Am I being mugged off by DP

Stop giving him your money. He is controlling and financially abusing you. If the tenancy is in his name, get your stuff together and leave. Stay with a friend, book an Airbnb, go to family - just get away from him. Get advice from CAB, Women's Aid, if you're not sure of your rights. Please OP don't stay and put up with this another minute.

Yes it's horrible for OP

Set up a new bank account and start having your salary paid into it.

Is your name on this bank account? If it is, empty it and go when you are ready.

WomensAid may be able to help you find temporary accommodation if family and friends can’t put you up for a bit.

❤️

Would you choose to work if you could find a gig like this

Is this for real? why does he not work?

Please be careful.

Leaving is a dangerous time.

Consider making a safety plan with your local domestic abuse charity.

He is committing a criminal offense. Would you talk with the police? Even to get a restraining order as I don't imagine his "meal ticket" leaving is going to go down well.

Take care x

You are not being ‘mugged off’ but you are being abused. You need to get out if
there somehow, with your work laptop. Do you have family that are aware? Would they put you up? You need to get out of there, you only have one life and you’re currently spending it supporting this total arsehole so he can do naff all!

You are not being "mugged off", you are being emotionally and financially abused.

This is serious financial abuse which you are being subjected to OP, to refer to it as being 'mugged off' is a massive understatement. This man's treatment of you is just grotesque.

You need rl help and support. I urge you to get it from all the sources which have been suggested on here - Womens Aid, your employer, friends & family. Financial abuse is recognised as a criminal offence so you can also contact the police on this. You need to leave him and do whatever it takes to get away from him. I think you will thrive when you do.

When I had to flee a coersive/abusive relationship my work was amazing. (He also worked there). They worked out what was going on and kept him in work one day so I could go home (house in his name only), pack my stuff up (did have help) and go.
Admit it was an easier situation as it hadn't been as long, I had support and somewhere to go.
You can do this.......

Gradually move stuff out the house, by stealth.

Gather paperwork, birth certificates and passport, bank account info.

Let work know you are looking at leaving and if they can offer help.

Inform the police that you are sorting an evacuation plan, so that are aware and can place a marker on your address if things go wrong.

Speak to a manager as suggested. Get documents and your items together, put them in your handbag, and say you’ve been called into the office for a meeting. Contact a letting agent. Do you have any family?

Translation - I'm a clueless twat who knows fuck all about abuse and what it does to the victim.

You do not ever call a victim of long time financial, coercive, controlling abuse "stupid".

Can I remind people that OP is NOT stupid and the reason she has "put up" with this is because she's isolated and has spent 14 years in a controlling, abusive relationship. If you haven't experienced anything like this (and I hope you haven't), then you haven't got a clue. There are some really unhelpful and shitty posts here.

Why on earth do you put up with this? Why on earth did you ever put up with it? I am honestly at a loss to understand.

What sort of company do you work for OP? Many companies (the one I work for included) will be able to support you.

Long term, it’s very easy for you to leave, everything is in his name and you are the earner.

Immediate term is more difficult as you WFH and he is there all the time. You need to try and find someone IRL who can help you. Whether that is someone in HR, a friend, a neighbour. You need help to make that first leap with somewhere short term lined up to live and your wages paid into your own account.

OP,

I am so sorry this is happening to you. It is a nightmare. Has he ever been violent?

Even if the answer is ‘no’ I think you need to protect yourself physically as you prepare to move, and then move. People at work may be happy to help - I certainly would. Just having someone with you will help.

If he removes your laptop, report him to your employer and the police. If he removes your other possessions, straight to the police. You should be reporting him for financial and psychological abuse anyway, but I know that is very difficult. It is much easier to go to your employer, Women’s Aid, etc. Please know you are not alone

I'm a remote employer and if you were in one of my teams I would work with you, and get a second set of kit sent to an alternative address so you could literally walk out the house and continue to work. I'd also discuss you taking some time off to help you get set up.

We'd happily write off a set of kit if it meant you were able to get out this situation, and support you so you could carry on working so you kept your wage going in.

Please talk to a trusted manager. 🙏

Put your wages in your own bank account, and go straight to a lettings agency and get a private rent with it.

Also call women's aid and IDAS

Start to smuggle your stuff out of the house - can a friend or family member hold it for you? , you aren't on the tenancy so you can leave at any point- I would contact women's aid - they may be able to get you to a refuge. If you have removed the important stuff you can plan your exit before pay day and leave without handing the next month's pay over?

Is there anyone at work that can support you?

My work will pay for up to a month in a hotel for these scenarios.

You could say your laptop needs to go in for a repair and then leave the next day.

I can hardly believe this is real. How on earth have you ended up in this situation?!

What's your housing situation, rented/owned, your name/joint names?

You don’t need things, your work can replace a laptop if it gets lost or broken. Please leave, you’re in a horrible situation and it will only get worse.