To think most women on here hate men

I’m sure this thread has moved on (CBA to read it all sorry) but most of the threads on here complaining about men describe men who are abusive or at the least is lazy/entitled. Often the OP seems genuinely confused as to whether abusive behaviour is unreasonable or not. I don’t think MN is to blame that so many men are shit.

Bare in mind women who in happy relationships with decent men are not going to be posting about it and TBH I seriously doubt anyone in a happy relationship will be offering said relationship up for online judgement if the issue really is nothing more than a spat over who empty’s the dishwasher.

Now we even have womensplaining what bullying is and how it should be perceived. What is funny is certain posters usually launch into a tirade against men who date younger women yet say 'I don't hate men'.😂

Mumsnet has had a reputation globally as a place where women seem to take great delight in bullying other women. This is why I compared Mumsnet to my observation of having overarching responsibility in a predominantly female workplace is that women are very good at bullying via implication and manipulation.
Much like Mumsnet.

Are you saying that mental health issues excuse abuse? Are you suggesting that a woman should stay in an abusive situation if her partner is mentally ill
And here we go! NO It is not what I'm saying!

Sorry but it drives me mad how some posters read things to see others supporting male abuse -as if- because they are looking for it, or they know it's not what the poster meant but get a kick from trying to get them to rise to the bait to then accusing them of being unpleasant.

I don't see posters making such conclusions. I do often see them stating that they see red flags based on their own experiences and reality.

Women on this site are usually very quick to state if they feel a woman has posted unfairly about a man. Again, you need to show specific examples.

And women must, of course, be free to express themselves as they choose, without being tone policed. This is one of the few sites where that is not moderated out of existence.

These are your perceptions, but they are not borne out by the posts I have read.

You are seeing these posts through the filter of your own implicit bias.

We all have them, our biases shape our perception of the world.

I too was once biased in favour of men, but age and experience has taught me to be more balanced, though I am still sometimes unfairly biased against women.

Are you saying that mental health issues excuse abuse? Are you suggesting that a woman should stay in an abusive situation if her partner is mentally ill?

I would never tell anybody, male or female, to endanger themselves in such a way. Nobody is another person's support animal.

You would have to give links to specific examples, I have never seen this trend you mentioned.

However, perhaps if there are different responses to male versus female situations, it might be because women are, provably, demonstrably and irrefutably at far greater risk of death and physical harm from men than men are from women.

However, I have never seen anyone tell anyone on Mumsnet to put up with abuse or seem them ridiculed for expressing concern over abuse, regardless of whether they are male or female and regardless of mental health conditions.

And surely people are allowed to feel empathy towards those they empathise with. Are you now saying that women aren't allowed to empathise with other women on a women's site in case they upset men?

Nobody has the power to shut anyone down here. The point was well made that if you have a decent argument, it stands for itself.

Your personal perceptions aside, the majority of posters here do not hate men and do not believe that this site shows much misandry.

Those votes were anonymous and nobody was silenced.

From what I see most women on here have a male partner so can't agree they all hate men, atall.

But the kind of post you describe is often - great relationship, we can't see eye to eye, reveals something DP has done that is quite worrying

@5128gap, I see your point.

I interpreted the OP's intention on this thread to focus on 'gentle' threads where the poster just has an argument or disagreement with her partner and these turning into men are bad, ditch the jerk.

This is very different to debate about women's rights in society through history which this thread has seemed to turn into.

I do believe there is a discussion to be had about whether as a site, we are doing posters a favour by being so quick to conclude that what appears to be basically a disagreement amounts to male abuse of some sort and assumptions that it can only be the man in this instance at fault.

I think it would be more helpful to provide wider advice on trying to understand what triggered the argument in the first place and how both the partner and the poster can make change to avoid another similar argument.

Yes, O do agree that some posts do raise alarm in relation to safeguarding, but I don't think that's anywhere near the majority.

I think the feminist issues arouse strong responses because this is probably the only main stream site that is woman centred, where women can speak of their experiences of sexism and misogyny and sense check their relationship issues with other women. Given that, it's a bit frustrating when people insist on interrupting that to defend men (they don't need defending from MN, most barely register it exists much less care for our views) and try to force men's interests front and centre. Then there's a particular style, usually belittling, calling people man haters, or idiots or their points BS without saying why. And those childish posts peppered with silly cry laughing emojis in the midst of serious discussions. I think its understandable people get irritated and they get short shrift.

Alternatively, when you present an opposing viewpoint, they can throw all their toys out of the pram and say "I'm reporting you!"
Yes, that always puzzle me. That would also falls under what I put under the reference of 'power'.

I'm sorry, but I genuinely don't understand what you mean about power?
I mean power to try to shut down the ones talking for the minority.

This statement that has been repeated over and over and used to want to shut down the discussion.
Yes, I do completely agree that the original assertion has been proven repeatedly to be incorrect

One trend that I gave felt is the disparity in the compassion towards female and male mental health.

If a female poster says that she's suffering from depression and anxiety and describe a situation when her partner has shown a lack of patience or irritation, the majority of responses reflect empathy for the poster writing that her partner is selfish and unkind.

However, when a female poster says that her partner is suffering from mental health issue causing him to be difficult, the response is mainly that mental health problem doesn't excuse poor behaviour and that the sympathy is with the poster.

There is a strong bias of empathy towards posters' feelings, so it can be pit down to this to some extent, but it goes beyond that and an overall perception that men should manage and control their mental health issues to not impose on their female partners whilst female with MH problems should be understood and supported overall.

@WalrusOfLove I think the focus on finances by some women is definitely linked to the vulnerabilities they will face if they have children. There's so much research out there about how damaging maternity leave etc can still be to a woman's earning potential, plus add in either the vulnerable position that being a SAHM can put women in or conversely, the huge amount of money childcare costs if she decides to return to work, then I think it's a case of sensibly focusing on self-preservation.

Interestingly, in my friendship group, the vast majority of my friends have chosen to remain childfree, and none of them are married. They are in LTR but their choice of partner was not necessarily focused on finances but on shared values, as a lot of them spend a lot of time travelling etc. And actually, all of my female friends have their own assets-we are big on talking about finances and investments 😁

@vivainsomnia Alternatively, when you present an opposing viewpoint, they can throw all their toys out of the pram and say "I'm reporting you!"

I am fairly new here but my impression is that people from all walks of life seem to post here and it seems a well represented breadth of opinions. I have been on some other forums that are way more of the echo chamber variety, whereas MN is thriving in comparison.

AIBU definitely has its own tone though and that’s with any subject that comes up - people can be very direct and do not mince their words in telling you exactly what they think, including insulting posters and accusing them of being “drama Ilamas” etc. But I have already noticed that if you go to the quieter sub forums there is more patience and nuance in the responses. So there is something for everyone.

It’s a good thing to expose your thoughts and arguments to test them out. And it’s good for people to disagree with you and argue back. It doesn’t mean they are shutting you down when they do this. I have changed my minds on a few things using that type of discourse.

Its not as bad as you make out.

I'm sorry, but I genuinely don't understand what you mean about power? This is a forum of anonymous strangers talking from behind screens, there is no hierarchy as we are all no more or less than who we chose to say we are, and are no more powerful than our words on the screen. Yes, you will come across people who name call and insult, but that's not power, it can just be ignored. The only real power i see comes from the strength of argument.

No one is forced to participate in any discussion, but to come on to threads, drop your sound bite then retreat complaining of bullying when people put forward a counter argument isn't what debate is about
I have posted here already. I related to what is as closed to a fact as can be with 'there are two sides to a story', but passionate posters are not interested in such debate.

Much interested in using a discussion about whether some posters are too quick to conclude that the men described in posts are bad and need leaving or punishing, to jump into discussions about the abuse of men daring from 100 years ago, citing rapes, all that have absolutely nothing to do with the situation stared in the threads that are the subject of the initial discussion.

That's partly because people don't post on this site to tell everyone How wonderful things are so you're only seeing the worst.

If you have a sufficiently compelling argument it simply isn't possible for you to be shut down by the way people with opposing views express themselves
Haha, good try! Would be lovely if that applied in reality. Sadly, manipulation by power and fueling on it is very much a thing.

I have used the word 'bully'. There is a lot of bullying on MN. It's the subtile use of words, getting more and more insulting post by post, again fueling on the posts by others.

It's there defending a number of 'ism', but feminism always seem to attract the strongest responses.

This is well articulated.

@strangewomenlyinginponds Who used the word "bullying?" @vivainsomnia didn't?!
That's very revealing.
But I shall take her advice. This is futile.

If you have a sufficiently compelling argument it simply isn't possible for you to be shut down by the way people with opposing views express themselves. Because your point would be made and people would see its value for themselves, assuming it had one. I've been called names, including 'stupid' on here, but if im confident of my position, its water off a ducks back.
So, I'm sorry, but along with 'I've got better things to do' and 'it's futile', accusing people of silencing you, so it's smart not to engage, just comes across as making excuses to retreat from a debate when you have no rebuttal to the points raised. No one is forced to participate in any discussion, but to come on to threads, drop your sound bite then retreat complaining of bullying when people put forward a counter argument isn't what debate is about.

66 percent of anonymous voters disagree.

Nobody has said that no women hate men or that no women on mumsnet hate men. However, the OP's original statement has been thoroughly debunked.

Bullying is an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical and/or social behaviour that intends to cause physical, social and/or psychological harm.

https://bullyingnoway.gov.au/understanding-bullying

Women saying "No, you're wrong" even repeatedly, is not, of course bullying.

Please provide links to examples, thank you.