Page 25 | To think most women on here hate men

Original poster

Tanyahawkes · 07/05/2024 21:05

DinaofCloud9 · 07/05/2024 20:50

So what if it is?

Reddit, X etc are full of misogyny. Why shouldn't a predominantly female site be more for women.

Show quote history

Honestly at a loss really as to what to say here, I’m obviously fighting a losing battle to get my point understood (I don’t mean agreed with, just listened to, VALIDATED)

I mean tbh if women are so much better than men, as is the impression I get. My opinion, which I believe the vibe is, women are entitled to, and I am a women, so if women are better than men, then why are we not superior enough to rise above their misogyny, why do so many stoop to the same level in revenge

OP posts:

MistyGreenAndBlue · 07/05/2024 21:03

Tanyahawkes · 07/05/2024 18:45

Sorry for the rant but I’m noticing a pattern on mn, any post involving a man and a disagreement results in multiple calls of he’s a narcissist, he’s abusing, he’s controlling, leave the bastard!

I’ll admit that a list of posts do involve behaviour that is not nice from dh and dp. So many posts also can be interpreted in many ways too, I just feel like a large number of women jump to the worst conclusion first about a strangers partner, having only one side of a story told in a short version.

for anyone misunderstanding me, if a post says the partner is hurting physically, calling names, cheating, putting the op down, then yes I agree, ltb (so long as the post is true) it’s when a post says “great relationship, today partner upset me and we couldn’t see eye to eye” and everyone calls the poor guy a narcissist etc

Never once seen this on here as you describe it.
Seen plenty of apologists though, sometimes for really appalling, abusive behaviour too.

It's not "man hating" to tell a woman she isn't obliged to put up with a man's shit btw.

TheaBrandt · 07/05/2024 21:03

Totally disagree I have observed the opposite. Genuinely rare that the Dh is in the right but when he is posters are quick to say so. The far more common scenario is where the woman is under playing truly dire dreadful abusive behaviour 🥲

NonPlayerCharacter · 07/05/2024 20:58

strangewomenlyinginponds · 07/05/2024 20:54

Right. She's gone from "be nice to men" to "modify your speech and don't have human frailties I consider your conduct unbecoming". 🙄

Show quote history

She?

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/05/2024 20:58

my point is mostly about the good ones, sometimes they get treated like they are arseholes, for being human, seems the good men are getting a bad rep just for being male

Nope. I tell people to LTB all the time on here. Then I go over, kiss DH and give him a hug and he says, "oooo I'm getting all the love. Is some man being an arsehole on MN?" and usually he's right.

Women with good DHs who are loving, kind, hard-working and honest. We're the ones telling women with shitty men to leave. Because we know me aren't all like that, can be decent, and you can have strong boundaries and a good relationship.

And if women disagree, and want to stay, that's OK too. No one of leaving just because MN says so FFS.

MsMuffinWalloper · 07/05/2024 20:58

@Tanyahawkes I may have missed it, but which thread has a heading "All Men Are Bad?" or similar I have missed? I think bar one or possibly two posters no one ever seems to say "I hate all men".
I certainly don't see swathes of that as a response in threads.

LTB is a classic MN trope - we are/were called vipers because we give men short shift, famously. There were quotes in papers and everything. Coming on here now and saying it's new is only showing your newness.

taleasoldashoney · 07/05/2024 20:57

strangewomenlyinginponds · 07/05/2024 20:54

Right. She's gone from "be nice to men" to "modify your speech and don't have human frailties I consider your conduct unbecoming". 🙄

Show quote history

Yep like clockwork

Yet another thread this week berating women for not being womanly, in the sweet, docile and modest sense, enough

vivainsomnia · 07/05/2024 20:57

What I find annoying at times is the assumptions made from what is not stated in on the post. If it relates to the woman (so normally the poster), it's always that there are good reasons, reasonable excuses, exceptional circumstances. However, the assumptions made to the man is always that he is selfish, greedy, a cock lodger, an abuser of any sort. They certainly never get the benefit of the doubt let alone given excuses.

strangewomenlyinginponds · 07/05/2024 20:54

NonPlayerCharacter · 07/05/2024 20:47

It's quite amazing how many people had to come onto Mumsnet before they realised women are capable of being rude on the Internet. And you think this is shocking and hateful and a terrible sign? Did you join the Internet yesterday?

Have you ever seen a death or rape threat on here?

Show quote history

Right. She's gone from "be nice to men" to "modify your speech and don't have human frailties I consider your conduct unbecoming". 🙄

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 07/05/2024 20:51

Tanyahawkes · 07/05/2024 20:19

Just to follow up, you have given a prime example of my point, you read that my partners ex with held sec as a form of control, your brain automatically translated that to “ women don’t do that. He must have been a sex pest”

then you read things into my statement about my 2 different ex’s and rather than ask was it one person, you assumed it was, and reading an undertone that if I say my partner and I have both reacted badly and had blazing rows, no doubt you saw “toxic relationship. Abuse”

people interpret other people’s posts, don’t nicely ask for more clarity, just presume and make out the bloke is a monster, maybe he is, maybe he isnt

Show quote history

A very pertinent post indeed.

SerafinasGoose · 07/05/2024 20:51

NonPlayerCharacter · 07/05/2024 20:47

It's quite amazing how many people had to come onto Mumsnet before they realised women are capable of being rude on the Internet. And you think this is shocking and hateful and a terrible sign? Did you join the Internet yesterday?

Have you ever seen a death or rape threat on here?

Show quote history

NAMALT.
Criticism of men for whatever reason = misandry.
'Women are nasty too'. (Albeit not amongst the 99+% of sexual offenders or the marginally larger, but still overwhelming minority, of violent offenders).

My MN bingo card is nearly full ...

Original poster

Tanyahawkes · 07/05/2024 20:51

taleasoldashoney · 07/05/2024 20:25

Sex isn't "withheld", that would imply that the asker was entitled to it and therefore the person not agreeing to the sex was "withholding" it

But sex isn't a right

And men who complain that women withhold sex are normally trying to imply that women are using it in a disagreement to try to get their own way I.e. "she wanted me to do this and I wouldn't so she withheld sex until I agreed". But quite frankly for a lot of women there's nothing that's a turn on about a man you are fighting with/disagreeing with so why would they have sex at that particular time

So yeah men who complain that their ex's withhold sex are a red flag. Because the tern withholding implies its the man's (in this case) right which is being withheld. That's pretty rapey language tbh.

Show quote history

Maybe with held is bad wording on my part, without going into his personal details I cannot explain the situation, and trust me, she is a toxic ex, the amount of shit we have had from her in 11 years (they had no kids, no house together etc, so no need for contact) is ridiculous. She still tries to contact him now, they split on bad terms, she will try and contact every now and then, she had kids now and is engaged, but she loves to contact to talk about old times, it’s a ploy for a bit of attention if not to get back with him. When I say she used sex for control, it’s not punishing him for being an arse but not having sex. Women can use sex as control, obviously it’s not the same as rape, but it’s still abusive

OP posts:

DinaofCloud9 · 07/05/2024 20:50

Tanyahawkes · 07/05/2024 20:21

I’ve been trying to find your other comment, thankyou for the male perspective, if you haven’t got that vibe on here then I’m glad you haven’t. I was feeling (still am a little) like this site is a “leave your testicles at the door, they are not welcome here!” Kind of place

Show quote history

So what if it is?

Reddit, X etc are full of misogyny. Why shouldn't a predominantly female site be more for women.

NonPlayerCharacter · 07/05/2024 20:47

Tanyahawkes · 07/05/2024 20:42

Women on here can be vicious in how they talk to other women, I’ve seen some rude comments, some downright uncalled for comments, calling each other stupid etc

Show quote history

It's quite amazing how many people had to come onto Mumsnet before they realised women are capable of being rude on the Internet. And you think this is shocking and hateful and a terrible sign? Did you join the Internet yesterday?

Have you ever seen a death or rape threat on here?

strangewomenlyinginponds · 07/05/2024 20:46

Tanyahawkes · 07/05/2024 20:36

As I’ve stated in all of my replies, abuse is awful, I do not argue with anyone on that (unless they say abuse is good, but nobody said that)

however this is MUMS net, yes mostly aimed at women, as only women can be mums, and yes it’s amazing that there is this website where women can get support, in all aspects. But that doesn’t mean all men are bad, it’s the same mentality as if for instance somebody posted saying “I’ve been robbed, the person was a black/european/asian male …..” if any of the comments were then racist based on a bad experience with somebody of that race, people would be in uproar, “you can’t say that. Yes robber was …., but you can’t tar every ….. person with the same brush” not the same but my point is that it is comparable, not to tar everyone with the same brush because of bad experiences with xyz

i hope im making sense, this is not a the world revolves around men they can’t do any wrong, and it seems that’s the way it’s being seen

Show quote history

Literally nobody says all men are bad.

Men are responsible for 95+% of all violent crime. Not all men are rapists but 100 percent of rapists are men.

It would be more useful for you to consider your own biases than keep lecturing women, and telling them to ignore relevant life experiences and their own intuition so they don't offend the manosphere, as well as generally tone policing them.

Given that all women have had experiences of fear, violence and sexual abuse by men, whether just comments or actual assault, many from childhood onwards, and given that every single woman changes her behaviours when travelling, in public and online to try to remain safe from men, the question is not why are most women inclined to assume the worst of men, the question is how most of us still manage to love men, live with them and remain open to hope that they'll do the right thing.

taleasoldashoney · 07/05/2024 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

Tanyahawkes · 07/05/2024 20:44

Comedycook · 07/05/2024 20:41

Obviously not all men are bad...but I don't really think I can be arsed to sift through them to find the good ones. If I was single again, I wouldn't bother.

Tbh at 40 I think if my relationship doesn’t work out I’ll be saying the same, coz there are some nasty (as in all senses) men out there, and even if you find a decent one there is no promise he doesn’t come with crazy family or an actual crazy ex, and I don’t mean “my ex is crazy” “erm no she’s justified, you either made her that way or you are an arse and when she called you out, you called her crazy”

OP posts:

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 07/05/2024 20:42

Most women's OH is a male and that is a fact
Reading many of the posts here makes me wonder if MN attracts and at times you get thread after thread of misandry comments.

What people forget is that both men and women can be decent but there is always a minority in both sexes that are awful

That tv show, Man O Man - I bet you if it was Woman O Man there would have been blood on the streets

This show

https://www.google.com/search?q=man+o+man&rlz=1CAXCFT_enGB1105&oq=man+o+man&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTINCAEQLhjHARjRAxiABDIKCAIQLhjUAhiABDIKCAMQLhjUAhiABDIKCAQQLhjUAhiABDIGCAUQRRg8MgYIBhBFGDwyBggHEEUYPNIBCDM1MDFqMGo3qAIAsAIA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:73161309,vid:JAw06JrTSAI,st:0

Original poster

Tanyahawkes · 07/05/2024 20:42

nutbrownhare15 · 07/05/2024 20:26

I think most women on here care about their sisters and recognise we live in a very unequal society where women are much more likely to be taken advantage of in relationships. Hating the patriarchy doesn't mean we hate men.

Women on here can be vicious in how they talk to other women, I’ve seen some rude comments, some downright uncalled for comments, calling each other stupid etc

OP posts:

Comedycook · 07/05/2024 20:41

Obviously not all men are bad...but I don't really think I can be arsed to sift through them to find the good ones. If I was single again, I wouldn't bother.

SerafinasGoose · 07/05/2024 20:39

But that doesn’t mean all men are bad

NAMALT is a straw man. I don't ever remember seeing anyone say they were. Which begs the question of what is the point of it?

Original poster

Tanyahawkes · 07/05/2024 20:39

strangewomenlyinginponds · 07/05/2024 20:35

The point of the bear versus man scenario was that you can hide from a bear, avoid it. It's not actively looking to hunt and kill you and there are measures you can take that generally work to keep it away. They're predictable in their behaviours.

Whereas men aren't, and you don't know if the man will be a predatory rapist and murderer, and since men are responsible for 95+% of all violent crime it's not great odds he'll be a safe bet.

I'd pick the man, but I completely understand why so many women chose the bear.

Show quote history

Ahh yes very valid points, I had no clue what all of that was about. Now I do, so thankyou for that.

100% men are responsible for a way higher percentage of violent crimes than women.

honestly I just meant and still do, not every failing of a man is abuse, probably such a high percentage is, just not all

OP posts:

Nicebloomers · 07/05/2024 20:37

Treacletoots · 07/05/2024 19:37

I don't hate men. Just the misogynistic, abusive, selfish ones. Which counts for a helllll of a lot of them.

On a serious note I think it's a good thing that we challenge people to consider whether or not a relationship is actually good because all too often women are brought up to accommodate the menfolk at the expense of their own lives.

The older I get, the more I see it, and I want to help people who are in an abusive or simply sub standard relationship to see that and do something about that. Perhaps because I've been there and at the time had noone to help me.

So, I think it's a good thing. 👍

This with bells on.

Original poster

Tanyahawkes · 07/05/2024 20:36

SerafinasGoose · 07/05/2024 20:27

What I see is a site full of women who have bravely shared the most terrible stories of their abuse, sexual and physical, at the hands of men. Who rape them in their sleep. Who abused them as children and caused lasting psychological damage. Who accost them in public and terrify them out of their wits. One of whom kicked the living shit out of a random woman in the swimming pool for no reason she could see, other than that she was the faster swimmer.

That you can look at this site and see a bunch of man-hating harridans, OP, whilst I look at it and see the above, speaks volumes about the way in which you and I view women.

It's a support site geared mainly at a female demographic. It's largely women doing the supporting of other women who post here in desperation, the victims of terrible domestic abuse, and helping them through - and out on the other side of - that situation.

Men are, strange though it may seem to you, not constantly the centre and the sun of human experience.

As I’ve stated in all of my replies, abuse is awful, I do not argue with anyone on that (unless they say abuse is good, but nobody said that)

however this is MUMS net, yes mostly aimed at women, as only women can be mums, and yes it’s amazing that there is this website where women can get support, in all aspects. But that doesn’t mean all men are bad, it’s the same mentality as if for instance somebody posted saying “I’ve been robbed, the person was a black/european/asian male …..” if any of the comments were then racist based on a bad experience with somebody of that race, people would be in uproar, “you can’t say that. Yes robber was …., but you can’t tar every ….. person with the same brush” not the same but my point is that it is comparable, not to tar everyone with the same brush because of bad experiences with xyz

i hope im making sense, this is not a the world revolves around men they can’t do any wrong, and it seems that’s the way it’s being seen

OP posts:

strangewomenlyinginponds · 07/05/2024 20:35

Tanyahawkes · 07/05/2024 20:28

I’ve been wondering what sparked the memes about bears and men. I do get the point of it though, you know a bear will kill you, a man on the other hand you have no idea about (my take it that, might be different to yours of course)

and yes I also understand for women who have had very bad experiences with a man or even in some cases all, or at least a lot. I fully understand hating men if you have no good experiences.
I’m also fully in agreement “don’t make excuses for bad men/bad behaviour “ you can’t put a flower in an arsehole and call it a vase.

i just don’t agree that all situations are black and white abuse, on the basis of one post, however most on here are! I’ll agree with most of you on here that 99.9% of posts are about abuse of one form or another

Show quote history

The point of the bear versus man scenario was that you can hide from a bear, avoid it. It's not actively looking to hunt and kill you and there are measures you can take that generally work to keep it away. They're predictable in their behaviours.

Whereas men aren't, and you don't know if the man will be a predatory rapist and murderer, and since men are responsible for 95+% of all violent crime it's not great odds he'll be a safe bet.

I'd pick the man, but I completely understand why so many women chose the bear.