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AIBU?

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Original poster

SiL and friend keep commenting on my age.

215 replies

SpringOnionChicken · 07/05/2024 08:18

I am in a group of friends (some nicer than others!) and one of them keeps commenting on my age. I’m the oldest, and we range from late 40’s to early 50’s. I’m 4 years older than her. She says things like;

Oh, God you’re so old
Not sure I want to hang out with elderly people

Then there is my SiL who constantly refers to the fact I am 5 years older than her. Things like;

You are much older than me
I’m much younger than you
Well, that’s because you are a lot older than me, I’m only 48, and you are 53

This has been going on a long time, and usually I don’t care but recently it’s pissing me off, because I feel they’ve dug deep, had to think long and hard, and this is the only thing they’ve been able to come up with as a stick to prod me with. The friend said it quite maliciously TBH.

Getting down to their level, my SIL has the misfortune of ageing terribly and has had to drop loads of money on cosmetic surgery to fix it. She’s also never run for a bus, and is very unfit. I’ve been asked a few times if my SIL is my DH’s older sister (he’s 5 years older) and if she is older than me. Friend is also not looking so great. Sorry to stoop to their level of year 8 schoolyard.

My age is not an issue to me. I’m grateful I’m fit and healthy and I don’t need any tweakments. I just think these comments are petty, and am thinking of nipping them in the bud with some comebacks.

AIBU? If no, please give me some ideas to shut them up.

OP posts:
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WigglyVonWaggly · 12/05/2024 15:19

I’d say, “Why do you keep going in and on about my age? I’m happy and comfortable with it but you don’t seem to be. What’s the issue?” I know it would probably create more drama but I’d be absolutely sick of putting up with this competitive bitchy rudeness dozens of times! You’ve been nice so far but they need telling to do one!

payens · 12/05/2024 15:08

This happened to a friend of mine. She said "wow Sue, you seem to be obsessed with my age, you mention it every time I see you". It never got mentioned again.

Annanirvana · 12/05/2024 12:27

I would ask them what they mean by their comments. Tell them " my age doesn't bother me at all but it clearly bothers you for some weird reason. One day you might reach my grand old age, if you're lucky!"

MrsGtotheMax · 12/05/2024 09:14

AgentJohnson · 07/05/2024 08:29

Yes, I am older and don’t I look fabulous! Take their negativity and turn it into a positive.

They are broadcasting their insecurities, they will be more annoyed by you giving zero fucks.

This 100%!!!!

Tamigotxh · 11/05/2024 22:59

Pottedpalm · 07/05/2024 08:30

‘I know! It’s crazy, I’m so much older and daft ‘Suzy’ thought you were older than me!! Lol! ‘

😂😂😂

Engagebrain · 11/05/2024 22:58

I had to drop a "friend" who kept asking me if she looked young for her age and I always replied "yes" until I found out the bitch was only doing it because someone told her she looked much younger than me. She was secretly revelling in it! What kind of Freind does that?

Coco1379 · 11/05/2024 22:05

You say ‘Yes, I am older, and WISER…’

1mabon · 11/05/2024 19:31

People who say things like that are clearly unhappy in their own skin, probably some jealousy going on.

Marieb19 · 11/05/2024 18:39

Get some decent friends. Arrange an active outing with some of your friends and leave the arseholes our.

Skybluepinky · 11/05/2024 18:07

Y u hanging around with people who obviously don’t like u?

SylvanianAddict · 10/05/2024 13:49

Say to them, 'why are you projecting your own insecurities onto me? Are you really feeling so old and hideous that you have to take it out on someone else?'

LinaM20 · 10/05/2024 10:00

Sounds like they’re insecure as you look good for your age.
literally the only people I ever joke about age with are one male friend that I grew up with. I’m two months older and he always makes a joke about how old I am, but it’s been a running joke for years and as there’s only 2 months we know it’s a joke.
And my older brothers, but that’s what little sisters are meant to do! And believe me they give me enough stick about other things!

doing it the way these have been doing just comes across as them being bitchy and insecure.

Hmm1234 · 09/05/2024 18:34

Hahaha ‘never run for a bus’ just tell her that I like that one

Jeannie88 · 09/05/2024 17:31

Clearly insecure, jealous and just unpleasant! Make the sugggested comments back or if possible don't see them as much. Xx

Bumblebeeinatree · 09/05/2024 13:39

We're none of us as young as we were.
Ah, but I'm young at heart.
What's a few years between friends.
Am I really I didn't realise.
But I've still got it haven't I.
The other day someone said I didn't look a day over 40.
My heart health is 10 years younger.
Look who's talking about getting old, with a laugh.
Aren't I lucky to have such natural youthful looks.

babyb415 · 09/05/2024 13:29

Mnetcurious · 07/05/2024 08:30

Say exactly what you said here - my age is not an issue to me, I’m glad I’m fit and healthy and happy in my own skin. Can we move on now as it feels like you’re always making comments about my age. Or just “oh not the age thing again!”

Yes exactly that! and then shut them down, they sound jealous and insecure. Maybe tell them you can share your anti-aging tips with them 😊

Facing40andfrazzled · 09/05/2024 12:46

well sil and friend I guess some of us age better like my friend xyz was saying the other day she always thought you two were the older ones in the group she had such a laugh when I corrected her ..started calling me baby face ….that might shut them up 😂😂

Newestname002 · 09/05/2024 12:12

SpringOnionChicken · 08/05/2024 17:46

I’d wait until she brought it up in a group setting and say “I am older that’s true. At least I’m biodegradable.”

I think we have a winner

I love this comment. Hopefully it'll take them a second or to for it to sink in - and that everyone else laughs aloud when they get it too. 🌹

Poppyfun1 · 09/05/2024 11:49

Jealousy. Plain and simple.

drusth · 09/05/2024 10:57

I agree the best punishment you can give people like this is to stop seeing them.

laraitopbanana · 09/05/2024 10:54

If they constantly refers to your age, honestly, I’d stop seeing them.

if it is sometimes and you bug on it, I would be asking myself why.

Anyhow, you don’t seem to like them at all...

Abracadabra12345 · 09/05/2024 10:50

Packetofcrispsplease · 09/05/2024 09:25

Oh good god 🙄 I’m 60 and grateful I can get up off the floor from sitting position , run up the stairs if necessary, walk my dog an hour ,keep a big house clean by myself.
( I’m not properly “ fit “ though)
I’m not needing lots of medications 💊 and don’t look too bad if I’ve had a good night sleep 😴.
I am assuming the comments are because they’re very insecure people

I think you've nailed it in your last sentence.

Why on earth is "being older" such an insult? We really do live in such an ageist society and the frenemies have bought into it, sadly

Meggriffinshatsmells · 09/05/2024 09:41

You could come with funny quips, you could stoop to her level, you could just pointedly stare and ignore.

Or the next time she says anything, you could just honest and tell her to stop. Ask her why she keeps mentioning age, tell her it’s boring and not to do it again.

She sounds like she’d be the sort of person to play victim and say you are being nasty, or that she didn’t mean it. If so, just repeat that she’s being rude and to stop it.

These sort of people do my head in. You can’t dance around it.

Talkamongstyourselves · 09/05/2024 09:31

"I know, it's great I'm no longer at that immature stage where I keep on about how other people are older than me and I just get on with my own life".

Packetofcrispsplease · 09/05/2024 09:25

Oh good god 🙄 I’m 60 and grateful I can get up off the floor from sitting position , run up the stairs if necessary, walk my dog an hour ,keep a big house clean by myself.
( I’m not properly “ fit “ though)
I’m not needing lots of medications 💊 and don’t look too bad if I’ve had a good night sleep 😴.
I am assuming the comments are because they’re very insecure people

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