DD and her uncle...AIBU to feel uncomfortable?

You need to trust your own instincts OP. I would feel highly uncomfortable for my 12 year old daughter to sit in anyone's lap. Bit weirded out by the comment he made also!

I'd hardly say she was too young at 12. Maybe at 6 or 7 yes.

It's all happening right under your nose. If you feel uncomfortable, DO SOMETHING! It sounds very much as if she has a little crush on him because he is giving her so much attention. I'd be warning him rather than her - she is too young to really understand what she is doing.

I honestly can't imagine how anyone can just sit in the same room and not instantly have a "wtf" reaction.

As a PP said her bum is in contact with his cock.

This has probably and hopefully already been said and I’m afraid I haven’t been able to read the whole thread, but just in case it helps with the conversation you have with her - secrets are the biggest red flag because people who groom children eventually ask them to keep a secret. So make sure you let her know that if any adult or anyone in a position of authority etc EVER asks her to keep a secret about ANYTHING that is a red flag and she a) should immediately be wondering why and b) shouldn’t do that because secrets are a form of control etc etc.

Good luck

Sadly yet another person here saying trust your instincts. I have lived experience of step uncles.

Im sorry to say that it’s obvious your daughter has a big crush on him.

No it fucking isn’t.

Children growing up in normal healthy environments DO NOT get ‘big crushes’ on their family. Or small crushes. Or fancy them in anyway.

I think hes probably a creepy uncle. Theres enough of them about

Yes definitely guitar lessons in an open room.
it maybe innocent but he shouldn’t be buying her gifts for no reason.
Stay switched on.m

Framing this as a crush is a dangerous framing. The DD is being groomed. Responding positively at this stage to being groomed is normal. The DD is in the love bombing stage of being groomed. That does not make it a crush, even if superficially her behaviour looks like one.

If someone behaved like that with my 12 y/o daughter I'd want to beat the sh1t out of him.
SHAME ON YOU😡 @Fingeronthebutton for this:
'Im sorry to say that it’s obvious your daughter has a big crush on him'

Quiet word with him re not saying particular races are the most beautiful and no more taking her out/offering merch etc, it’s just now somewhat suspicious, isn’t it? And she doesn’t get to ask for stuff in front of him, possibly innocent but also she knows he’s bought her loads of stuff, so….Certainly no more being alone together and tough if she whinges. Also quiet word with her re inappropriate behaviour eg sitting on his knee. It’s odd that she doesn’t sit on anyone else, kind of sticks out, that one.

Im sorry to say that it’s obvious your daughter has a big crush on him.

It's sad that in the era of Me Too we will assign the blame on the female rather than the male and adult at that, being the responsible person for all this. OP the only one responsible here is your step brother. We should talk to girls about the grooming process but yet again women/girls are the ones having to change rather than hold men and adults to account.

All the things he is doing to make her feel as if she is older than she is, he's treating her as if she is his girlfriend, she is bound to be hugely flattered by this, he wants her to idolise him and trust him completely.

1. It's a shame some hobbies are so stigmatised, there is nothing wrong with male of female of any age watching anime- OP does not seem to have any knowledge of it. It's a very diverse medium, not a genre as such. Thumbs down to OP for narrow mindedness.
2. That being said, the uncle clearly overstept boundaries and this needs to be addressed with him as well directly.

Even if she does have a crush it is all his making. He is making her feel special with the time, attention and gifts. He says her look is beautiful, he offers to buy something her parents said no to, takes her to concerts, teaches her a new skill, let's her sit on his lap. Of course she is going to have feelings in this situation. That's how it works for him, isn't it.

Wow.

You had a point?

My first instinct is that something feels ‘off’. It may turn out to be nothing but you’ve mentioned enough that this needs looking into. It certainly can’t hurt to ask DD/Uncle more about this situation.

By you saying that he was completely comfortable with her sitting on his lap shows that it’s not the first time 😱
Im sorry to say that it’s obvious your daughter has a big crush on him.

But not all. I take your point but mine needs taking too.

Seriously? If you are worried that your child was being abused you'd put a camera to catch him rather than never put her in a dangerous position? How about you keep her safe even if it means offending an innocent party. It's not you that would have to live with being abused.

A decent innocent man would understand your concerns and not do anything to upset or concern you. But the child is paramount here. No one else.

Yes that comment was creepy as hell

The nanny can arguments are similar to those women who say they want proof their husband is cheating because she is not sure, even though he has started working later but there is no extra money, he has bought some trendy clothes and lost weight, he is no longer interested in sex, and the OP found a second hidden mobile phone.
Sometimes the situation is so glaringly obvious you do not need any more proof. You already have it.

There is also a whole side of it that creates fetishism around asian schoolgirls. He has already said the Asians are beautiful to a 12 year old of Asian desent, who giggled at it, he is comfortable with the same sitting on his lap and there are numerous other red flags through the posts showing he is grooming. So, if you were to guess, which part of the genere do you think you would find on his computer. It's absolutely not silly in the wider context.