Page 17 | Hotel guest appears to have reported me

holidaybliss · 2024-05-07T18:10:41+00:00

Currently on holiday with our 5 month old baby, DH had annoyed me and I'd shouted at him, the usual stuff, first holiday with a baby and I feel I am doing a lot of the work (planning activities, childcare, etc). It was brief and nothing to write home about. The maid arrived shortly after at a very unusual time and the hotel manager came up to us at dinner and said how when he and his wife argue it's always about their children. I got the impression that both these events happened because someone in an adjacent room must have reported me to the hotel. Am I being unreasonable to feel this is unnecessary? It's not exactly like things were being thrown / someone was unsafe, I don't think it's a rare occurrence for a tired mother of a baby on their first holiday to get irritated at their partner.

Calliopespa · 08/05/2024 07:13

If it was just a brief shouting incident they may have reported for disruption rather than DA type concerns.

Your DH sounds like a wind up I’m sorry. And yes, so long as it isn’t prolonged and ongoing some people do shout from time to time so I’m not sure why people on here are acting as though they never have; but people tend not to in a hotel where others can be disturbed, especially with doors open.

It’s possible you felt guilty and linked the maid and the manager comment. How would he have known it was about the baby?

Jinglesomeoftheway · 08/05/2024 07:13

OP, please don't plough your energy into these negative comments, internet spats never go well, and there's so much going on your end, it will completely spoil your holiday 😘

Fizzib · 08/05/2024 07:08

Willmafrockfit · 08/05/2024 07:03

nobody likes to hearing rowing people

I think this is basically it Op, the neighbours in the hotel couldn’t care less about why or how you guys ended up arguing and can maybe not even make out the actual words you were shouting, so the fact you’re a “tired first time mum” or whatever is irrelevant.

The fact is they just don’t want to hear arguments and perhaps you were louder than you thought and/or they wanted to nip the behaviour in the bud before it escalates.

They were not BU to report you at all. Be more aware of your surroundings next time you have a disagreement.

Close the balcony door/windows , lower your voice, have some consideration for those near you trying to relax and enjoy their holiday.

pensione · 08/05/2024 07:07

Spottyness · 08/05/2024 07:06

Classic AIBU thread.

OP: AIBU?
Replies: yes
OP: no I’m not and I don’t care what any of you think

🙄

Don’t speak for others, many think she is not BU.

pensione · 08/05/2024 07:06

OP, ignore the Perfect Pattys, I guarantee they have ALL shouted at their partners.

Your husband is a lazy, manipulative shit. Do you even want to be with him?

Londonrach1 · 08/05/2024 07:06

Judging by your responses including to me which aren't nice I think you probably need to talk to the doctor. You don't sound well and very stressed. You dp should be doing his fair share. Have you thought you might have pnd. Please talk to someone to real life. You need to rest rather than argue with random people on the Internet. I don't think you realized how loud your argument was and can see why others staying near by were worried. Lack of sleep is awful. I remember it well. You are worrying unnecessarily about things. If you forget something shops nearby do sell them. I hope you got some sleep and today is better

Peonies12 · 08/05/2024 07:06

YABU. I’ve reported noisy hotel guests before. Get off MN, have a proper discussion with your husband and enjoy your holiday. What activities do you need to do with a baby, just chill out, especially if they go to a crèche for 2 hours

Spottyness · 08/05/2024 07:06

Classic AIBU thread.

OP: AIBU?
Replies: yes
OP: no I’m not and I don’t care what any of you think

🙄

Willmafrockfit · 08/05/2024 07:03

nobody likes to hearing rowing people

Original poster

holidaybliss · 08/05/2024 07:02

@RampantIvy he has a hernia and says he is uncomfortable in whatever position is required, if changing a nappy, it's standing he can't do, if the baby needs changing or a bottle, it's sitting he can't do. He fobbed me off until march saying he must wait for an appointment, I thought this was because he would have the surgery with them, but he waited until after the appointment to tell me he had no intention of having surgery with them, he wanted to see what they would say. If I knew this I would have paid for the appointment privately much earlier. He now insists he should have surgery with a different surgeon who he saw in July last year. He is going to have the surgery the week I go back to work, which puts a huge amount of pressure on me. Meanwhile I had a traumatic birth with a tear and somehow managed to be in hospital with the baby for 2 weeks when they were unwell and muddled through it.

OP posts:

CountFucula · 08/05/2024 07:01

I’m sorry OP, your husband sounds like he’s being an absolute dick.
I hope you both get some rest and to enjoy the holiday…. But the way he’s speaking to you isn’t right.

LittleBooThang · 08/05/2024 06:59

This reply has been deleted

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TorroFerney · 08/05/2024 06:56

holidaybliss · 07/05/2024 20:33

@NinaPersson yes this, I was too worried about the pregnancy to go away when pregnant and won't be able to take the time away from work once maternity leave is over and thought it would be a break.

That’s rubbish not being able to go on holiday when you are back at work.

Sillystrumpet · 08/05/2024 06:56

holidaybliss · 08/05/2024 06:32

There are several comments about how I should have come on the thread saying how I shouted and feel awful and how bad I should feel for someone in a nearby room to hear this on their holiday. But I don't. My partner criticizes me a lot: my clothes aren't good enough, my hair should be done differently when I'm about to walk out the door, they had a better bringing up than me and they want to remind me all the time and the latest is criticizing me to the baby. When there is an issue it's "mama doesn't care enough about your nappy does she, she'd much rather play on her phone". Where playing on my phone is actually booking the restaurant we will be eating at. Meanwhile he has read an entire book in the last 4 days. I have tried communicating this to him nicely, saying that when you say this to the baby, they will grow up to either treat others like this or accept this form of treatment. It seems that when I have the baby it's his time to enjoy doing nothing, but I never get that and get criticized constantly. There are no nice comments, if i say can't you say something nice about what I'm doing he says, "well you can't starve the baby" or "well you can't leave the baby filthy", to him what I'm doing is the bare minimum. So my shout was to tell him to stop criticizing me all the time.

All the people that have perfect partners and have never shouted can move along, I can't snap my fingers and be in a different situation. And I couldn't care less about how this 5 minute argument apprently ruined someone's holiday but apparently it's blissful to hear loud music pumping out by the pool and all night. I'm not in some kind of silence retreat.

Ok you’re clearly in a very bad place right now. Angry, resentful. It is hard to tell if this is sleep deprivation or you’re in a terrible marriage as you are making out. You need some time alone to think about that. At home do you have any respite? Child care of any form?

Batshitkerazy · 08/05/2024 06:52

People on mumsnet just love to disagree with the OP. If the person who reported had done the reverse post, everyone would probably say give them the benefit of the doubt, they’re probably exhausted with a new baby and just having a bit of bicker. Mind your own business etc.

Greenmayleaves · 08/05/2024 06:50

From your last post your partner sounds awful. Its his child too. With sleep deprivation and a partner acting like that I would snap as well.

I would be embarrassed about the hotel checking in but I think they are doing the right thing. It sounds like they have been there themselves and are trying to make you realise it's normal and you're not the only person who would be stressed in this situation.

I hope you can enjoy the rest of your holiday with baby (despite useless DP).

RampantIvy · 08/05/2024 06:50

@holidaybliss gosh, your partner sounds like a wet lettuce. Why is he so limited in what he can do? Is it a matter of won't rather than can't?

Was he like this before you got pregnant?

While I have never raised my voice to DH I have complained and bickered, but I have a quiet voice that doesn't carry, and no-one outside a hotel room would have heard me being cross.

The people who complained won't have known that you didn't have the baby in the room with you, so it sounds like they were concerned about the baby.

Marchingonagain · 08/05/2024 06:42

OP your partner sounds like a complete arsehole. I wouldn’t worry about the hotel manager checking in on you. Sounds like they were sensitive and polite. Your twatty, rude partner is your problem ! He sounds intolerable

PoppyFleur · 08/05/2024 06:40

There is a reason why sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Everything is difficult when you are exhausted.

Honestly, who cares who heard you shouting. It happened, move on. The matter that needs addressing is your DH and his lack of capability. He doesn’t get to opt out from being a competent parent. Use this holiday to start addressing this now. You aren’t superwoman, he needs to step up now, before you return to work from maternity leave.

When you say he is less than capable, is he leaving everything to you? Is he lazy or lacking in confidence?

This holiday is the ideal time for him to step up. Don’t ask him to get involved, tell him you need a nap and he is on duty.

Ilovecashews · 08/05/2024 06:38

Perhaps you should sleep/rest instead of fighting with strangers on the internet. If it was a non-issue, as you seem to say in your last comments, why are you wasting precious time here.

Sometimeswinning · 08/05/2024 06:35

atchoooo · 08/05/2024 02:49

To be honest I’ve never argued with my partner so I’m not sure what you mean by “normal couples argument”. Have you ever had a job? How do you deal with a disagreement at work - surely you don’t jump to having an argument, you put your point across respectfully. It’s no different with your partner. You really do seem to be minimising shouting matches which makes it seem like this is a normal occurrence for you.

Edited

I tend to be more emotionally invested when it comes to dh over a colleague.

They have a 5 month old, they are on holiday. I’m not shocked they’ve gotten pissed off with each other and raised their voices.

Original poster

holidaybliss · 08/05/2024 06:32

There are several comments about how I should have come on the thread saying how I shouted and feel awful and how bad I should feel for someone in a nearby room to hear this on their holiday. But I don't. My partner criticizes me a lot: my clothes aren't good enough, my hair should be done differently when I'm about to walk out the door, they had a better bringing up than me and they want to remind me all the time and the latest is criticizing me to the baby. When there is an issue it's "mama doesn't care enough about your nappy does she, she'd much rather play on her phone". Where playing on my phone is actually booking the restaurant we will be eating at. Meanwhile he has read an entire book in the last 4 days. I have tried communicating this to him nicely, saying that when you say this to the baby, they will grow up to either treat others like this or accept this form of treatment. It seems that when I have the baby it's his time to enjoy doing nothing, but I never get that and get criticized constantly. There are no nice comments, if i say can't you say something nice about what I'm doing he says, "well you can't starve the baby" or "well you can't leave the baby filthy", to him what I'm doing is the bare minimum. So my shout was to tell him to stop criticizing me all the time.

All the people that have perfect partners and have never shouted can move along, I can't snap my fingers and be in a different situation. And I couldn't care less about how this 5 minute argument apprently ruined someone's holiday but apparently it's blissful to hear loud music pumping out by the pool and all night. I'm not in some kind of silence retreat.

OP posts:

Nottherealslimshady · 08/05/2024 06:25

Two points. It's not normal to shout at eachother. They're on holiday, they don't want to hear shouting.

BingoMarieHeeler · 08/05/2024 06:17

Since when does not shouting at your partner mean that you’re a perfect emotionless person who never gets annoyed? I get pissed off, annoyed, riled, frustrated regularly by people in my life, I just didn’t choose to marry/have kids with any of them. And I do get mildly annoyed by my partner occasionally (like once every 2 years maybe) but don’t think I’ve ever felt the need to shout. Pretty simple!

Jinglesomeoftheway · 08/05/2024 06:14

As a more general comment, the attitude of some mumsnet posters is absolutely apalling. Can some people not see a woman here who's recently had a baby, struggling with a severe lack of sleep, not receiving assistance, and being backed into a corner here and understandably becoming defensive at posters nitpicking and arguing with her.

This forum was no doubt created as a support for women, and nobody seems to be given any grace for any mistakes, or empathy for somebody in her position. Yes next door neighbours deserve a quiet holiday here etc but goodness me that's so far down the list of what's important here, and they're not impacted long term.

This site has become a scary place for people seeking help when theyre in a vulnerable time in life.