Hotel guest appears to have reported me

Most women will shout at their husband when they feel overwhelmed. It is very nice to pretend otherwise, but nonsense.
Of course, they will not do this in company. When it is a semi-public place, such as a hotel, it woudl take extreme conditions. In this case, not only are there extreme conditions, but the extreme conditions are because of his actions.

First holiday with our kids I didn’t shout at my partner to the extent the manager came and had a word with us. So no it’s not normal.

… except in terms of their comments they didn’t show much restraint at all .

She wasn’t seeking attention: she was distraught.

That’s what has been so unkind about this thread. She was reaching out in a position of difficulty and everyone took it as a chance to parade their superior restraint and lack of “crassness.”

I made an implication, you made the inference.

But regardless, I stand by the general notion that shouty public arguments are crass, undignified, and a grossly unfair imposition on the innocent third parties you're dragging into your attention seeking ways. Unless you're literally shouting for help, private lives should be exactly that.

Edited to add: deliberately causing a public scene and involving others to embarrass and shame your partner into relenting is a common abuse tactic. Not accusing OP of that by any stretch, but I'm very curious as to why you are so defensive of that tactic.

S they e iw

The answer to this has two parts ( so you will be doubly humoured).

You made a pretty direct inference that being starved of attention as a child would cause the behaviour you are denigrating. That is both an attempt to be derogatory about people who have suffered childhood neglect but also just a massive unsupported assumption.

Secondly, this was done in the context of a thread where you know OP shouted and is worried she has been overheard and is therefore tantamount to ridiculing her for suffering emotional neglect as a child ( which is either just not true so unfair, or true, so cruel. )

That explain it and tickle your funny bone?

Humour me, why's it "truly venomous" to dislike public screeching matches and to expect people to have a modicum of decorum around third parties?

And you are arguing in public on here.

Or is it just the loud voice that’s the problem and not the content, which, as this poster has pointed out, is truly venomous.

Why would you want to cast aspersions on people who were starved of attention as a child? Lucky old you if you weren’t - though we still haven’t sorted out why the venom?

What do you gain from this venom you’re spitting everywhere?

Are we still pretending that loud obnoxious arguments in public are normal?

I'm not perfect. I've lost my temper and DH has been in zero doubt that I've been absolutely fucking livid with him.

But thankfully I wasn't so starved of attention as a child that I needed to performatively let every poor fucker in a 100 yard radius know exactly how I feel as well.

I’m mostly just alarmed that OP was driven away.

That’s what I thought! Sex is all very well as a PRIVATE event.

Imagine sitting round as a family listening in: “ Ah I think she may be nearing climax by the sounds of it . What do you think dcs? “

As you say .., the contortions are mind-boggling. And as for the posters who shunt themselves into the role of victim of the thread …

At the start I thought you were in the wrong for shouting, but after reading your comments about how useless and critical your partner has been I can understand. I'd definitely have snapped at him too. Critising you to the baby is un-excusable. He sounds like a waste of space and that he's manipulating you to feel bad by constantly putting you down. That's a form of abuse, whittling away at your self esteem until you have none left, so you'll never have the guts to leave him.

Try to enjoy the rest of your holiday. Give him the baby and go for a walk. He's the father, he's not babysitting, he's doing his duty. Once you're home, you need to have a serious think about how he treats you and talks to you, and have a talk with him. Hopefully he'll see what an arse he's been.

If a was a man shouting at a woman loud enough for people to hear from other rooms I’d be concerned, it shouldn’t be any different for a woman shouting at a man.

Me and my partner bicker a lot, holidays are stressful but I don’t ever recall us shouting at each other - especially in front of the children

It’s not just you 🙄I have commented on the widespread appalling behaviour on this thread. I engaged with you, amongst others, because you specifically said OP wasn’t normal. Bit rich to play the ‘poor me’ card though after you’ve been part of a pile-on.

The reason I’m still arguing is because I’m actually defending someone who could be quite vulnerable. Same can’t be said for you and those others who’ve recently joined in just to kick OP.

Why is it so important to you to tell me that I'm also not normal? And why just me, why not every other person who has said it's not normal, or that they do something different? Loads of people have responded in the same way but you're only interested in tearing me down.

I won't be responding anymore, as I'm off to look after my child and spend time with my husband. Who I might call a knob today but I won't shout at. Whether than makes me normal or not.

This is the torturous detail.

Why is it so important to you that everyone knows not only that you think OP is abnormal but, in addition, that your relationship is normal and intrinsically better?

Some of us are more concerned that an already struggling new mum has been lambasted left right and centre when she came looking for support. Are you happy to be a part of that?

My point is though, me saying "don't give a sh*t" could be said in anger or in every day. My DH knows that and won't take it any differently because it's a phrase he hears regularly. It's a phrase he uses regularly.

If, however, I called him a horrible man, or shouted at him, said he was vile or nasty etc. He'd take that as an insult. Because it would be one.

If I was talking to a stranger or someone within my circle that I know feels differently about swearing than I do, I wouldn't use those words. Even in anger.

And show me the "torturous detail". I said, as many others have, that I don't think it's normal to shout.

Why are you asking AIBU? Everyone thinks you are, but you still don't agree.

Pointless thread if you're not going to listen.

God almighty. Yeah, live sex show for pre-teens is better than them hearing someone briefly yell at her husband.

The lengths these posters will go to in order to ensure OP keeps feeling like shit.

This example is not at all along the lines of what you said at all; you previously gave an example in which you swore at your husband in anger not as banter.

Carry on arguing black is white if you like though.

Just maybe give a moment’s thought to the fact that OP is a struggling young mum who lost her temper briefly at her feckless husband and your priority is to come on here and explain in torturous detail how you’re, essentially, better than she is.

Oh behave! That's absolute rubbish. One isn't more serious than the other. What planet are you from? 😳

I said a man shouting at a woman is typically far more serious than vice versa. Which you know to be true. It is also rarer because people, including you, know this.

Didn't say they weren't. Said we don't consider them offensive. Because they are just words. The intent and tone behind them are much more important than the actual word.

It is not outside of the realms of "normal" banter between friends to affectionately say "oh f off" or "you b". If it's a thing you both do and the tone is right, it's not offensive. However if I shouted at DH (although I don't) "get out of here you HORRIBLE man", much more offensive than playfully calling him a knb.