***TW*** Sexual intimidation - To think that this is what almost every woman goes through.

It started during my first term at a new secondary school aged about 12. I had just moved to the area and was quite shy but also looked older than my age . 3 boys ( one in particular) would touch me ,make loud comments about my breasts and other unpleasant comments especially in sports lessons. I suffered in silence but took it to mean that I was doing something wrong.
There were several other incidents over the years but I felt like it was something I had to accept.I thought it was different nowadays but obviously not. It made me feel ugly and very anxious.
Years later I met one of the boys who appeared to be under the impression that I had been aware that they all fancied me!
Years later ,in my fifties in a new job, a male colleague made a horrible comment about me ,in front of several staff. I had no compunction in pointing out his own short comings in the looks department.

But someone took me aside and started making excuses for him.
You just can't win sometimes .

It’s not generally been my experience either.

It was so incessant I can’t imagine never having experienced it. My teens already have 😢. Lucky you!

Hugely lucky!

I don’t have any experience of it, though. I believe you - why is it hard for you to believe me?

I haven’t “been around very few men,” even comparatively speaking. Like…I live in the real world and go places, obviously. Shopping, large cities, other countries, people’s houses.

I just…I don’t know, I don’t run into creepy guys, somehow? I don’t know why.

I just fucking remembered that in primary school in year 6 when the girls started changing separately....these 2 boys would go to the girl's bathroom to see them in their underwear.

I find it really hard to believe women who say they have no experience of this. I have experienced it so much I can't remember or list it all, but I have had

• men folllowing me
• unwanted touching, including on public transport
• men revealing themselves
• wanking in front of me (on a train, and on a path when I was out for a walk)
• catcalling
• I have been date raped twice

To those who have DSs. How have you/their dad taught them to treat their female peers? Genuinely curious

Age 11 at Butlins. A man grab my breast as I walked past. Was really scary.

Attempted rape age 18, walking home at night alone. Apparently my skirt and heels were a problem. People victim blame all the time.

Walked past a man wanking coming the other direction in a church.

None were my 'fault' all very unlucky but comments around clothing, being alone, used to excuse disgusting perverted men. We have a problem in society and until people stop excusing men then it won't improve.

I can’t say I’ve every really felt intimidated by men tbh although that said I do have safety in mind because of the risk.

When I was younger and asked an a night out the very first thing I thought was how will I get home? Will I be on my own? (thus ruling out the night bus and probably taxis). A men wouldn’t of bothered with all that obviously.

@NoisyDenimShaker, no never.

Hmm seems slightly victim blamey to say these things happen in clubs etc. When I was a teen from age 13 ish onwards the worst incidents happened in these places :

outside my own house - he was sitting in a van wanking

Walking along in broad daylight in a French town

waiting at a bus stop in broad daylight

sitting in a park at lunchtime eating a sandwich

at my job.

So not having experienced it is only because you've been around very few men, basically. At least, comparatively speaking. That's depressing too!!

No wolf-whistling? No random bum-pinch? Once, I was carrying two drinks back to our table in a pub and a man put his two hands squarely on my bum. I whipped around but didn't know who had done it. Or when a teen, I would be waiting for my mum to pick me up, and I'd get catcalled by men who went by in their cars. If you've never experienced any unwanted attention at all, then you are exceedingly lucky!

He might have seen it happen, but I think men just don't realise how scary it is. Some don't even realise how much weaker we are than them. My ex didn't seem to realise the latter.

11 for me too. Quite a lot of harassment at 14 in public. And then got worse from there, but I do think the worst was when I left uni and was out on the world in my early twenties. I had no idea there would be so many older married men propositioning me. That was completely absent until I left uni.

On the subject of men not understanding: About 25 years ago, a journalist from the Daily Mail (I think, not sure) transformed himself into a woman to see what it was like, in terms of harassment. I think his name was Gareth or Gavin. Anyway, with a lot of help, he apparently made a passable female. The result was that he could not believe how much unwanted attention he got and how uncomfortable it made him, wearing a skirt and heels as he was. He said it was such an eye-opener and he'd never dreamed it was that bad and that scary for women. Food for thought. They just don't get it, it's true.

I can honestly say this stuff doesn’t cross my mind. Carrying your keys in your hand ‘just in case’?

I’m one of the ones who hasn’t really ever had any problems with men though, so I understand if you have that you would be more fearful.

Obviously I use common sense — I wouldn’t get into a car with a strange man or anything — but I think nothing of walking home alone at night or collecting a piece of furniture etc. I’ve had no reason to.

Years ago men were believed over women , people had no sympathy if a woman was raped unless it was by a stranger , women who had no male relatives to protect them because a lot of these pervs are cowards and don't want a beating, and don't forget there were no cameras or forensics like there are now . I personally believe these physical assaults are planned and these men knew they could get away with it .

Surprising and fairly unusual but not denying it exists at all, I don’t know anyone who has had this experience in real life but I’ve read a few threads on here with women who have said similar eg. Not one single like or matches on dating apps or anyone hitting on them or approaching them socially ever.

Slightly of topic but that must’ve been difficult with the kids.

I’m childfree so far because I get attention and dates and relationships but I really want a great father for my future kids and I don’t believe I’ve found that yet . My biological clock is ticking and I get tempted to just go and pro create with anyone tbh lol but I’ve made peace with the fact I couldn’t put a child through not having a father as I didn’t and it really affected me. Nor do I like the idea of raising kids on my own and that lack of support but I know many women do it well.( And yes I know some women with “ present fathers” don’t get much support either!)

You get to 40 and men prefer to try to scare you, in my experience. Power is what it is all about, always. Just this afternoon I was out on a dog walk and a twat in his 20's came tearing up the rocky off road path in his shitty white van, dust everywhere, at about 60mph straight at me and the dog. Managed to dodge him and grab dog who was panicking and he had the audacity to call out "you alright?" with a giant grin. He thought it was hilarious. The silly thing is the more they do this kind of thing the tinier I imagine their penises to be; I get the same immediate reaction mentally to farty cars. I don't know who they think they are impressing, but it's not girls or women!

So, yep, all stats, discussions and evidence prove that sexual abuse is incredibly common for women and girls and that only a very lucky minority escape that, of course absolutely nobody has denied those lucky few exist, and fortunately even those few wouldn't dream of pretending it wasn’t true.

What we do about it though - honestly there's no solution beyond women evolving to become as dangerous and predatory as men.

Meanwhile we'll all keep doing everything we do to try to avoid predatory men, and hope for an awakening among the decent men, and support our fellow women trying to escape abuse and harassment where we can, and let them vent where we cannot.

It started when I was 11. A boy of the same age wanted me to "suck his willy". I was really young for my age and my family had just moved house and I moved schools. I don't think I have ever shared this with anyone.

Then I was inappropriately touched / assaulted by someone close to me as a teen. Again, never told anyone,totally internalised.

Loads of wolf whistles, unwanted groping whilst under age or barely over 18.

Also had men in clubs make fun of my looks and appearance.

Now I am in my 40s and overweight. I wear my appearance like a cloak of invisibility and it feels good.

I think so many women have experienced it more than once that it averages out to more than once per woman. Probably by the same men over and over again.

I believe you though and i know my DP would never be one of those men

I also know I've been groped in clubs, kissed by a man in a position of trust when I was underage and I was sexually assaulted when drunk at 14 by a man in his 20s. I put it down as a drunk fumble and friends joked about it going further so I don't like to think about it. I also had a load of men target me and one was wanking off asking questions about an innocent service I was offering when I was younger.

No less than 3 friends have had an inappropriate breast examination and one felt an erection at 8 years old from a teacher. My mum and her friend were raped.

All of us are "nice" women and girls. Not "slags" or "rough". I expect a lot of us are targeted on the correct assumption we will never report it or wont be believed of its not serious enough. One of these situations was reported and got a log number. I didn't expect any more. What does that say?