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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect fat nurses to have some insight?.

755 replies

Vikingess · 07/05/2024 21:26

Just had a routine health check today at my GP surgery. Two nurses - both considerably overweight - dispensing advice on diet. I
am not overweight -AIBU to expect health professionals to demonstrate the the standards they recommended or at least admit to falling short.

OP posts:
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7
narkyspirit · 08/05/2024 10:26

My BMI was 31 so in medical terms obese but, not so much fat more muscle, a blood test saw me on a pre diabetic referral! person running the course said I didn't qualify as sugar level were'nt hi enough! self referred as Dr was insistent!

I saw another Dr, older more sensible who said need to lose a bit of weight but concentrate on changing shape more than weight, it worked with the help of a PT BMi now 28.

Nurse still suggests weight watchers, which, as she is quite large, pot and Kettle.

Hygenist is another one dispensing skincare advice!! Lips are sun damaged and tells me to stay out of the sun, tricky when you work outdoors.... I told her I have already had skin cancer once, sadly it looks as if its back after 15 years, dermatology has picked up a few things.

SmileyClare · 08/05/2024 10:23

PatsyStonesBeehive · 08/05/2024 10:10

I had an appointment yesterday with a very overweight Dr and I could cry writing this because he was the kindest soul i've ever encountered in a GP surgery. I'm worried about a health issue being something sinister and he went above and beyond to not only reassure me, but to comfort me. I left the appointment feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

A stark comparison to the skinny Dr who all but snapped at me a few weeks before for leaving seeing someone so long. He left me with such anxiety and fear that i've hardly slept since.

I know which GP i'd rather see again.

It’s lovely to hear positive praise for a gp - so rare these days!

However let’s not demonise “skinny” people. I don’t think personality or compassion is at all connected to body fat ratio.

Mirabai · 08/05/2024 10:22

Magicpaintbrush · 08/05/2024 10:08

I have spent a LOT of time at hospital recently because my DH has cancer and yes, quite a few nurses are somewhat overweight - BUT they work so bloody hard, they are rushed off their feet, doing crazy hours, so I can completely see why they would struggle to find the time for things like exercise or cooking healthy food from scratch etc If I was in their position I would grab whatever was easiest because the time to do otherwise is not always there. They put their own wellbeing to one side because their time is filled up with caring for others. Given the reality of that then no, I wouldn't judge them at all, they are doing their best with limited time for their own health.

They seem to find the time to eat though.

Cooking from scratch I get, although you just have to prioritise time off work to batch cook so that you have nutritious stuff in the freezer.

Youcantellalotofthingsabouttheflowers · 08/05/2024 10:21

It depends. If someone who was clearly obese was telling me about how important it is to lose weight for my general health and that I was heavier than I should be whilst they were a lot bigger, I would roll my eyes. If they explained that losing weight would help my particular issue, gave me information
on how I could do this then I would gratefully receive. It’s all in the delivery.

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 08/05/2024 10:21

No in-depth discussion or deeply personal disclosures needed, but just an acknowledgement would be appropriate.

I had an injury that left me unable to use good technique for one aspect of something I was paid to teach. I would briefly explain that I was currently unable to do it, but it was important for x, y and z reasons and therefore I would still spend time helping my students to understand and matter the correct technique.

Ignoring the elephant in the room makes people doubt your competence or knowledge.

Blushingm · 08/05/2024 10:12

BurnoutGP · 07/05/2024 21:46

Staggering. I am a fatty boom boom GP. I also have an additional qualification in obesity and diabetes. I am especially well educated and experienced in these fields.
I cant/don't follow the advice I dispense. I guess best I just throw the towel in if I'm not to be taken seriously.
There are many reasons I'm obese ...childhood abuse, DA, menopause, long covid. But you know us fatties were all just sooooo stupid for being fat. It's all just so easy isn't it.

I love you!!!

PatsyStonesBeehive · 08/05/2024 10:10

I had an appointment yesterday with a very overweight Dr and I could cry writing this because he was the kindest soul i've ever encountered in a GP surgery. I'm worried about a health issue being something sinister and he went above and beyond to not only reassure me, but to comfort me. I left the appointment feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

A stark comparison to the skinny Dr who all but snapped at me a few weeks before for leaving seeing someone so long. He left me with such anxiety and fear that i've hardly slept since.

I know which GP i'd rather see again.

Blushingm · 08/05/2024 10:10

Vikingess · 07/05/2024 21:41

You are right. Sorry. They are qualified to give the right advice even though they obviously weren’t able to follow it themselves. I think I just found it quite patronising and hypocritical it the way the advice was delivered.

Obviously weren't able to follow it themselves??????

How judgemental - you know absolutely nothing about them!!!!! A friend of mine for example (a nurse) has just completed chemotherapy - because of steroids she put on A LOT of weight. So perhaps keep your judgement to yourself as you have no idea what goes on in strangers lives

PithyLeader · 08/05/2024 10:09

Fairyliz · 08/05/2024 09:52

Given all of the comments on here I have to ask what exactly is the point of all of this public health advice?
If nurses who see the adverse effects of smoking/drinking/overeating don’t bother following the advice why on earth would anyone else?
Might as well just save the money and let people get ill.

Because many, many people don't know.

So health professionals need to let people know and then the person is informed and can make their own decisions.

And before anyone says 'everyone knows x, y or z' no they don't.

I spoke to an acquaintance this week who has a young DD recently diagnosed with CRPS who had been advised via a support group that a 'Mediterranean diet' was anti-inflammatory so bought lots of fish, vegetables etc but ends the meal with a magnum or a sugary dessert and still gives her cheese strings, milkshakes, sweets etc as her DD has always had a high-sugar high- processed food diet and she doesn't want her DD to be deprived of her usual 'treats'.

And she even said 'treats won't undo all the good she gets from a meal of fish and vegetables'.

Hopefully once she gets to see a dietician she'll get the information she needs.

Magicpaintbrush · 08/05/2024 10:08

I have spent a LOT of time at hospital recently because my DH has cancer and yes, quite a few nurses are somewhat overweight - BUT they work so bloody hard, they are rushed off their feet, doing crazy hours, so I can completely see why they would struggle to find the time for things like exercise or cooking healthy food from scratch etc If I was in their position I would grab whatever was easiest because the time to do otherwise is not always there. They put their own wellbeing to one side because their time is filled up with caring for others. Given the reality of that then no, I wouldn't judge them at all, they are doing their best with limited time for their own health.

taxguru · 08/05/2024 10:06

Fairyliz · 08/05/2024 09:52

Given all of the comments on here I have to ask what exactly is the point of all of this public health advice?
If nurses who see the adverse effects of smoking/drinking/overeating don’t bother following the advice why on earth would anyone else?
Might as well just save the money and let people get ill.

Given that some of the "advice" has been proved incorrect or misleading, I'd tend to agree.

These days, everyone has smart phones or laptops so could easily find better advice if they bothered look. We don't need people telling us generic advice word for word from a leaflet that is probably completely out of date and not in accordance with more up to date research as it was probably first written decades ago!

It was actually quite refreshing to have a brief consultation with our GP "practice diabetes specialist GP" a few years ago, whose "advice" was to join a couple of Facebook groups and he then scribbled down the names of the groups on a scrap of paper which he gave me. I joined them and became much better informed than from the "information/advice" I'd been given previously from a succession of dieticians, GPs and specialist diabetic nurses. I'll be forever grateful to him for actually thinking outside the box rather than glibly repeating memorised platitudes from NHS leaflets!!

Sweden99 · 08/05/2024 10:05

Incidentally, Novo Nordisk used to have campaigns to encourage healthy living. Posters of lots of shiny, slim people with big teethy smiles on family bike rides. Of course, it was ineffective as they were harder to relate to and having bigger people in the posters was marginally less rubbish.

ClareBlue · 08/05/2024 10:05

And tbh, most health services don't exactly support their staff in making healthy lifestyle choices, do they. Shift patterns, crap canteens, not enough break time to exercise and eat properly, stress resulting in comfort eating or quick alcohol wind downs, bullying, patient abuse, management abuse, the list goes on so maybe it's no surprise some result in poor diet or over eating. Maybe we should consider how they are supported first.

Sweden99 · 08/05/2024 10:03

@Hollysberries, yes, I agree.
The great shame is that obesity is stigmatised so much. It means that the medical advice is hard to separate from social judgement. One can certainly be useful, the latter almost never is.

TorturedPoetsDepartmentAnthology · 08/05/2024 10:01

Delatron · 08/05/2024 09:29

A few quick questions about the OP’s diet and exercise would quickly establish whether she needed the (basic) NHS advice.

Same for anyone really. I’m assuming it’s more time efficient to give the basic NHS advice to everyone. It would be better if the nurses and other HCPs had time to sit down and offer a personalised service but this is the best way, for now.

Flatulence · 08/05/2024 09:58

Depends on what they're saying.

If they're chastising you or telling you to lose weight when you're not overweight, that's not okay.

If they're simply giving you general advice about healthier choices then you're being incredibly judgemental and unkind. How do you know they don't follow that advice? Perhaps they eat lots of healthy foods, but in too large amounts. Perhaps they eat lots of healthy foods but don't move enough (for a variety of reasons). Perhaps they used to be a lot bigger but are losing weight now by following their own advice. Perhaps they're struggling a lot with their mental health or dealing with a huge amount of other stuff and healthy eating has taken a back seat for a bit.

The fact of the matter is that health professionals are qualified to make recommendations. But they don't have to follow it themselves, nor do recommendations cure/prevent every ill or account for people's complex lives that can make it extremely hard for some people to lose weight and maintain that weight loss.

Equally, does every dermatologist wear SPF 50 every day? Would you judge them if they had spots? And if you spotted a dietician in the supermarket with a trolley full of crisps and cakes would up think they were being inappropriate? What if you went to see an orthopaedic surgeon and they had a limp? None of these things are absolutely optimal in some respects, but no person is 100pc of the time.

The nurses are human beings and are, as such, flawed. If the advice is evidence-based and if it's delivered in an appropriate way for you then just let them do their job. They're paid to think about your health; you're not paid to think about theirs.

Cookiecrumblepie · 08/05/2024 09:58

YABU. Weight isn’t just diet and exercise. It’s all kinds of factors. Genetics, social economic context, emotional stability. Some people are in abusive relationships and comfort eat. They probably know it’s wrong but it’s a coping mechanism. They still need to work and provide for their families. Stop being so judgmental.

DirtyCheeseBurger · 08/05/2024 09:57

Well this is a vile thread.

You know nothing about why someone is overweight. What battles they are fighting. They're a paid professional.
Be fucking kinder.

ChishiyaBat · 08/05/2024 09:56

Fat people are thick and stupid or they wouldn't be fat @HappyReunion at least that is what people on here seem to think!

ClareBlue · 08/05/2024 09:56

Fairyliz · 08/05/2024 09:52

Given all of the comments on here I have to ask what exactly is the point of all of this public health advice?
If nurses who see the adverse effects of smoking/drinking/overeating don’t bother following the advice why on earth would anyone else?
Might as well just save the money and let people get ill.

We have moved on a bit. We have photos of a Dr smoking in the maternity ward in Limerick in the 1970s whilst doing a consultation. Common enough at the time apparently.

80schildhood · 08/05/2024 09:55

Knowledge does not equal ability to put that knowledge into practice. I KNOW that I'm an unhealthy weight. I KNOW that I could.lose weight if I reduce my food and drink intake and exercise more. I sometimes have the energy and inclination to eat well and exercise but more often I don't. I also have several health conditions and between the conditions themselves and the treatment for them, my energy levels are all over the place.
So, giving advice is easy but cognitive dissonance is powerful.

Part of my job involves advice giving. When I do it I always say, "I know it isn't always easy to do this, I don't always manage it myself, but it is best practice and if you can manage it, you will get positive results." I don't think there is anything wrong with professionals relating to their patients/clients in this way. It's better than leaving them feeling patronised and belittled.

I once went to see my Health Visitor as a new mum because I felt like my exclusively breast fed baby wasn't pooing everyday. Another health visitor was milling around the room and glanced over at us and said "well you know mum's diet is really important, a glass of orange juice every now and then wouldn't go amiss". At no point did she actually ask me about my diet, she just made an assumption and a snidey comment. So I think that how health advice is delivered is more important that the actual words said. It sounds like there was no real connection between you and the nurses. Probably because at some level they feel hypocritical.

HappyReunion · 08/05/2024 09:54

Otherstories2002 · 08/05/2024 09:42

You clear are overweight or they wouldn’t have been giving you the advice.

Why do people think only overweight people need healthy eating advice?

Janiie · 08/05/2024 09:53

Yes so many hcps are overweight and that's up to them but I wouldn't tolerate being given healthy diet advice from an overweight Dr or nurse either. It's just hilarious that they'd think it was inappropriate.

Fairyliz · 08/05/2024 09:52

Given all of the comments on here I have to ask what exactly is the point of all of this public health advice?
If nurses who see the adverse effects of smoking/drinking/overeating don’t bother following the advice why on earth would anyone else?
Might as well just save the money and let people get ill.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 08/05/2024 09:51

shiftingsandsoftime · 07/05/2024 22:17

I have actually experienced the situation of a nurse feeling they had to 'at least admit to falling short' when advising me to do a little more exercise and it was not as good as the OP thinks. Thank goodness she didn't go as far as apologise for herself, although you can see why the fat-hating patients she must meet while doing the job she is qualified to do probably make her feel she should apologise and/or hand back her qualifications until she is thin enough. What's the alternative?: resign until she's thin, fail to give any healthy living advice that is part of her job until she's thin, or preface any healthy living advice that is part of her job with a self-flagellating disclaimer (OP's suggestion) and/or apologise.

I would feel so uncomfortable if someone I didn't know was apologising for their life choices. I'd spend my time trying to reassure them it didn't matter and end up feeling bad when all I wanted to do was get my appointment done and go. I can't imagine many people would feel comfortable with that. It's not really professional either.

As someone with a chronic illness and friends who are also ill I'm well aware that there are many reasons people are overweight including medical causes, medication, mental illness. I think we'd all be the better for giving others a little grace instead of judging them for the wrongs they've supposedly committed.

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