Hotel guest appears to have reported me

To shout is so inconsiderate of other, paying, guests.

To shout at your spouse at any time is not kind, and not respectful - unless you are warning of impending danger, barracking together at the football or cheering partner on in a race.

Mean shouting is unsettling and smells of abuse.

Hoteliers were right to be cautious of you and worried for their other guests.

Hey OP, I can completely sympathise.

You sound exhausted from the stress of preparing for the holiday and your partner not pulling his weight.

What's done is done, the hotel have done a bit of a welfare check, but nobody is hurt and now you can enjoy your holiday.

Instead of spending lots of time getting pent up and responding to these comments (which whilst doing so, I can imagine are causing you to continue to feel pretty rubbish), why not head off and enjoy the remainder of your holiday.

The first few months can be brutal and you just sound like a very very tired mum to me, who needs a break.

Me and dh have argue yes If gets heated walk away and take 5 we wouldn't raise our voices to the point where staff and hotel guests was hearing it how embarrassing and people who paid aswell

You also don't sound like your coping when you mention yes a 2 hour creche makes up for getting no sleep at night baby's do this unfortunately I would be having a chat with my dh about sharing the nights with baby aswell if baby isn't sleeping well maybe you need a break op aswell sounds like you was offloading on your partner aswell 🤷‍♀️

Wowzers! Over the top comment.

The OP is defensive because Mumsnet is having a good old fashioned pile on.

DH and I have a great relationship but we occasionally shout in frustration. We certainly did when stressed with a young baby. Try to put it behind you and see it as the hotel staff just checking that everyone’s okay. Holidays with babies can be really hard - they’re lovely when DC get older though!

No shouting is not normal, arguing is normal but most don't shout loud enough to concern someone else on holiday or anywhere.

People go to hotels to relax, not to listen to screaming babies, and in that rare quiet moment when the baby is in creche, perhaps when the guest in the room next door was having a nap, a woman shouting at her partner.

OP said she was shouting, so one has to assume she was. The guest has complained - and why shouldn't they? - and management have been kind. What is the problem? OP seems indignant that someone complained.

I think a lot of the varied replies depend on what people class as “shouting” or not.

I quite often raise my voice in frustration at my partner for minor incidents like the fact we have a mat by the front door to take our shoes off and he will step over it and then take his shoes off, or he’ll use lots of different glasses instead of refilling the same one and leave them NEXT to the dishwasher, or even (and this REALLY PISSES ME OFF) he takes his socks off and balls them up and puts them on top of the laundry basket instead of in it.

I sometimes wonder what kind of psychopath he is and how I’ve managed 10 years of it!

In these occasions I mostly tut passive aggressively and bang things around so he knows I’m annoyed. If there are other stresses going on or I’m annoyed about something else then I might “shout” at him. This usually involves something along the lines of “I’m not your mother and if you don’t put those socks in the basket you are HAVING THEM FOR YOUR TEA!”

There is no menace behind it, just frustration and he usually apologises.

Occasionally this might lead to a bigger argument about how I feel taken for granted having to pick up his socks and wash them, he will of course get defensive and maybe throw some of my bad habits in the mix. It’s usually a few minutes of raised voices and then I storm off and sit in the kitchen sulking and we both apologise.

I would think a lot of people on this thread can identify with this and recognise similar behaviour. To an outsider heating heated raised voices it’d probably be described as us “shouting at each other”

I guess some people are picturing a different scenario with shouting and swearing and genuine rage instead of a normal petty argument.

Realistically none should be done in a hotel room and I said on a previous post I’d be pissed off if I heard it, it depends on context if I’d actually report it.

I’m just taken aback at the responses by people who are convinced they never argue or raise voices, if that is genuinely the case then you must have a really incredible relationship, a lot of pent up rage or are completely unaware when you do “shout” I’m guessing the 3rd option.

YABU. It’s a hotel. The person/people in room next to you were probably kicking back on their bed watching Netflix on phones or pay TV on hotel tele and had to pause it when you kicked off. Either they were pissed off at being disturbed and rang down to see if someone could come tell you to knock it off do they could Netflix in peace, or they were worried your DH was abusing you to make you kick off and rang down to alert. Either way, the people in the room next to you were not the arseholes in this situation.

I agree with the few posters on here that losing temper/raising your voice or even shouting is normal because we are human. Babies or no babies. Yes, may be not pleasant for other guests in the hotel room

I shouted at my Dh when my first born was tiny, really tiny like a month or so old. I remember him clinging to me like a little monkey and my Dh saying "why don't you give the baby to me" and me not liking that at all.

Having babies is hard, tiring, hormonally chaotic. Its not easy and there's no 100% right way to do anything.

I hope you're ok op. That things have settled down. One of the things I worked out when I had babies was I had to share with my DH in terms of time to rest, time to clean stuff up, time to do active parenting and time to take naps. It really helps.

Of it was the OP’s partner shouting at her in a public building and someone had reported him I am sure everyone would be saying ‘they were looking out for you’ and sympathizing. But because it’s a woman yelling she gets away with it?

To be honest I’ve never argued with my partner so I’m not sure what you mean by “normal couples argument”. Have you ever had a job? How do you deal with a disagreement at work - surely you don’t jump to having an argument, you put your point across respectfully. It’s no different with your partner. You really do seem to be minimising shouting matches which makes it seem like this is a normal occurrence for you.

Going on a trip with a baby/small child is just being equally exhausted in a more scenic location. I got home today from three days out with my family and went straight to bed!
DH needs to pull his weight. You probably shouldn’t shout, though nobody is quite themselves when dealing with sleep deprivation. But I actually doubt anyone reported you at all unless the hotel manager dropped some very heavy handed hints that he wasn’t just making conversation.

This seems to be drifting off topic. @holidaybliss got a strong reaction from hotel staff re a shouting argument. There was shouting. Shouting isn't normal for lots of people.

That’s mumsnet for you. I have never met a more perfect set of women in my whole life.

To be fair, Hamsters are tricky. Ours escaped from a £70 Hamster Heaven cage - the bastard! Caught him after a couple of days with the lure of some lettuce.

I feel for you, I really do. I've only read your posts. Yes, it does sound like a neighbouring guest has said something, but it sounds like the manager was hoping to put you at ease.

Either way, don't let it wind you up when you're trying to relax.

I hope you have a more chilled stay, and... Don't get a hamster! Congrats on baby too.

Report your neighbours for judging too loudly.

They are lying - to us or to themselves

What a very good time for your partner to learn how to look after the baby, and for the baby to learn that other people besides you can look after him/her.

OMG the saint brigade who admittedly never ever raised their voice at the partner out again

such BS

Just have lunch late?

I don't think anyone suggests that no-one ever loses their temper. However, most people would try to avoid shouting because it achieves little or nothing; and especially they would try to avoid it when they know that others can hear and be disturbed by it.

No, mate, you don't know anything about the person who complained. They could have a personal history of domestic abuse and be alarmed by the sound of a couple having an intense row, scared for you or DH. They could be a timid little thing who's terrified by angry voices. Every year a couple of dozen Brits die on holiday by falling from a balcony, and it often turns out they weren't getting along with their partner.

Equally, as we don't know them, they might just have wanted to be moved away from a relatively noisy family. No-one knows, but there's little point in assuming malice at every turn.

You do sound incredibly stressed (understandably) and it doesn't help that half of Mumsnet wants to show off about their peacefully egalitarian relationships! I really hope you can kick back somewhere calm, with some wine, and then get a half decent sleep.

I also really hope you get some more support with DC, wherever you find it.

People in the neighbouring rooms would not have known that.

@potato57 yeah the poor cat especially, just wants some fuss and attention and gets yelled at for being affectionate 😥

I thought I was highly strung...