 year old boys trying to burn my legs with cigarettes and i remember just hoping that Burns were the worse thing they would do to me as i knew anything sexual would be way worse.. Managed to run home as someone scared them off by shouting out the window

We’ve all experienced some sort of harassment from men. My first experience was at 14, in school uniform, being wolf whistled, and cat called by builders.

Through the years we get told things like “you’d be much prettier if you smiled, love”, and men expect us to feel grateful. A lot of us have been called a “slag” for turning someone down at some point or another.

Makes me sick that it’s almost a universal experience for all women. If you’ve not experienced it at all, you’ve been INCREDIBLY lucky.