Hotel guest appears to have reported me

We swear a lot in general conversation with each other, so it's not out of the ordinary to do it in an argument. Swear words are not words we consider more offensive than others.

I answered a post on MN with my opinion, go away with your "moral high ground" rubbish. Try your spiel on someone who might bite harder, I don't care what keyboard warriors think about me.

OP shouted at her husband. She got told that's not considered normal by many people and responded in a very aggressive way to a lot of people.

The majority of Mumsnet have been in the 5 month old baby stage. Many of them will have been away. If the huge amount of posts on here are anything to go by, loads of them also have shit partners. She asked a question, she got answers and didn't like them.

I would never swear at my husband in anger. You’ve said you do that. Does that mean my relationship is better then yours?

No. It doesn’t.

I would raise my voice. You apparently think that’s ‘not normal’.

You’re being ridiculously judgmental and illogical.

The norm for mumsnet is not the norm for all of society.

Same to me? Where have I claimed to know what’s normal in a relationship and what’s not?!

I said saying something you don’t mean to a partner is as normal as shouting e.g neither of those things are abnormal on relationships. Many do either or both. Reading comprehension is your friend.

Op had no idea if she had been heard by the neighbour. There may have not even been anyone in the room! She was feeling paranoid because of what the manager had said to her and her husband.

And saying ‘you don’t care about me’ when you know your partner does and actually treats you well, could be considered by some as emotional abuse so I wouldn’t be so keen to take the moral upper hand if I were you.

Even if, in that moment, they're being a dick? And telling them that makes them check themselves and stop it?

OP also stated it was "normal" to shout. She thinks it is. The majority of posters on the thread have said it's not their normal. By definition, the "norm" is the thing the majority do.

Same applies to OP, and you. OP stated she shouted as is normal in relationships. It's not.

Yes, couples, especially those who've been together forever, argue and irritate each other. But if it's to the point you're losing your rag, enough that other people feel the need to report a disturbance, and you think it's normal, is that a good sign?

When I say that I say stuff I don't mean, it's things like "you don't give a sh*t about me". I know he does, he shows it all the time. But I've said it cos in that moment I feel like it. I don't actually mean it though because rationally it's not true. Nor is he a dick. Sometimes he just acts like one.

I hope op is ok btw. It would massively help if some of the judgier posters could have bothered to read the op’s updates. She’s clearly struggling with a small baby and a fucking worse than useless husband.

So everyone else is abnormal. And you're normal right? Says who? You will be biased duh! Doesn't mean you are the normal one.

Editing to add. My personal opinion is that it isn't adult communication to call someone a dick.

It’s about as normal as saying something you don’t mean.

I actually never do that. You can’t take things back, once said. But we have shouted at each other on occasion.

Why do people think they can confidently say what’s normal and what’s not? You can have a normal for your relationship but you cannot say what’s normal or not for all of society. Surely that’s obvious?

I've lost my temper, but shouting at DH is not a thing that happens. I may say something that I don't mean, or tell him he's been a dick. But shouting is not normal, adult communication, even when pissed off.

Oh ffs!
yes having a baby is tiring and yes we lose our shit with those close to us.
You are allowed to raise your voice every so often.
hotel staff sound caring take it as the kind gesture it was intended.

@QuietLifeNoDrama, if that is to me, then yes, I agree. I would not have written such things as a naive young man. It was a hard thing to learn that my actions would not do much to prevent it. I think it is unrealistic to set your standards too high in all aspects.

I think you've just hit the nail on the head. You would class it as normal life. What people are telling you is that normal life shouldn't be like that. You may not like it or want to hear it but you shouldn't have to shout and loose your temper in order to get your needs met in a relationship.

@NeurospicyMummy, what a thoughtful post.
I would still say that shouting at your husband, for either annoyance at him or because life is overwhelming generally is normal. That said, it is not good and in many cases is basically a tantrum. It can serve the same practical purpose.

Completely relate to your frustration OP. And I’ve certainly been there and shouted at my husband when overwhelmed. The hotel staff were definitely just doing their duty I’m afraid.

I also agree with other posters that shouting at your husband is not okay (but concerns for baby’s welfare is a step too far 🙄). It’s taken me so long to realise that it’s the equivalent of an adult temper tantrum. Once you’re back from the holiday I highly recommend starting sessions with a couples counsellor (Relate are great). Saved my sanity (felt like a single married mother) and also my marriage (as he’s had to recognise he wasn’t doing enough and step up).

Hope you’re getting some you time now baby is in the crèche.

It's shocking the divorce rate is so high when so many people have the perfect marriages!

I've just got back from centre parcs with my sen 4 Yr old (who is 1 Yr old developmentally) and yeah it is/can be very tense and stressful and shattering. I'm absolutely exhausted and me and DH have been snapping at each other and getting annoyed much more.

We have shouted at each other on occasion when losing our temperature. Everyone needs to calm down acting like OP is in the incredible hulk or something. I find it very hard to believe all these commenters have never got annoyed and raised their voice at their partner.

We all loose our temper from time to time and raise our voice but I think the term “time and place” springs to mind.

Yes it’s completely unreasonable to behave like that in a hotel, if I had behaved like that and they next door room had heard I would be extremely embarrassed.

All these people that reckon they have never shouted at their partner…
Having a young baby is hard and I have definitely lost my temper with my husband when I’ve been tired and stressed and felt like he’s not doing his share.
The hotel walls are probably thin, another guest has complained and the hotel staff are just checking everything is now calm and trying to scope out if it’s a one off or if they need to be concerned. I hope you are all okay and enjoy the rest of your holiday!

So many perfect ladies here. Yes, it can be normal for some couples. Not if you're shouting every day at each other, no, but you haven't said this. This was one occasion, this could have been the only occasion. Especially when you feel like one isn't pulling their weight, and with a baby, it can cause arguments. We do it very seldomly and not in front of our child. Together 14 years so I think we're doing ok.🙄

I didn’t even reply to you so your reply is pointless! My post was NOT pointless as I was replying to the OP to tell her to take no notice of people saying they are perfect because it’s BS people do argue and raise their voices I see and hear it all the time in various places. They just don’t realise they are doing it or more to the point, like to pretend they don’t

I agree. I live a much happier married life than my friend who is never allowed to shout and has to bottle up all her feelings as shouting is unacceptable to her British husband. But it's OK for him to be a bully through talking, never ever shouting... I am not saying that anyone who doesn't shout is a bully. But some people are and of course they have no idea that they are....

It doesn't trigger me as such, I'm just shocked that so many eople claim to never ever shout or raise their voice. I don't think I've ever met anybody in my life that hasn't shouted at some point when things get tough 🤷‍♀️

Book yourself into the spa. Leave him some breast milk and let him get on with it. Side his hernia just like he didn't care about your stitches. When you get back criticise everything he has done. Tell the baby daddy doesn't care enough to look after you properly. Then start on his appearance. When he gets mad say its not nice is it. Now you know how I feel. Tell him things need to change or he'll find himself looking after the baby full time as you'll Be off.