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Suspect husband is lying about money

178 replies

WhyNotBeHonest · 07/05/2024 23:00

Sorry it's long.

When we first met husband said he wasn't great with money/budgeting so I have always managed the monthly bills and household costs and he transfers me an agreed amount on payday. Often offered to go through it with him but he's fine with me doing it (as am I as always been very money conscious)

When we first met he took out a doorstep loan which when he mentioned it to me we paid off from savings and he repaid me directly to save the huge fees/interest.

Some time ago (18 months ?) I noticed he was using a different bank card and he said he'd been offered a credit card at a good rate so was building up his rating by using that for everyday spends and paying it off weekly/monthly and I was really proud of him.

Then end of last year he got a letter which looked very formal and I found it in the bin asking for payment by a certain date. I asked him what it was really about and after a long discussion and arguing he admitted he'd overspent and borrowed some money and had cancelled his repayments too soon and missed t he last one but was all sorted now. Took it as face value and left it there although was worried

Cut to today.
Formal "to be opened by addressee only" letter arrives to him and I am concerned what it is for.
Last time something like this arrived he said it was a pre-approval offer and binned it but today I googled the post code and it came up with a debt collection agency.

My worst nightmare. After everything we talked about before.

Asked him when he got in what the letter was and he said a credit card offer from virgin.

Feel stupid asking but could it be?
I don't want him to say I don't trust him again but in this instance I actually don't.

When this came up last year he accused me of not trusting him and I said I do in terms of being faithful, I never doubt that, but when it came to money I do have doubts, as has proven to be the case

Where do I go from here without confrontating him and admitted that I googled and "checked up on him" but it's not like I wasn't right in my suspicions.

Back last year I told him he HAS TO be honest with me, no matter the issue.... And now this

For info we rent and have no kids

OP posts:
WhyNotBeHonest · 07/05/2024 23:13

How do I get him to be honest with me? We had a massive argument last time to the point we spent days apart and when he came home I explicitly said how much it upsets me and how he has to be honest and I'm just gutted that I'm in this position.

He told me before he didn't tell me because he wanted to show he could get himself out of a situation on his own without me "bailing him out" which I understand the sentiment behind but was still suspicious it was because I called him out, but after that was explicit that it CANNOT HAPPEN AGAIN and now I suspect he never did pay off the last payment or even several, and now it's out of hand he doesn't want to tell me because he told me before it was all sorted

At the time I thought I was being so harsh but now just feel that's made him hide more

OP posts:
VeraForever · 07/05/2024 23:09

He's lying to you.

Jojobees · 07/05/2024 23:05

I’m sorry you find yourself in this situation but yes he’s lying. He’s got debts you don’t know about.

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