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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think most women on here hate men

739 replies

Tanyahawkes · 07/05/2024 18:45

Sorry for the rant but I’m noticing a pattern on mn, any post involving a man and a disagreement results in multiple calls of he’s a narcissist, he’s abusing, he’s controlling, leave the bastard!

I’ll admit that a list of posts do involve behaviour that is not nice from dh and dp. So many posts also can be interpreted in many ways too, I just feel like a large number of women jump to the worst conclusion first about a strangers partner, having only one side of a story told in a short version.

for anyone misunderstanding me, if a post says the partner is hurting physically, calling names, cheating, putting the op down, then yes I agree, ltb (so long as the post is true) it’s when a post says “great relationship, today partner upset me and we couldn’t see eye to eye” and everyone calls the poor guy a narcissist etc

OP posts:
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SerafinasGoose · 08/05/2024 21:46

Tanyahawkes · 08/05/2024 21:41

Are you aware of how you just said that everyone is entitled to an opinion, yet you also state that we are not entitled to be told we are wrong. Yet how many people on here have told me my opinion is wrong? I say this is my opinion, so many people tell me my opinion is worthless, wrong, I’m stupid, I’m a man. This behaviour is wrong, your opinion is not, my opinion is not, they just differ. And yes it’s perfectly acceptable to explain why your opinion is right, the same as it’s acceptable for me to do the same, what’s not acceptable is grown adults name calling, belittling others views and then saying “you are not entitled to give your opinion on a public forum, it is the wrong opinion”

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you also state that we are not entitled to be told we are wrong

What I in fact stated was

We are not entitled not to be told we're wrong.

Kinell. It's like breaking rocks.

'I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant'.

You're having a giraffe, OP. I'm now convinced of it. This would be endlessly entertaining, only you're not really very good at it.

NonPlayerCharacter · 08/05/2024 21:45

Tanyahawkes · 08/05/2024 21:43

So by your own account you have not told me my opinion is wrong at all?

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Where on earth have you got that from? Of course I've told you your opinion is wrong. You think I agree with the stuff you've been saying?

Sofiabella · 08/05/2024 21:44

Oh god yes 🤣
Someone will post something about their partner being a bit snappy or something and the next ten posts are advice to "get their ducks in a row" "start stashing money away" "access free legal advice" and all sorts of dramatics.

Original poster
Tanyahawkes · 08/05/2024 21:43

NonPlayerCharacter · 08/05/2024 21:42

Absolutely nobody has said that you aren't entitled to an opinion. But if an opinion is not fact, why should people not be allowed to say that it is wrong?

But once someone's justification of their opinion has been reduced to "well I'm allowed to say it", it's game, set and match, really.

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So by your own account you have not told me my opinion is wrong at all?

OP posts:
NonPlayerCharacter · 08/05/2024 21:42

Tanyahawkes · 08/05/2024 21:35

Surely you do realise your own opinions are not fact, I mean, come on! Everybody is entitled to an opinion of their own, this is again, my opinion, your OPINION is different. The thing is, I respect your right to your opinion, I’m even willing to discuss this nicely, yet you are still just proudly stating that I’m not entitled to my own opinion

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Absolutely nobody has said that you aren't entitled to an opinion. But if an opinion is not fact, why should people not be allowed to say that it is wrong?

But once someone's justification of their opinion has been reduced to "well I'm allowed to say it", it's game, set and match, really.

Original poster
Tanyahawkes · 08/05/2024 21:41

SerafinasGoose · 08/05/2024 21:34

No, we're not. We are entitled to our opinion (although an unsubstantiated opinion is pretty worthless and others will judge accordingly).

We are not entitled not to be told we're wrong. If you put your opinions out in the world for public viewing then you immediately open yourself up to public disagreement.

Are you aware of how discussion forums work?

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Are you aware of how you just said that everyone is entitled to an opinion, yet you also state that we are not entitled to be told we are wrong. Yet how many people on here have told me my opinion is wrong? I say this is my opinion, so many people tell me my opinion is worthless, wrong, I’m stupid, I’m a man. This behaviour is wrong, your opinion is not, my opinion is not, they just differ. And yes it’s perfectly acceptable to explain why your opinion is right, the same as it’s acceptable for me to do the same, what’s not acceptable is grown adults name calling, belittling others views and then saying “you are not entitled to give your opinion on a public forum, it is the wrong opinion”

OP posts:
Original poster
Tanyahawkes · 08/05/2024 21:35

NonPlayerCharacter · 08/05/2024 21:15

Why do you think you are entitled not to be told that your opinion is wrong?

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Surely you do realise your own opinions are not fact, I mean, come on! Everybody is entitled to an opinion of their own, this is again, my opinion, your OPINION is different. The thing is, I respect your right to your opinion, I’m even willing to discuss this nicely, yet you are still just proudly stating that I’m not entitled to my own opinion

OP posts:
SerafinasGoose · 08/05/2024 21:34

Tanyahawkes · 08/05/2024 21:10

This is your opinion and of course a lot of other people, however I haven’t populated that vote of over 150 people voted they agree with my opinion, we all have opinions and we are all entitled to have our own opinion without being told it is wrong

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No, we're not. We are entitled to our opinion (although an unsubstantiated opinion is pretty worthless and others will judge accordingly).

We are not entitled not to be told we're wrong. If you put your opinions out in the world for public viewing then you immediately open yourself up to public disagreement.

Are you aware of how discussion forums work?

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/05/2024 21:20

we are all entitled to have our own opinion without being told it is wrong

Yeah, no.

NonPlayerCharacter · 08/05/2024 21:15

Tanyahawkes · 08/05/2024 21:10

This is your opinion and of course a lot of other people, however I haven’t populated that vote of over 150 people voted they agree with my opinion, we all have opinions and we are all entitled to have our own opinion without being told it is wrong

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Why do you think you are entitled not to be told that your opinion is wrong?

ToveJanssonsWife · 08/05/2024 21:13

CoralReader · 08/05/2024 21:00

No but when someone tries to point out a reasonably annoying thing women do they are called misogynistic

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But the thing they’re trying to call a reasonably annoying thing that women do is calling out crappy male behaviour, which is a misogynistic thing to do. I mean call a spade a spade…

Women calling out male behaviour is not the problem. The male behaviour is the issue. Maybe if this was understood and more men supported this rather than get wasps up their arses about it then us pesky men haters wouldn’t have to point it out with such alarming regularity.

Original poster
Tanyahawkes · 08/05/2024 21:10

WilliamButt · 08/05/2024 20:49

I agree that it's full of step mum haters, transphobia and even MIL haters. Just not really man haters. Soz if that offends you.

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This is your opinion and of course a lot of other people, however I haven’t populated that vote of over 150 people voted they agree with my opinion, we all have opinions and we are all entitled to have our own opinion without being told it is wrong

OP posts:
CoralReader · 08/05/2024 21:00

That’s what I was referring to

CoralReader · 08/05/2024 21:00

ToveJanssonsWife · 08/05/2024 19:59

A response to a thread title saying we’re all man haters because we say LTB when a man in a scenario is being a dick.

Clearly there are posters here that think it’s worse for women to call out poor behaviour than the poor behaviour itself.

RULES OF MISOGYNY. So relevant here.

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No but when someone tries to point out a reasonably annoying thing women do they are called misogynistic

WilliamButt · 08/05/2024 20:49

HospitalStayNHS · 08/05/2024 20:24

@WilliamButt do give it up! There’s loads. That’s like saying there’s no step mum haters, or MN doesn’t have any transphobia!

I agree that it's full of step mum haters, transphobia and even MIL haters. Just not really man haters. Soz if that offends you.

WilliamButt · 08/05/2024 20:47

Tanyahawkes · 08/05/2024 20:28

I’ve linked 2, however some people with a different interpretation of these posts have done nothing but tell me I have no right to an opinion, I’m not saying it’s a black and white thing of comments, just a general vibe that comes across

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Yeah they just aren't very good examples of the point you are trying to make.

And the fact that you agree with the distinguished social commentator, who is almost certainly a man, says it all really.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/05/2024 20:46

Moreorlessmentallystable · 08/05/2024 19:20

You know what pisses me up? That new argument about who would you rather be alone in the woods with, a bear or a man, I am sorry, I know there are a lot of men that are scum, but it's the same for women, you can't generalise. There are good men out there that care for and protect their families, men take the shitty jobs no one else would do, in situations of famine, crisis like natural disasters and war most men would try and help and protect women and children. I have a little boy and he is the most caring loving boy , and I am trying to bring him up so that he keeps these qualities after he turns into a man.

https://www.unwomen.org/sites/default/files/Headquarters/Media/Publications/UNIFEM/EVAWkit066FactsheetConflictAndPostConflictten.pdf

Plus Haiti and other places where non-profit workers preyed on local women and girls.

The bear/woman/man thing is a thought experiment. You wouldn't think twice about a strange woman. Most people, including men, would think for at least a millisecond longer if it was their 13 yo daughter in the woods with a strange man. And wouldn't want either. A woman, they'd actively want to be there.

Original poster
Tanyahawkes · 08/05/2024 20:28

WilliamButt · 08/05/2024 20:21

Can you point to some actually examples of posts? I read loads of Mumsnet posts and I have never noticed the pattern you are describing. I do see lots of examples of men genuinely being cunts though.

I’ve linked 2, however some people with a different interpretation of these posts have done nothing but tell me I have no right to an opinion, I’m not saying it’s a black and white thing of comments, just a general vibe that comes across

OP posts:
HospitalStayNHS · 08/05/2024 20:24

@WilliamButt do give it up! There’s loads. That’s like saying there’s no step mum haters, or MN doesn’t have any transphobia!

WilliamButt · 08/05/2024 20:21

Can you point to some actually examples of posts? I read loads of Mumsnet posts and I have never noticed the pattern you are describing. I do see lots of examples of men genuinely being cunts though.

ToveJanssonsWife · 08/05/2024 19:59

CoralReader · 08/05/2024 19:55

However essentially everything on this post is saying how bad men are?

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A response to a thread title saying we’re all man haters because we say LTB when a man in a scenario is being a dick.

Clearly there are posters here that think it’s worse for women to call out poor behaviour than the poor behaviour itself.

RULES OF MISOGYNY. So relevant here.

CoralReader · 08/05/2024 19:55

ToveJanssonsWife · 08/05/2024 19:35

Most mothers I know work part time.

If some couples have an arrangement where the wife is at home all day it’s entirely up to them. If it works for them, fine. If it doesn’t it needs to be changed. That’s not really the point of the thread at all though, it’s a timely distraction to really drive home how awful women are.

However essentially everything on this post is saying how bad men are?

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 08/05/2024 19:38

Cinai · 08/05/2024 14:58

I do agree…I see the advice being very different, depending on whether it’s a man or a woman that did something. I get it that this is primarily a support group for women and it has its value as a site to vent to other women, but it also becomes an echo chamber and I think it’s almost impossible to get a balanced view on a relationship issue.

You've hit the nail firmly and squarely on its head!!

At times, the comments by misandrists are just plain nasty, with no ifs, not buts and unwarranted. However, at times, they can be appropriate but not most of the time.

Even females turning on females at times is horrendous

However, I guess it is a place for letting off steam

At times, when someone defends a male, they are called misogynistic when cleary they are not.

Having stated the above, these are helpful and interesting forums

ToveJanssonsWife · 08/05/2024 19:35

Most mothers I know work part time.

If some couples have an arrangement where the wife is at home all day it’s entirely up to them. If it works for them, fine. If it doesn’t it needs to be changed. That’s not really the point of the thread at all though, it’s a timely distraction to really drive home how awful women are.