Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SiL and friend keep commenting on my age.

215 replies

SpringOnionChicken · 07/05/2024 08:18

I am in a group of friends (some nicer than others!) and one of them keeps commenting on my age. I’m the oldest, and we range from late 40’s to early 50’s. I’m 4 years older than her. She says things like;

Oh, God you’re so old
Not sure I want to hang out with elderly people

Then there is my SiL who constantly refers to the fact I am 5 years older than her. Things like;

You are much older than me
I’m much younger than you
Well, that’s because you are a lot older than me, I’m only 48, and you are 53

This has been going on a long time, and usually I don’t care but recently it’s pissing me off, because I feel they’ve dug deep, had to think long and hard, and this is the only thing they’ve been able to come up with as a stick to prod me with. The friend said it quite maliciously TBH.

Getting down to their level, my SIL has the misfortune of ageing terribly and has had to drop loads of money on cosmetic surgery to fix it. She’s also never run for a bus, and is very unfit. I’ve been asked a few times if my SIL is my DH’s older sister (he’s 5 years older) and if she is older than me. Friend is also not looking so great. Sorry to stoop to their level of year 8 schoolyard.

My age is not an issue to me. I’m grateful I’m fit and healthy and I don’t need any tweakments. I just think these comments are petty, and am thinking of nipping them in the bud with some comebacks.

AIBU? If no, please give me some ideas to shut them up.

OP posts:
Feedthatgoat · 08/05/2024 19:39

I would say Oh dear I didnt realise I had aged so much. I wonder if anyone could give me the number of a good cosmetic surgeon. When she gives you the number of her botox person slowly look her up and down and say I dont think I will bother as it doesnt really seem to work, and isnt worth the price. Then change the subject before she has time to get her breath.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 08/05/2024 19:33

I am mid 50s and one of the glorious things about getting older is not caring anymore.
My response would be “the great thing about being my age is realising you no longer give a shit what other people think”

JustAnotherManicMomday · 08/05/2024 19:32

Why not just say to her she has been calling you old for x amount of years, you were x age when it started and by that standard she is now older than that which makes her also old. It will piss her off but shut her up. Point out the age gap will never change but maybe it feels bigger to her because she has not matured enough to realise age is just a number.

Greywitch2 · 08/05/2024 19:28

Oh, God you’re so old
Not sure I want to hang out with elderly people

I'd have responded 'Feel free to fuck off then, Fiona. Because I know I don't want to hang out with snide bitches'.

Lotsofsnacks · 08/05/2024 19:25

Why at age 53 would you choose to hang out with people who don’t have your back, and don’t enhance your life, these women sound so bitchy. TBH they sound jealous of you. I could never imagine my friendship group being mean to me. Personally I would distance myself from them, but if you insist on sticking with them, you have to be firm and fire back every time they make comments, show them you think it’s rude, and you don’t tolerate such behaviour

letsallmeetupinthehyear2000 · 08/05/2024 19:22

Friends don’t put you down - they lift you up

Wishimaywishimight · 08/05/2024 19:19

I wouldn't bite back with any age related responses, that just shows she's getting to you.

"You only seem to have one topic of conversation these days, is everything ok?"

Or "For fuck sake, not this again" if you're feeling a bit more irritable 😆

OneThreadOnly · 08/05/2024 19:15

”I know - 5 years older and you would never know to look at us, how lucky”

Sceptical123 · 08/05/2024 19:15

Pottedpalm · 07/05/2024 08:30

‘I know! It’s crazy, I’m so much older and daft ‘Suzy’ thought you were older than me!! Lol! ‘

This one!

Epidote · 08/05/2024 19:15

Five years is not much older. You want to fire them back, how old are they partners, family members etc? . Unless they are with a toy boy and they are orphans you got ammunition enough to fire back if you like. Ask so when your are older like me what are you going to do, feed pigeons as a hobbie?
They are nutters. They see the 5 and think in ancient Egypt.

Meanwhile33 · 08/05/2024 19:15

You’re definitely too old to continue with rubbish “friendships” like this. Just stop seeing her. SIL is trickier - maybe just tell her it gets on your nerves when she keeps mentioning age, and could she please stop?

Sharptonguedwoman · 08/05/2024 19:14

Every time they bring up your age just say ‘and so much wiser’. They are being pathetic.

Allwelcone · 08/05/2024 19:10

@BigMandsTattooPortfolio totally agree, they are insecure.
Tbh, I'd give a little cuddle/nudge/squeeze and say " ooh are we starting on the old jokes, you're each allowed 2, let's get them over with" with a big smile on your face.
Then ask them how they're doing.

Combattingthemoaners · 08/05/2024 19:08

My brother in law does that. Every birthday “I’ll always be younger than you!” Like it’s some sort of competition he has won when he’s a fully grown adult. Rubbish banter and very tedious. I choose to ignore.

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 08/05/2024 19:08

People do this because they’re insecure about their own age.

lizkt · 08/05/2024 19:07

Since it doesn't bother you, you could just ignore.

Or you could just say 'It's kind of rude to comment on people's age' but this comment would suggest it bothers you.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 08/05/2024 19:02

Jeez, SIL/Nasty friend, how old are we? After school, I did not think anyone paid attention to a few years age difference! How odd!

WearyAuldWumman · 08/05/2024 18:55

“At least I know I’ve reached this age.”

JLou08 · 08/05/2024 18:51

Just sounds like friendly banter to me. Your comments about them are pretty nasty though. You need to tell them it really bothers you, they are likely just having a bit of fun and have no idea you are upset by it.
I have younger friends and older friends and have been on both ends of banter about who is older, I've never been bothered by it or known anyone else to be bothered by it.

HulaChick · 08/05/2024 18:22

"I maybe older but I look a lot younger"...

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 08/05/2024 18:20

"Amazing isn't it? I'm so much older than you and yet you're the one having to spend a fortune on botox"

Thevelvelletes · 08/05/2024 18:12

Pinkypinkyplonk · 07/05/2024 08:42

It’s a privilege to get here, I hope you do!!

Oh that's a good one and cutting as well,I would say that would be met with,no need to be like that,I'm only joking etc.

SmudgeButt · 08/05/2024 18:05

Pluviophile1 · 08/05/2024 16:29

No, get her the biggest one. Balloons, badges, singing telegram...the lot. Make a massive deal of it. Make a huge show of congratulating her on reaching the big 5- 0! Say that you loved turning 50 and how fabulous it is that now that you're now all in your 50s. Just keep mentioning her being over 50...😉

Oh yes - one of those badly painted banners hung from an overpass with
"Guess who turned 50 today!"

"(bet you thought that she was 60!")

SmudgeButt · 08/05/2024 18:03

"Yes I am older than you. Oh my, just think what YOU'LL look like when you reach my age! We'll be lucky if mirrors don't crack!!"

BloodyHellKenAgain · 08/05/2024 17:57

I don't know what to advise OP but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I've had similar from a friend who is also about 4 years younger than me. I don't get it either. My age to me is not an issue. I'm thankfully fit and healthy.
I just assume some people have hang ups about getting older and they project those feelings.

Ignore the idiots, or at least feel sorry for them xx

Swipe left for the next trending thread