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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SiL and friend keep commenting on my age.

215 replies

SpringOnionChicken · 07/05/2024 08:18

I am in a group of friends (some nicer than others!) and one of them keeps commenting on my age. I’m the oldest, and we range from late 40’s to early 50’s. I’m 4 years older than her. She says things like;

Oh, God you’re so old
Not sure I want to hang out with elderly people

Then there is my SiL who constantly refers to the fact I am 5 years older than her. Things like;

You are much older than me
I’m much younger than you
Well, that’s because you are a lot older than me, I’m only 48, and you are 53

This has been going on a long time, and usually I don’t care but recently it’s pissing me off, because I feel they’ve dug deep, had to think long and hard, and this is the only thing they’ve been able to come up with as a stick to prod me with. The friend said it quite maliciously TBH.

Getting down to their level, my SIL has the misfortune of ageing terribly and has had to drop loads of money on cosmetic surgery to fix it. She’s also never run for a bus, and is very unfit. I’ve been asked a few times if my SIL is my DH’s older sister (he’s 5 years older) and if she is older than me. Friend is also not looking so great. Sorry to stoop to their level of year 8 schoolyard.

My age is not an issue to me. I’m grateful I’m fit and healthy and I don’t need any tweakments. I just think these comments are petty, and am thinking of nipping them in the bud with some comebacks.

AIBU? If no, please give me some ideas to shut them up.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpringOnionChicken · 08/05/2024 17:46

I’d wait until she brought it up in a group setting and say “I am older that’s true. At least I’m biodegradable.”

I think we have a winner

OP posts:
GardenGnomeDefender · 08/05/2024 17:33

At least I haven't had to have surgery.
Imagine how you'll look in 5 years!
Do you have enough saved for the procedures?

januaryjan · 08/05/2024 17:26

Respond to any rude comment with 'That's Nice' - (The Irish for 'feck off')

or just tell them to feck off?

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 08/05/2024 17:05

Fraaahnces · 08/05/2024 16:17

I’d wait until she brought it up in a group setting and say “I am older that’s true. At least I’m biodegradable.”

Hahaha Grin

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 08/05/2024 17:02

dinosaurzoo · 08/05/2024 12:38

Could you say something like: "The best thing about being my age is that I couldn't give a fuck".

Succinct!

LuckyRubyShaker · 08/05/2024 17:00

Was it Dorothy Parker who when her friend let her go first saying "Age before beauty" replied "Pearls before swine"?

Lenoftheglen · 08/05/2024 16:42

'Quite SIL, and they say numbers don't lie' then briefly scan her up and down before adding a fake smile.

Or you could just consider them to be tedious, puerile twats and put some distance between you as it is all rather nasty and not said in the spirit of banter. I couldn't spend time with women like this.

theholesinmyapologies · 08/05/2024 16:38

I agree with others responding along the lines of: "I know, right! Everyone I know is always shocked when they find out because they thought you were older than me!"

every time

HoldingOutForSunAndWine · 08/05/2024 16:33

This is so odd.

I go out sometimes with a group of ladies, and our ages are :

65
54 (me)
50
44
32

Age is never mentioned.

SoOriginal · 08/05/2024 16:32

It seems really strange that there are two women in your life that are this rude. Just throwing these insults at you from nowhere?

Im 34 and my sis is 42, she often says ‘women our age…’ shouldn’t wear those, or should be eating better or shouldn’t be running (bad for the knees apparently), but it’s always “women our age”!

Now, I’ve never said anything to Dsis because I don’t really care and I wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings, but we’re not the same age. Perhaps if I was as insecure as your SIL sounds I might be more inclined to correct her.

KomodoOhno · 08/05/2024 16:31

I know! It's crazy I'm so much older and you had to have cosmetic surgery.

Pluviophile1 · 08/05/2024 16:29

Catopia · 08/05/2024 13:56

Bide your time. Get her the worst 50th card you can find.

No, get her the biggest one. Balloons, badges, singing telegram...the lot. Make a massive deal of it. Make a huge show of congratulating her on reaching the big 5- 0! Say that you loved turning 50 and how fabulous it is that now that you're now all in your 50s. Just keep mentioning her being over 50...😉

ButterCrackers · 08/05/2024 16:23

Just say yes I’m older and wiser.
Who cares about age. I think they are thinking about their appearance. It’s a privilege to get older and who cares about the number or wrinkles.

StaunchMomma · 08/05/2024 16:18

Fraaahnces · 08/05/2024 16:17

I’d wait until she brought it up in a group setting and say “I am older that’s true. At least I’m biodegradable.”

😂

Fraaahnces · 08/05/2024 16:17

I’d wait until she brought it up in a group setting and say “I am older that’s true. At least I’m biodegradable.”

StaunchMomma · 08/05/2024 16:17

'We should take one of those 'true age' fitness tests - I bet you'd be about 96!'

Then laugh.

HARD.

azlazee1 · 08/05/2024 16:16

5 years is nothing once you reach adulthood. I would try to comeback with some joke remarks and keep it light.. "5 years and I still look marvelous !" Make being older a positive in your remarks to them.

Tontostitis · 08/05/2024 16:13

Good Lord how rude. Works for me.

MitskiMoo · 08/05/2024 16:10

I'd say, "I know but I've been blessed genetically. Who did your cosmetic surgery if I ever need it too?" I'm a bitch though.

Littlestminnow · 08/05/2024 16:04

Friend: Oh, God you’re so old. Not sure I want to hang out with elderly people

You: Good idea. Cheerio!

nononocontact · 08/05/2024 15:49

I would just say: “Yes, I am so much older than you. I know, I find it hard to believe too when I look so much younger than you!”

ChampagneLassie · 08/05/2024 15:38

with friends/family like these….honestly I can’t imagine a situation in which someone says something like this and her parents / husband back her up! It sounds so bitchy. I aren’t they mortified/pulling her up? If they’re all so rude why worry about offending. Reply with “and yet X/YZ thought you were DH older sister so im clearly winning on the looks front!”
Or a quiet word to say you find it upsetting

Lwrenn · 08/05/2024 15:35

Jumpingoffthefence · 08/05/2024 14:17

Someone three months older than me used to say “when I was your age” all the time. She was in the year above so obviously saw herself as older.

It’s just odd to even mention age unless it’s relevant to planning a specific birthday. The numbers mean very little once you’re in adulthood.

I would find it irritating to the point I’d spend time with less ageist friends.

😂😂😂 that's proper tickled me!

It made me think of the old TV show rugrats, it sounds like something angelica would have said to the babies 😂

Portfun24 · 08/05/2024 15:35

I'd just say "its SUCH ashame ageing scares you so much that you have to constantly refer to my age and turn to botox and whatever else to slow it down but I'm happy, fit and healthy and the comments are really quite tedious now, ageing happens to us all.....if wer lucky. I think you need to analyse your own feelings around ageing rather than projecting them towards me."

Codlingmoths · 08/05/2024 15:30

I think you just take the high road and say yes I am, it’s very freeing to get comfortable with not giving any fucks I don’t want to, you will see when you get here!
its not quite the high road because their arrows will be blunted quite satisfactorily. But it’s enough for me!

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