Am I being mugged off by DP

You must free yourself from this leeching jellyfish of a man!
Leave by stealth, plan it all in advance then go out one day & never return.

This can’t be real?

If it is stop giving him your money right away. Easy - just email your HR at work to pay you into a different account.

Job done.

You can find somewhere else to rent as you have all the money and proof of income. He will not.

Get out xx

This.

Hard to believe this is real as you obviously are able to hold down a job and wrote a coherent post.

You need to seek outside help immediately. You can leave him and be free of his control.

Are you able to delve deeper as to how this had even started to happen? Why did you start giving him your money? You can just stop doing that. You can keep your own wages and make your own choices.

@Maccaj78 does he ever go out?

I agree with everything you say except the stupid bit,you should never call a victim of abuse stupid

Why are you with him?

Open a new bank account. Get your wage paid in there. Pack a bag with all your paperwork and documents. Go to women’s aid/ housing. Leave and never look back.

He's been controlling and taking the mick out of your kind nature for way too long.

You have the power to change it and my advice would be to leave him it'll only get worse

She has all the power here. Her name is not on the tenancy so no financial ties. She can run and he can’t chase her for anything.
She has the salary, he doesn’t. She gets paid and she leaves.

She has ALL the power. And as soon as she leaves, she won’t be paying bills or rent so she could even just rent an airbnb for a few months and immediately has somewhere to go.

Not sure why people are questioning whether this is true or why you're letting it happen- it's a form of domestic abuse, which can erode confidence and isolate you.

OP, Surviving Economic Abuse have loads of good advice: survivingeconomicabuse.org .
Just make sure he can't track any websites you look up/ clear all search history

I can’t believe what I’ve just read!! Lock the bastard out and never ever give him another penny. Let him live on the side of the road. If you can move to another area do so, you need to totally block him and the fact you’ve been putting up with this for so long makes me think you need serious distance from him to stay strong.
And for gods sake don’t get into another relationship until you’ve built up some sense of self value. You need to get your life back on track, please be kind to yourself. I wish you all the best for the future. 💐

This is a really good point, he will have no doubt have isolated you from any support that you had when you first met him. Definitely get back in touch with anybody you can (without him knowing). Even if you can reconnect with somebody who you are far away from, as long as they have a room / sofa for you to sleep on that would be better than staying with him.
You said you work remotely, so you may even want to consider permanently relocating to give yourself some physical distance from him.

I'd go on a "business trip, conference or team building week" a day or two before the next wages are due....

What struck me in your post was that you said you had nowhere to go.
If there are family and friends that you have lost touch with because of him please get in touch with them. Talk to someone at work about it.

I can tell you that if someone was in your position and reached out for help I would do everything I could, immediately. Regardless of how long it had been.

You are not alone, he has just made you feel like you are. And he can fuck right off.

Stay strong, you can get out of this and you have some brilliant advice here.

My advice is to sort your priorities out. When you left last time and he blackmailed you into returning because he had your work laptop, why did you return? That laptop doesn't belong to you, it belongs to your employer and if one of my employees explained the situation i would happily get them a new laptop and deal with this cretin myself. A quick call to the police to report him for theft would have it sorted quickly.

You just need to get your basics together and have them stored elsewhere. Sort your financials out as suggested previously and then leave him.

He will sink quickly. Do not engage with him. Once you have gone do not let him have a voice. Good luck and enjoy being rid of the parasite.

How long were you together when he moved in, bet it was within a year so he could sponge off you. As soon as I find a man has no job I get up and walk off, I'd never date a lazy bastard.

How does it work when he ‘takes’ your wages? Do you transfer the money to his account? The whole lot? And he pays the bills? It’s such an unusual set up that I am trying to imagine what happens. What would happen if you said, I am keeping half my wages this month?

I think you can easily escape if you make a plan eg stay with someone until you get a houseshare or something if you can’t afford a rental yet. Do you have friends or family who could support you? Or accompany you when you collect your belongings and physically leave?

Just go! He just sleep. So when he is asleep, you pack the things you absolutely need and you go.

You’re not married and the tenancy is in his name. You can just leave and nothing comes back on you.

A friend or relative will take you in. You have a good salary so you’ll get a rental yourself. Just go when he is asleep, block him on everything. Everything. Don’t communicate with him again.

Get some help, take your laptop and go. Possessions can be replaced. Open up a new bank account and get your wages paid into it. Lucky the house is in his name he can find next months rent. Find a Airbnb.

Please call Women's Aid. I know you said a refuge didn't work last time but you can't stay in this situation. Make an excuse to leave the house if necessary to call them.
Contact the police, coercive control such as this is a criminal offence because it is abusive behaviour. They will listen.
Visit a bank, ask to speak to someone in confidence & open an account in your name only. Inform your employer's wages section of the details & tell them to pay your wages into it as soon as possible.
Change all passwords on your accounts, social media etc. Open a new, separate email account & have correspondence sent to it.
Confide in a trusted friend.
I know it's not easy, it's frightening & mentally draining but you deserve much more. of a life than this. Ask Women's Aid about the Freedom Programme.
He will no doubt threaten all sorts including harming himself, report all instances to the police. His mental health is not your responsibility & isn't an excuse to be abusive or bone idle. He's gaslighting you on top of everything else. 💐

Well you're trapped in an abusive relationship, but I think you are seeing that now, which is the first step to escape. You not being on the tenancy agreement is fantastic. You can move out.

Do you have any friends locally who you can trust to keep a secret and would store stuff for you? Is your job one where you would plausibly have to go into an office one day a week? You need to start sneaking stuff out of the house. If your job is the sort you can do from anywhere, then aim to move quite a distance from him. Get the the absolute essentials out of the house and just go. Don't tell him anything, just walk away and don't give him any means of contacting you.

Is there anyone you can stay with? Any friends or family at all who could put you up short term? It sounds like you earn enough to cover rent by yourself, you just need to get a deposit together so need somewhere to stay while you're doing that.

From your updates:

great you have no children together, you can just walk away.

do you have a passport or birth certificate? Next time you leave the house put them in your bra etc and take them elsewhere.

leave them with a friend or family memeber, or walk into your local women’s aid charity shop. I am sure they would understand.

the previous poster who said tell work, is correct. Arrange a meeting you need to leave the house for with the laptop and in the laptop bag hide anything you want to take.

alternatively call the police. When they arrive state you are being abused and need to leave. Use them then and there to pack up a bag and leave with your possessions. State you are being kept there against your will. Your partner will not be able to stop you leaving with them present and they can give you info/make a domestic abuse referral.

you are being financially abused and that is a crime never mind the emotional abuse etc.

call the police if there is no other option you can take. There is help out there and you aren’t responsible for him

I'm so shocked and saddened by this. I hoped it wasn't real but I'm assuming it is. What a truly awful inhumane man.

Good things: no children, no joint property and you have a good job/income.

Do you get to leave the house at all? Can you smuggle out any valuables/irreplaceable items to store at a friend's house or storage locker? Then next payday just pick up your laptop and phone and walk out, get an air bnb while you set yourself up with somewhere to live.

Does your employer have a physical office? Could you go there "for meetings" and leave some stuff there? Does your employer have an employee assistance programme and/or a sympathetic HR department? You need all the help you can get after 14 years of being gaslit.

Is he abusive in other ways ie violent? Your safety is paramount.

I think you need to make a careful plan. It's great you aren't on the tenancy. Do you have a friend you can trust and start squirrelling out documents etc? If you could set up a place to live without his knowledge would that help you feel more secure?

I'm sorry you were let down by the police before.

LTB!