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Original poster

To stop making small talk with my friend who owes me money?

60 replies

movietime · 07/05/2024 01:17

Just that really. Friend owes me £500. She lives a couple of hours away so we don't see each other a lot but used to message back and forth every day.

She's dragging her feet on paying me back (although she is paying me back, just slower and in smaller increments than we'd agreed).

I'm a bit over making text message small talk with her. It's definitely noticeable to her as she's just asked me if everything was ok, after I didn't reply for a few days.

Trying to find a way to explain that I'm just irritated by unilateral the change in terms of her repaying me and normal service will resume once we're square.

Separately, I KNOW that lending a friend money is unwise. Neither a borrower nor a lender be and don't lend money you can't afford to lose. I do know all these things and that isn't the advice I'm looking for here.

Thank you!

OP posts:
Newestname002 · 07/05/2024 01:53

Your friendship seems to be unsustainable due to her current behaviour regarding money she still owes you. Does she have a husband/partner you can approach to help get your money back?

I'm assuming you have correspondence showing the loan arrangements between you and you've got the incoming payments she's made you to date showing in your bank statement.

An alternative would be that you
now tell her you've been very patient but that you now want the rest of the money by X date at the latest or you'll be going to small claims court to recover the balance still owing.

www.gov.uk/make-court-claim-for-money/court-fees

Your friendship would definitely be over but that's well on the way now I think. 🌹

MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 07/05/2024 01:39

Have you asked why she didn’t repay you all at once like she had done previously? If not, I think it’s appropriate to ask this question, it may help with the building resentment. If the reason is she is struggling, I’d allow some grace given the current financial climate, organise a plan with her, even if it’s just £100 a fortnight/ week, you’ll have your money soon… I would definitely keep contact with her, just trivial texts.

Original poster
movietime · 07/05/2024 01:34

Achillo · 07/05/2024 01:29

Did she change the repayment amount without discussing it first?

Clear communication is the best on both sides. Do you think she will have a strop if you raise the issue?

It's tough, the mental aggro in situations like this. I sympathize!

We agreed she'd pay me back as soon as she got paid the next month and she simply didn't. She kept paying me small bits instead and telling me it'd be x more weeks until I had the rest. It's now been 4 months when it should've been one.

I've lent her money before and always had it back immediately. I've known her for many years and we were really close before she moved away.

OP posts:
Original poster
movietime · 07/05/2024 01:32

SleepingMermaid · 07/05/2024 01:27

Several messages every day sounds OTT in the first place. How much does she have left to pay you? Will she keep paying if you fall out?

She owes me £500. I'd lent her £1200.

It's not that I don't want to talk to her, it's just that I feel completely disingenuous making cheerful small talk with her about our kids, etc, when I'm really fed up.

At this point I'm feeling like my cheerful demeanour is stopping her paying me back because she thinks everything's fine, and maybe I need to be clearer the at it isn't ok?

OP posts:
Traitortothecause · 07/05/2024 01:32

Unfortunately it seems like a side to her personality you were unaware of is revealing itself. I think you should be honest, but not unkind. Say you lent the money on the understanding she would pay it back on the agreed terms and it's making you feel very awkward and uncomfortable that she has changed what was agreed. She may flounce, or she may try harder to fulfill what she agreed, but I think ignoring the elephant in the room is not the way to go.

Achillo · 07/05/2024 01:29

Did she change the repayment amount without discussing it first?

Clear communication is the best on both sides. Do you think she will have a strop if you raise the issue?

It's tough, the mental aggro in situations like this. I sympathize!

SleepingMermaid · 07/05/2024 01:27

Several messages every day sounds OTT in the first place. How much does she have left to pay you? Will she keep paying if you fall out?

Original poster
movietime · 07/05/2024 01:26

Answersunknown · 07/05/2024 01:22

Id keep the small talk going until you have the money and then I’d drop tbem

This is what I'm wondering about. I am running out of steam to pretend I want to chat with her though. I'm ready to just be upfront about the fact I'm annoyed.

OP posts:
Answersunknown · 07/05/2024 01:22

Id keep the small talk going until you have the money and then I’d drop tbem

LifeExperience · 07/05/2024 01:21

You can try that but be prepared for her to stop paying.