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Original poster

Reasonable to expect a surgeon to do this?

408 replies

Beeturpot · 07/05/2024 14:36

ex dh is a surgeon. He became a consultant after we separated. I did all drop offs etc and was called in all emergencies and if dc needed collecting etc. He said he couldn’t leave if in work as it wasn’t the sort of job that allowed it.

I have recently been promoted. I’m feeling resentful that I am doing all the running around for dc. They live with me. Is he right that this is too difficult for him? He claims to start work by 8am and often leaves late. I don’t know anyone in his area of work and i don’t know if he’s taking the piss. He does do his share at weekends. Just feeling fed up.

OP posts:
PossiblyNow · 07/05/2024 14:41

Pinksnowstars · 07/05/2024 14:40

i get it, and I understand where you are coming from.

but I work in a hospital, and if the consultant surgeon is in, and in charge, then no, they can’t leave if they are on call, or if they are operating, or if their junior is operating, they must be in the hospital.

That said, ours tend to do a week oncall each, maybe once every 6-8 weeks. Other hospitals probably vary.

This.

Singleandproud · 07/05/2024 14:40

I can't really help, you can't force someone to have their children even if he was making it up but I suspect he is right in terms of not being able to leave mid surgery etc whether or not he could leave after or before the fact I don't know. however, he could outsource his parenting and pay a childminder or nanny on his days so that it doesn't always fall to you. But I don't think anyone would make that happen so you are relying on his good will.

Pinksnowstars · 07/05/2024 14:40

i get it, and I understand where you are coming from.

but I work in a hospital, and if the consultant surgeon is in, and in charge, then no, they can’t leave if they are on call, or if they are operating, or if their junior is operating, they must be in the hospital.

That said, ours tend to do a week oncall each, maybe once every 6-8 weeks. Other hospitals probably vary.

KittyCollar · 07/05/2024 14:40

Misthios · 07/05/2024 14:38

Well it depends doesn't it? If he's up to his arms in a patient in the middle of surgery he can't just drop everything to go and pick up a child from a playdate. Similarly, I'm sure you would get lots of irate posts if a surgeon routinely cut clinics short because of some family emergency, especially when you have waited months for an appointment.

I have friends who both work in these sorts of roles, they have an au pair/nanny.

Exactly! And his salary can easily pay for child care

KittyCollar · 07/05/2024 14:39

If he’s a surgeon/consultant he can’t just bugger off to go up the school can he!

Misthios · 07/05/2024 14:38

Well it depends doesn't it? If he's up to his arms in a patient in the middle of surgery he can't just drop everything to go and pick up a child from a playdate. Similarly, I'm sure you would get lots of irate posts if a surgeon routinely cut clinics short because of some family emergency, especially when you have waited months for an appointment.

I have friends who both work in these sorts of roles, they have an au pair/nanny.

RobBeckettsGiantTeeth · 07/05/2024 14:38

Wait, what? You expect him to leave in the middle of his job to collect your child?
When he's a surgeon?!
Of course he can't do that!

rubyslippers · 07/05/2024 14:38

I think it’s highly likely that a surgeon can’t drop everything to pick up kids etc and start work early
if you’re also more senior you may need to evaluate the current arrangement

how old are your children ?