To stop making small talk with my friend who owes me money?

I think you're going to have to tell her that you feel sad that she didn't repay you as promised. Repaying in tiny amounts isn't what you'd both agreed. It feels disrespectful. You're going to have to talk to her on the phone, properly.

I’d keep the chat going until you get your money.

The thing is people don’t borrow money from friends if they can afford to pay it back. It means they have exhausted other possibilities. Credit cards, family, overdraft and other friends. Unless you are a very close friend, you might be quite far down the list.

If she's cleared £1500 of £2k in 4 months, not ideal, but I'd maybe nudge her that you really need the balance this month and keep up the text chat until her next pay day and see what happens.

Is it? There wouldn’t be a second time if they were liars and didn’t pay it back. If they did the latter they wouldn’t be considered a friend anymore that’s for sure.

Soo weird to lend mates £

I'd certainly be happy to lose a friendship over : lies, lack of respect, gaslighting and bullshit

Shes asking why you haven't text her for a few days - she knows damn well why

If I were you I'd ask her for all the money by 31/5

If you don't get it I'd block her and have nothing more to do with her

If you do get the money, I'd never lend her money again and I'd be very circumspect about the friendship in future

Yes , it’s not a business transaction, if it was then there would certainly be repercussions to pay as the lender will come for you . A friend loan though should come with a moral and respectful obligation instead of shitting all over friends face .

No it isn’t true, it’s a bullshit trope. It’s about respect, both ways and anyone pretending it isn’t is either lying to themselves or lying here for kudos.

Cuts both ways.

what about the friend who kindly lent the money and is now struggling to get the borrower to recognise how frustrating and embarrassing it is to have to keep reminding them about the money they still owe? And shifting the goalposts re the repayment amounts.

all very well being magnanimous and on the lofty heights of friendship but hey, let's never let a good deed go unpunished as they say.

The friendship is lost as soon as one person takes advantage of another.

I'd tell her you need the money urgently please could she pay asap.

Tell her then. Don't keep making small talk. Ask her when the rest of the money will be paid back. When she's given you a timescale then you can chat again. And if that timescale passes and she doesn't pay then you know she's a user and a liar and the friendship is finished. It might cost you £500 to find that out.

I’m in the same position with someone who owes me money and who is being abusive. I decided to stop face to face and phone contact and sent them an email. They can now text if it’s urgent or email if it’s important (family member). No other contact will be acknowledged. It puts a space between us that works for me now.

The way I see it (and it’s taken me a very long time to get there) is that monetary abuse is the same as any abuse, it’s exploitative and entitled and deserves no excuse.

I’d keep the text exchanges going until you get the money back otherwise I’d doubt you’ll see it again and then I’d take a break from her

I’d just say that it’s making you miserable that she didn’t pay you back the next month like she said she would.

Is that really true though? I have plenty of casual friendships that are worth less than £500! Sure, my good friendships are worth more than that - but for me it's not true that no friendship is worth losing over £500!

OP, I'd be tempted when asked if everything is OK to just something like "honestly, I'm a bit annoyed you've decided it's OK to just not pay me back as we agreed without at least discussing it with me first" and see what she responds.

Surely you must be able to see that you only feel the way you do because of the things you don't want advice about, ie lending money in the first place?

Tell her money is tight at the moment and you’re stressed and you really need the £500 this month.

No friendship is worth losing over £500.

If you ever lend money to friends always assume you won’t get it back and then if they do repay it’s a bonus.

Whenever I’ve lent money I always say the same thing. Pay me back when you’re in a position to do so.

It’s not a business transaction it is support for a friend.

I think you need to be very upfront with her - tell her how much you'd like the instalments to be and how frequent. If she IS gradually paying you back, she may think you're happy with the current situation.
I think it'd be OK to make the money a key focus of conversation until it's resolved in a way you want, and which is realistic (presumably she's struggling financially, hence the loan in the first place). If you approach this in an indirect, passive-aggressive sort of way, mention small claims court or tell her that 'normal service will be resumed' once the money's paid, you'll lose the friendship, so I guess think about whether you're prepared for this to happen.

If she's unilaterally gone to paying you back £10 a month or ridiculously small amount that will take years to repay, then that's a very long time with the small talk.

At the end of the day you're totally reliant on her continuIng to make the payments. You may not want to take her to Small Claims, in which case, you've either got to try and get the money back quicker (unlikely, it would appear), keep going with the small talk to avoid rocking the boat, or come clean that you're frustrated at her unilaterally changing the amount of repayment and risk she'll take umbrage and stop repaying you.

If she normally pays you back immediately have you asked her why there's a delay this time?
Frame it as concern. "Hi Friend, I don't mean to be distant but I'm just a bit uncomfortable about the fact you still owe me £500. I thought you intended to pay me back in one go. Is everything OK? I'd rather you were upfront with me over money matters otherwise it becomes awkward for both of us."

This is a good way to phrase it. Not being aggressive or confrontational but assertive and direct, and I think that's justified.

At least it will prompt communication on the issue and give you some feeling of taking back some control of the process rather than it all being up to what your friend decides to send you, or not.