Am I being mugged off by DP

Really hope you're ok OP, well done and very best wishes for the future. Lots of fabulous advice on here xx

Oh my goodness, well done for getting away. You must be feeling all over the place but you have done the right thing - please don't go back to him.

Your update was terrifying. He broke your arm on a previous occasion??? He is dangerous.

You mentioned you have a daughter. By getting out of this awful relationship you are setting her a good example. You have lost your home, yes, but your new home will be somewhere you will feel safe and (in time) happy.

Are you away and safe, Op?

So pleased you've left and that he's now in custody. Such a sleazebag!

Good luck, hope you get all the help you need.Even uf you are afraid you will be free keep going.

It's difficult to do so, but try and remain positive .... the tenancy is in his name so you have no ties to him or your property.

Be strong. You can do this!

Are you safe this morning? Please let us know if everything is ok

Financial slavery. You need to do that Freedom program mentioned many times on mumsnet. Please save yourself

Yes how are you doing @Maccaj78?
Hope you’re safe now x

How are you this morning @Maccaj78 ?

@PinkyFlamingo i think she means in kink terms, most people in DV relationships don’t describe themselves as submissive

You say you have always been submissive, why?

@Maccaj78 You said you are in essex. Plsase look at the below. I know you don't have children at home, but they will still help or put you in the right direction.

Where does your daughter live? Woth your ex partner? Can he help you at all?

https://essexfamilywellbeing.co.uk/safeguarding/domestic-abuse/#:~:text=Your%20Family%20Hub%20Team%20will,Essex%20Tel%3A%200300%20247%200015

Your Family Hub Team will also be able to support you and your children if you are suffering from domestic abuse.

You can contact your local Team on:

Mid Essex Tel: 0300 247 0014
North Essex Tel: 0300 247 0015
South Essex Tel: 0300 247 0013
West Essex Tel: 0300 247 0122

I would be using the time he is in custody to pack things up and leave now @Maccaj78

This is exactly the sort of thing I would take a credit card out for and use as an emergency

Is there someone at work you can confide in who might be able to offer help/support.

A friend you can stay with until next wages.

Please open another account online. Even if its just a monzo one and tell your employer straight away to use those details. Have the card delivered to another address.

If the tenancy is on his name, just go as soon as you can and don't look back. Easy to say, not that easy to do. Do you have a real life support network? Family, friends, etc? If yes, don't hesitate to leave.

OP I am glad he is in custody, do you have some money and means to get out and stay elsewhere? Any friends or family you can let know you need help and get whatever precious things you have out of the house? The police can go with you if you’re concerned about your ex. You have done brilliantly to go to the police, I hope you’re safe.

Does he ever leave the house? Can you organise to sneak your stuff out? If you aren’t on the tenancy, you can just leave. Take as much as you can, you can call the police to remove your stuff, better to get out and leave some stuff, this is no life for you.

So glad you have left OP.

How have you been giving him the money?

If it’s a standing order cancel that asap.

You should be thrilled. I know it's scary but you're free.

What’s he in custody for? Where are you now if it’s his house?

OP, you know you are. I’d be biding my time, giving notice on any contracts this week and leaving shortly before the next pay day. Unless you have a history of being terrible with money and have asked him to help you budget/manage, this should not be happening

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/ enrol on yje freedom programme to help you put boundaries in place. There are both on-line and person sessions.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

Clear your search history on your Internet browser. It's great that you have reported the abuse to the police and seeking advice. Now write down all the abusive incidents and hand it to the police. If you find it hard to talk or remember everything just type it up and email it to whoever is handling your case.

Everyone who has said why have you put up with this just doesn't know how it is living in this situation I was in a very similar situation alcoholic ex took my money and had control over everything and isolated me lots loads of friends to
I even left and went back because of the classic oh ill change

One day I couldn't take anymore and up and left after fanatically packing he went shopping and I legged it I put up with his abuse for 15 years and it has mentally hurt me

I'm so glad you don't have children together op you are a incredibly strong person you deserve better and you do have the strength to leave for good no matter how much you doubt that I promise you I left with no money but still managed it it I truly hope you get out of this awful situation

OP its really important that you cooperate with the police, sign a statement telling them EVERYTHING and then agreeing to go to court for a trial. So many victims drop the cases as they think everything will change but it never does. The police getting involved is your ticket out if there. Plus most of these wankers plead guilty when they see the whites of the victims eye turn up to court.

It wont be easy. He'll try and gaslight you and intimidate you to drop the case. Even though its not your decision as a prosecution can take place anyway its so much better if you find this strength to finally rid yourself of this monster and take it all the way. They can get you restraining orders etc to protect you

You are not leaving your "home" you are leaving a prison. I hope this is the first day of your new freedom and start if the best days if your life 💐

If the tenancy is in his name then you need to leave him to it. On the day that you get paid, leave. Go to a B&B if necessary but get out. He won't be able to afford to stay there without you bankrolling him. That'll be a nasty dose of reality for him to experience. Do not give way to him no matter how much he threatens/cajoles you. Speak to the CAB to find out what you can do.

And sod his mental health issues. He's caused you enough issues himself - he can rot in hell.