Am I being mugged off by DP

And in doing so potentially cast down someone desperate for help, or discourage someone else in desperate straits from coming forward.

We shall see

Then unfortunately@CarryOnCharon you aren't as worldly wise as you think. Sad but true, the most appalling things go on behind closed doors.

Very much neither.

But this sounds unlikely

How naive or inexperienced in life are you? In the past I have hidden a mother and child in my home for three months who were subject to the most life threatening abuse in a very des res village. The police concurred their lives were in danger.

There are sadly far too many people who cannot imagine any other lives beyond their own insular, sheltered existence, which makes it even more difficult for these people to reach out for help.

OP can you give a vague idea of where you are? Someone nearby may be able to offer some support. I would if I could.

Starling bank account is very easy to open online. I hope you get yourself away very soon.

It can’t really be true though..?

To you, and everyone else who has taken this attitude, or thought this thread jokeworthy:

Abusers are not abusive from day one. If they were, no one would go anywhere near them.

Open a new bank account online and ask your finance department to redirect your wages to it.
Once your first wage comes in to it then leave with the help of women's aid or similar.
Let work HR know your situation so if he does seize your laptop they can step in and replace for you whilst remotely locking your device.

You say you have no one. Is it possible you have family or old friends who are desperately hoping you break free from him and who might offer help? You need to find a safe place and over the rest of the month slowly move the most important things there. Speak to your company and see if you can work from an office a couple days a week. Speak to your local woman's aid, they are brilliant. I left a similar man with 2 small kids in tow. One day we just didn't go 'home'. I'd spent weeks slowly moving things out. If I did it then so can you. It's so so difficult but so completely worth it.

This is abusive coercive behaviour Including financial abuse. This is now the law ,as under domestic abuse. If you went to the police with this evidence he could b charged! What do you want to happen? Do u want to leave him? Or do you want to stay with him that seems unclear. How does he take Yr wages? Could u not hv them put Into Yr own bank account ? If you don't hv one u could get one. But u need to decide what you want to do. U hv my sympathies. Am wondering what do you want to happen best wishes

Or else as others have said move your things out slowly but surely, change your wages to be paid into a new account and just be gone. If he harasses you get the police involved. Make the changes to your life today and you will be so much happier, will have money and take a holiday and just relax as you deserve it. Do not look back as he has shown you who he is.

Dump him, get legal advise and get the abuser out of your life. You will have peace of mind, your own money to spend and a peaceful home. He is a waste of space to be honest and you need to talk to Women's Aid who will advise you also and give you support. Tell your family/friends also and have someone there when you pack up all his crap you paid for and put it on the doorstep outside. Time to regain control of your life as he is adding nothing to it.

She didn't fucking do this to herself HE DID! Stop being a victim blaming aresbag and have a bloody word with yourself!

YABU for even questioning it - even the living off your earnings & doing nothing, he's a massive CF - even without the concealed shopaholic tendancies

People need to just stop being so awful to Op, she isn't allowing this to happen, she is being abused, coerced and controlled, you have no idea what her life is like, what he is like when pushed.

Give her helpful advice to get out this situation or don't bother posting

How can people be so nasty on here

This!

I voted yabu because you're allowing this to be happen.

You are not being mugged off!!

You need to get another job so you can give him more money. Stop being so stingy.

And show more patience. Do you want him to leave you for another donkey?

This is one of the saddest things I've read on here in a while. Go into a police station tomorrow and ask for help removing him. Please don't live like this, you are wasting your one and only life.

What he hasn’t worked in 14 years and you have totally supported him throughout. Come on op where do you think he is getting his money from.And you hand your money over to him.
What is wrong with you get shut of him.
What are your circumstances I take it you are in rented.
Find out how fast you can give notice.

FFS. Why do women do this to themselves? Get some bloody self respect and throw the dickhead out. Then get therapy.

You need to go and you need to go now. This man is an abusive bastard. You think he loves you but he doesn't, he is making an absolute fool out of you. Phone someone you trust and get help. Do not let him know you are leaving until you are away and safe.

Open another account. Tell your work to pay wages into there. The day you get your wages pack a suitcase and go stay in a hotel.and change your number. Cancel all direct debits that aren't your responsibility any more and don't look back. Tell work they are not to give him any info.

Do not tell him your plans. I bet he wouldn't even notice until he needs something. So very calmly on wages day. Pack a large bag with necessities. Pick up your laptop and walk out the door.